He's Sooo Much Better To Me Than I Deserve...

I am a difficult girl to love.  I have many idiosyncrasies...not all good.  I have fears that are irrational, and I know they are...but can't help but feel them, anyway.  Things that are a minor annoyance to others, can be a traumatic event , to me.

One such event occured tonight.  When Tiger flew to rescue me, he, by neccesity, left his car in an airport lot.  The car needed to be picked up, and we set off to do just that. I agreed to the plan, knowing it would be dark (I am nightblind)....planning to follow Tiger's tail lights, for guidance.  There were several factors I had not taken into account...either because of lack of knowledge of the area, or the simple failure to realize the facts.  I hadn't known the city we were going to was so far away..70 miles...that it would be raining/snowing, or that the city was the size it is..neccesitatling interstate highway driving, including multiple lane changes in gridlock traffic. 

I did my best..gripping my  steering wheel tightly , and trusting Tiger to lead me home.  I was scared to death!!!  I couldn't see where the lanes were, didn't know which way we were supposed to go, was terrified of the speeds we were running after negotiating the stop and go gridlock, and the task of keeping the correct speed and distance between Tiger and myself to ensure no one got between us and also that I didn't eat up his *** end during quick stops...of which there were many..was really getting to me.  I could feel the stress rising....tears began rolling down my face...i felt like pulling over to the shoulder and just sitting there....but I kept going , for Tiger's sake....my love trying to supress my fear. 

Tiger wanted to take me to a nice dinner on the way home and pulled off the interstate some thirty miles from our destination.  I had no idea this would happen...but followed behind him...I had no choice, I didn't know where we were.  I knew it didn't look like the route we had taken going into the city....we were still in a sizable city, and I was horrified when he pulled into a restaurant....I  had thought we were just taking another way home....I realized that would mean more highway driving after the meal he had planned, and the thought was too much for me.  I had been crying the whole way, and now, the tears flowed even harder, anticipating the nerve racking drive to follow the meal.  By the time Tiger parked and got to my car, I was hugging the steering wheel...the stress of the situation was just too much for me.  He had expected to find me a little nervous, but not losing control..which was exactly what he found.

He took me in his arms and apologized....he aplogized.....for wanting to take me to a nice place to dine together.  My Tiger...sensitive and caing, he never once blamed me for being in this state....he asked what I wanted to do and I told him I wanted to go home.  He held me and told me that , of course, if I wanted to go home, he would take me home.  He did, and the stress of completing the drive in my state of mind was very difficult for me.  When we got to the house, I went into the small front bathroom, and shut myself in....I wanted to be somewhere I could control everything around me....and that bathroom is my designated room to smoke pot..  I sat on the toilet , lid closed, trying to calm down enough to smoke some of the scrapings from my bong..all the pot I had left.  Tiger gave me a few minutes and then knocked softly on the door...i openned it and he came in.  He knelt in front of me, took me into his arms, and apologized yet again...my sweet lover...apologizing to me...he who had no fault in the situation. He told me how much he loves me , and promised to never make me do anything like that ever again.

After I smoked a couple of bowls, and was much calmer, I went into the living room where Tiger was waiting patiently for me.  He was playing a love song on his pc....ever the romantic...he covered me with kisses and held me tightly..making sure I felt his love.  I had thrown a fit , and he just loved me though it...is it any wonder I love him so????  I don't deserve the sweet way he treats me...but , good God...I am so very grateful for it!!

lonesurvivor lonesurvivor
56-60, F
3 Responses Mar 3, 2010

Thanks, Michelle...indeed, he is!! Yes, he is a gem...the cherished treasure of my life...God's gift to a girl who doesn't deserve it, but need him so very desperately!! I plan to hold onto him with both hands and NEVER let go!!! I'm so glad you have a love like mine...it is , as you say, so very rare!!!

My darling Tiger....you are the answer to my prayers...endlessly patient and so full of love!!! You mean everything to me, baby!!!<br />
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Any man or woman who would do less than I did doesn't deserve the lady who loves him/her so! <br />
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Any man or woman who would be angry or callous in such a situation should be flogged! <br />
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My dearest tgrsldy was so brave and so trusting to follow me all the way, and close to the point of loosing it when we stopped. All I did after I saw her there in the parking lot was to give her all the love, support, and time she needed to recover some sense of calm. I love her, madly, and she us my hero for doing all these new and quite frightening things...<br />
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