Out of the Ep-closet!

Yep... I had planned to share my story here in October, my favorite month of announcing things and trying something new, in my life. But, I can't stand to stay in the closet here, anymore. It was driving me nuts!!! Being that I have been out of "the closet" offline, since age 20! =p

I know this will be a shock for some (those I haven't told already in PMs =p), as I am boy-crazy... mostly crazy about one particular "boy" on here too. Heehee! But here is my story:

I had fallen in love with a very wonderful woman, at age 22! She and I were best friends, then very close friends, and then gained crushes on each other. She is the wonderful woman who opened the door to Paganism to me, as I was a atheist then. ;-)

She was a very beautiful soul and we did talk of having a relationship... Only she had a boyfriend, which she still loved, and I told her no... to stay with her boyfriend!!! But we continued to stay close friends. But the funny thing about life is, sometimes good friends lose touch with each other. Our email addys changed... and she stopped showing up on the online game, where we met and had our hijinks on, and we never saw each other again. I still wish to thank her, someday, for showing me the way to a beautiful religion, which I LOVE MUCH! :-D

But from age 12, I always knew something was different, about my attraction to others. Before that age, I was mostly asexual... as I found all forms of kissing, hugging, or sex scary and "yucky". It wasn't until the teen hormones started, that I changed my mind! XD

But, then I found myself in a confusing thought of... who am I attracted to? Girls or Guys? A pretty girl would come my way, and I just wanted to be near her! I even made up a sneaky way to do just that, by yelling, "My new best friend!!!" And hugging the girl, just so I could get near... I was bad, as teen girl, I know! ...But, then there were many cute guys around, which I would punch them in the arm, to get their attention too. Haha! =p

I wondered what I was... not quite lesbian... not quite straight. And that's when my lesbian friend, at the time, clued me in at age 15... She said, "You're bi!" I had no idea what that meant, sadly I only knew of a world that was black-and-white... gay, lesbian, and straight. No other terms yet, like Bisexual, Asexual, or Transgender. She offered for me to join her "In The Life" support group, so I could learn more about Bisexuality... but I feared the wrath of my mother. So... she tried to bring back materials from her group and tried her best to explained what it meant to be Bi.

By age 20, i just had to come right out of that closet. I told my mother... and that didn't go over well. She was very strictly Christian then. So she screamed, threaten damnation on my soul, and I ran out of the house... my sister running after me! I finally stopped at a small park and cried. My sister caught up with me and told me to pay no attention to mom. I cried that I guess I was freak of nature... my sister wouldn't let me say that. Then, my oldest brother and his girlfriend at the time, they showed up too. My brother has many gay friends, so he saw no big deal in it. And his girlfriend told me to stop crying and just be myself, that my mother doesn't have a claim over my life.

So, I went back home, and my mother didn't speak to me for weeks. Finally, she realized that it wasn't going to go away, and had to deal with it. Her heart soften and when she had gained a gay friend, a very nice and kind man, she began to relax a little more about the issue! ;-)

But... the reason why I haven't shared this on EP, is not because I am ashamed or trying to hide it. Really, it's the opposite, I am proud of who I am! :-D

I only hid, due to something that happened on MySpace (yuck), I had checked off "Bi" under my profile... and MANY perverts came running... sending me 10-20 invites to ********** and sex parties. Ewww! I'm old fashioned, one person for a relationship! And only when or if that person and I break up, then I will start dating, after four months of the break up. Bi, lesbian, or gay, doesn't mean that a person is a sex-freak, people! Sorry! :-/

And I just didn't want a repeat here, of that. But since the perverts are sending me request anyways (and I have to block them, as they show up in my PM box), there's nothing for me to lose. =p

Edit: Oops, and I mean to mention this... I am not looking for dating anyone, girl or guy, atm. My heart still beats for a certain "Marine" now. ;-)

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19 Responses Sep 6, 2009

I appreciate your openness and honesty. I am hetero so it helps educate me about the realities of being bisexual. I believe one's sexuality is normal either way.

hey, i saw the railroad firsty.....i'd rather have the washintgon monument :P

yeah hollyboo, join us in the closet to play monopoly :D<br />
<br />

and you didn't invite me...<br />
<br />
:(<br />
<br />
i'm hurt...<br />
<br />
hey. how can you play monopoly if that closet is full of clothes, and it's dark...and stuff???<br />
<br />
are you guys lying to me?

hehehe funny shadow! Im new here and just getting used to this. I read your post cos I can relate to it in some ways. I hope i get to meet lots of nice people (or dudes : P ) here lol

hey what were you guys doing in the closet together??? it's dark in there?<br />
<br />
why is it that when i came in, you both stumbled violently out, what were you doing ? o_0...

sweet response, dude :P

haha had to laugh at the dude comment you sent back shadow hehehehehe

hmm.. don't you think she knows it better herself than you do?

nm ur straight, thought a dude wrote this.

dude, ur totally gay.<br />
<br />
u like girls as friends, that's it.

A beautiful story shadow and I wish for a fairytale ending for you either finding the knight or damsel of your dreams.

Well Shadow I bet you feel alot better now dont you? I will love you no mattere what you are!

thanx for sharing this Shadow, am sure thats a load off your chest now ;o) <br />
<br />
God bless

We love you for who you are shadow :d.......

Well good for you sweetheart!<br />
I wish you good luck with finding your mr or miss right.<br />
As for the assumption that bi people are swingers, what a load of dwoddle.

Woo-hoo!<br />
Aw.. I didn't know that your mother reacted so badly. :/ But I'm glad that everything's OK again. <br />
I've told nobody yet, except you, and then later on EP. But one day I will. My mum thinks that homosexuality is "not normal", so her view on bisexuality won't be much better and I can already see that she'll hope all day that I fall in love with a guy and not a girl haha But I will tell her eventually :)

i'm bi as well but i had a boyfriend up until last week when he died in his sleep i was so sad all week then my girl crush told me everything will be ok and there wil be someone out there for me

Ahhh man, I know what you mean!! <br />
One of my male friends was asking me about one of my girl friends, like is she single and all of that and I said yeah, she is single.... He knows that I am bi, so he asked if she was for some reason...<br />
I said yeah, she is. <br />
Then he says "Oh... well... nevermind then, I dunno about that... i would always have to worry about her running of with some chick."<br />
I was like What the hell man?? So does that mean that every straight chick you know just goes off and sleeps with every random guy she sees? <br />
<br />
I hate when people have this view.... <br />
<br />
Anyway Shadow, I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to open up about it! It took until I was 22 (just this year!!!) to open up to everyone that I know about it. :-)