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Ready To Give Up...

I'm 29 and married with 3 kids. I've dealt with depression for the last 15yrs. and recently started going back to counseling. I'm extremely bored with my life. I moved from Sacramento, CA to Youngstown, OH. I don't know anyone here, the people are strange, I have no friends, no car, no money, no job (interview tomorrow morning), my family in CA rarely interact with me, my husband is always busy or sleeping and I just want some excitement! I am so sick of sitting in this house every day and night watching the same DVDs over and over (no cable). I join all the major social sites in an effort to meet people but no one interacts with me. I'm starting to feel like I'm too old to even try to have a life anymore. I missed out on my 20's raising my children and I don't have any idea what to do to make friends. Please don't give me that "get out and do things to meet people" spill because you need money to do things which I do not have enough of, a babysitter would help but I have NO ONE for that either, plus a little thing called social anxiety. I've been trying to find things I'm interested in like poetry groups or art shows but I'm too scared to make the call to the poetry group and every time I make a plan to finally get out and go to the art museum my husband's daily life gets in the way. I don't know what to do. I want to give up and die.
jtaboo jtaboo 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 22, 2013

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I think I may have a sense of where you are, jtaboo. The reason you have chosen to not have "friends" is at least because they are not on the same frequency as you are. You feel alone because the rest of the world seem more interested in following the crowd and it just doesn't seem the thing for you.

Bored...of course you are. People are doing the same things over and over again for thousands of years and seemingly limiting to fewer and fewer variations in this current era...getting more robotised.

What you want is to meet with your more aware self. There aren't many whom you would find able or willing to go with or help you go to that space but don't despair. There is so much more to living than what people think. They are stuck and not even knowing it. I tell you that there is so much more depth in life and you can reach out to yourself. You have the power of choice.

If you feel this is helpful and want more contact, I am happy to share more.

Don't give up.

muone

I was just bored and surfing the net and bumped into this ! It really makes me sad that someone can be so depressed! I am 29 too and I dont have kids. 29 is really young though !!! and you know what... you shouldn't regret losing your 20's raising your kids... you are really lucky you had kids early which leaves you free now to do whatever you like !! Whenever i want to venture out so something new, i feel oh its time to have kids ! I hope things get better for you... remember, HE is watching... your share of happiness should find you soon... cheer up :) maybe you can start something on your own and make some money (cause i know thats important)

I completely understand your frustrations and the feeling of being an outcast. I myself am one too. I am also married and do not have any children, but desperately want one. I have no friends either and struggle with trying to find myself. I moved to a new state to be with my husband so now I am also friendless. It seems harder as I get older to make new friends or even reach out to anyone. My husband is an alcoholic and barely talks to me. His enjoyment is alcohol and sleeping which leaves me alone. Please know you are not alone. If I could take a poetry class with you I would! Best of luck to you and feel free to message me back.

I didn't expect anyone to reply but thank you for replying. I'm sorry to hear your situation, I know it must be difficult as well. I don't even know you but the idea that you would take a poetry class with me warms my heart. Funny how internet strangers are always so nice. I don't really know what to say but just know that your acknowledgement of my presence is greatly appreciated :). I really hope things get better for the both of us. You seem sweet.