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Want to Die

i just want to end it all, all the pain  i always feel in my heart, it is so broken up, i don't think anything will mend it, i have been searching for years for something and i found it, this weekend  trouble is i can't have it, life is so boring and i am so empty, i tell everyone i'm alright but they don't know the truth, the only good in my life is my family, but no one understands and they really don't want to. so i keep all this **** inside me, until i guess someday, i will end all this pain and **** thats going on in my life.
dianne1959 dianne1959 46-50, F 25 Responses Oct 20, 2007

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I never realized that so many people felt this way. I always though of it as a weakness to talk about it so I wouldn't. My inside and outside don't match. It is a constant struggle. I am so bored and unfulfilled and I don't know how to change it. I have no friends and I don't know why? I have a husband and children and I do have a good life and to see me from the outside you would think I am so blessed but like I said the inside and outside don't match. I would love someone to run with or workout with or just hang out with but don't know how to make friends. I worked my while life, took care of a family and house and there was never any time for me. Now there is time for me and I am lonely.

Don't die. The folks at experienceproject.com need you around to buy their tokens.

200 tokens for $40 by the way.

I just wanted to tell you that i know exactly how you feel. I am in my mid 50's and what you describe is how i lived my entire life. Sometimes, I would ask myself, why bother. I am bored and just too tired of the routine Like you, the one constant in my life was my family. They were always there but only knew what I revealved of myself. So for all practical purposes, they were in the dark. I am optimistic that this pain, without derivation, will end. I truly hope so because all I have now is the hope and promise of a better tomorrow.

Sounds like me. I hope you find your way

she already dead,2007 *************

There is always someone to talk to out here that might be able to help you.

i know exactly how you feel, its horrible 3

If you're serious about this, go find someone to talk to. If you have the money, a psychologist or psychiatrist (I always get those two mixed up). Otherwise, a friend should always be ready to listen, or maybe some family. Maybe try something new and exciting like skydiving or scuba diving. Find a hobby that you like and has some sort of adventure in it that pushes your comfort zone, which will make you feel more alive and get your adrenaline flowing. This might make you feel better.

Even if you don't get any advice, it really helps if you can talk to someone and at least understand that you have people who care about you and would greatly miss you and be heart broken if you were gone. I know it's tough but you need to find a reason to hang in there...something to anchor you and keep you here.

WOW.. we all have not such great days.. I sometimes have a half of a good day.. Think of all the people you love.. Share yourself with others.. Volunteer, that sometimes helps.. Get out of the house.Thats what I do.. PRAY to God.. He will answer your prayers in his time..<br />
God bless YOU

i know exactly how you feel. i feel like that all the time I know it sucks.

Wow, I can relate to your pain, I've been very close to offing myself...only to hear the whispering memories of my children's voices telling me that they love me.<br />
<br />
I've been gang raped, beaten, left for dead, in a coma for 5 days due to a self induced overdose... lost pregnancies(not related to overdose) but forced to have 2 abortions by my Mother and been sabotaged by my own Mother for as long as I can remember...all of these things took their toll on me.<br />
<br />
I self medicated for decades, periodically attempting to "not wake up" until one day I just decided "Enough" suffering...I made the conscious choice to Love Myself, no matter what anyone else thought or said...I decided to fight back for this gift of life that I've been blessed with, regardless of the harsh lessons I've had to live through. <br />
<br />
I looked around to see all of the people/pets/things that I love...My Grandmother, my Children, my cats, dog, fish...the things that make my house a home, the beauty of nature right outside of my doors/windows...birds singing in the wee hours of the morning, the light breeze caressing my face when I step outside...<br />
<br />
There are so many "Free things in life to be grateful for" that is softens the disappointment of the other things that I can't have. Not sure what you want that You can't have, but try "Freecycle" it's a place where people share what they no longer want. You'd be surprised at what you will find...it's all Free from the kind hearts of Perfect Strangers.<br />
<br />
Take a moment to make yourself a list of the things that you do have as well as attainable things to work towards...<br />
<br />
No matter where we are in life, that's where we should be for the moment, there's a lesson to be learned, sometimes happy/pleasant, sometimes horribly painful...it teaches us to be grateful and to be strong for ourselves...eventually it shines through & touches others, somehow, someway, someday...<br />
<br />
while I'm not religious per se, I am spiritual...<br />
<br />
I'll say a secret prayer for you to be blessed with whatever you need to feel better about yourself, your situation so you can move forward in your life. <br />
<br />
Blessings to You & Yours,<br />
<br />
Caryn

