How Do I Tell My Mother?

I realized very recently that I'm bi$exual
I always had it in the back of my head that question of whether i was lesbian or bi or just a big question mark... well for about 4 or 5 years. (I'm 17 now)
I never wanted to admit to myself many things growing up because i always thought of my mother.
I always thought; what if my mother doesn't like it? Because we're such a CLOSE family that I really felt like my family's opinion mattered so much! Especially my mothers.
NOW it's like I like metal and screamo and I'm not afraid of whether or not my mom will like it (she's a very 'decent' and sophisticated) I love piercings and... I'm just a lot darker than she'd want me to be... Not her little girl she used to dress up with pink (a color i don't like much at all) and pig tails.
So I keep to myself, I've always had this characteristic and I'm thinking-- now i despise when people seem to think they know me and try to be all 'psychologist' on me and start with oh it's just you being a teenager or some other bull so don't-- I've always 'rated' girls and for a while i thought maybe it was because i have SO MANY guy friends that I'm used to being like them.
Since i was 13 years old, I've been kissing girls and didn't see anything wrong with it. Now I've heard of many girls saying "Oh I've kissed girls before like at parties like but i'm not like a lesbo"
So I didn't think much of me kissing girls. All i ever had was boyfriends and I'm not that picky with guys-- with their looks that is. If i had fun with them, and i could be friends with them then i can go out with them BUT now is when i admit to myself... I like girls... too.


i've changed so much since 8 months ago... and slowly i wasn't afraid to say oh she's so hot and go up to girls at wild rock concerts and drunkly kiss them, according to them they're "not lesbians, I'm just having fun"

I haven't told my mom yet but I've surely told some friends... and whoever asks.

A long 6 months ago, i met up with a few friends after work and went over to my friends house (who is bi$exual and has had a huge crush on me since we started hanging out 2 years beforehand. I was the first person she told this to and I was the 1st to know that she likes girls) and things got a little crazy and I got drunk just like every 5 persons there. And I'm the friendly drunk so i kiss random people and give people so much alcohol so they can have fun with me and lighten up. I ended up having sex with her and woke up naked next to her... i told people i didn't remember anything but truth is I can... it's all in fast forward BUT nonetheless, i remember!
I didn't freak out. I thought i did a right thing but i didn't realize this until 2 weeks ago, 3 tops.
Even thought I'm not the type to freak out about ANYTHING and nothing shocks me at all I thought "hey, even though i just had sex with a girl who has been in love with me since as long as i can remember I'm not bi OR lesbian... I'll stick to men."

My cousin is Bi$exual and i thought SHE MIGHT UNDERSTAND ME!
Her response: "Oh I knew that a long time ago"
What the hell! how'd she know?! and she explains to me that she noticed how i play around with my female coworkers and other female friends... as if i was flirting basically and straight girls don't do that. And i didn't-- still don't-- find much truth to that.

So now to go out and tell my mother, who already thinks I'm a wreck... she still give me attention and loves me, her love for me hasn't changed but she talks about how I dress the way i do, talk the way do, listen to hardcore death metal the way i do just to spite her. But secretly I've ALWAYS loved that type of things i was just always afraid to show that to her because i STILL care about what she thinks but I'm trying to change that a bit. Now how do i tell this woman that not only (in her eyes) am i 'punk/gothic,' and a bad student but I really like girls?
That would almost be the straw that broke the camels back...
'Cause I think love can be found anywhere, any street corner (no, not prostitution), in any gender and any age and my mom thinks the same and she's always telling me that she wants grandchildren and stuff but if i tell her this either she'll act like she knew it also... or it could be a disappointment.
EmJay EmJay
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2007

thanks for your insights about bi.

I've only liked and kissed one girl and that is the only girl I would ever kiss. I'm not sure if I can say I'm Bi$exual. Because I only have feelings for one girl. I don't even check out other girls or try something. My mom knows that I kissed a girl, she said that she never wants me to hang out with her again lol. If you say your mom freaks because of some little stuff you do like the music you listen to then I'm sure she will freak if you tell her you like girls. But I might be wrong, it's just my opinion. I don't know your mom. Only you know. But if I was you I wouldn't tell her untill I was going to marry a girl. As long as it is just about fooling around and having fun, she doesn't have to know. ;)