I totally agree with you! I'm not suicidal, but life treats me like ****, I've tried and tried and continually disappointed by people. I have had those glimpses of completeness but its just not enough. I can't sleep at night. I'm not depressed, just have this huge hole in me.

What did you find? You can't have it? So your going to kill yourself cause you can't have something?

Well at least you are doing something, your words are a cry for help and it seems there are some who are kind enough to try and offer it, it's your choice now weather you you decide to take the advice offered or to keep feeling sorry for yourself. what I find helps is to think about some poor staring person in some famine affected area who can't even get a feed for himself or his family, then I feel pretty lucky really, good luck

im ging to be honest if theres no point to be here why suffer right i go one with the thought were here to find the meaning im begining to think there is no meaning any one and everyone can do and be who or what they want if u want to off your self do it im not saying its smart but it will only cause more pain in the far end

kiss my ring

I am not suicidal but continually have these feelings, i am not scared of death, but i am scared of loosing my sanity, i deal with my feelings by drinking all the time. My vices are kicking my ***, and im having fun getting my *** kicked.

Your life has meaning.

Dear Dianne1959,<br />
There is something here that is important. Something that truly deserves to be observed. You are experiencing a very powerful emotion. Whether it makes you feel good or bad is not the point. The point, however, is that it is present. Take it all in. Realize that a great portion of life is lived by completing tasks that are, quite honestly, trivial. But you are feeling something completely genuine. To live through this sadness is to live to see what counters it. And, believe me, it's not something you want to miss.

Dear Dianne1959,<br />
There is something here that is important. Something that truly deserves to be observed. You are experiencing a very powerful emotion. Whether it makes you feel good or bad is not the point. The point, however, is that it is present. Take it all in. Realize that a great portion of life is lived by completing tasks that are, quite honestly, trivial. But you are feeling something completely genuine. To live through this sadness is to live to see what counters it. And, believe me, it's not something you want to miss.

I kind of feel like this too.<br />
<br />
There is a Amberstam style cafe down the street... <br />
<br />
I think I might go get stoned to feel good, at least for a little while.<br />
<br />
Maybe you should try that too!

im sorry you feel this way but you have told someone that you feel that you can not cope and that is a postive step why do you feel this way you need to explain more life is not meant to be easy it can be very challenging the mind is very fragile if you have been beaten down all your life it is easy to think that nothing will change let someone share your burden let someone give you hope let someone anyone help you :) life is precious love everyday apreciate every breath

That was Pathetic.<br />
<br />
Before You go and "off" yourself, please understand what "pathetic" means:<br />
<br />
pa·thet·ic /pəˈθɛtɪk/ <br />
–adjective<br />
1. causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.<br />
2. affecting or moving the feelings.<br />
3. pertaining to or caused by the feelings.<br />
4. miserably or contemptibly inadequate: In return for our investment we get a pathetic three percent interest.<br />
<br />
Now I dont know what you WANT to hear but I'ma tell you what i believe you NEED to hear. And what i believe is that nothing that i display or express should make people think the word "pathetic".<br />
<br />
If I ever come to that point, i know that it is ME that is in error in some respect. It could be that I have an unrealistic expectation or maybe have an overly critical view of myself. Could be something I just dont understand yet. But the thing is that i MUST drill down ino my thinking patterns and find the error. This is hard as hell to do. Especially since the ego will always try to cover up the truth from myself. <br />
<br />
Wanting to die is usually a symptom of boredom (in my case). I feel this ALL the time. And it seems to me that it usually results from not pushing my limits. When I say Limits, i mean the boundaries that fear puts up in my life.<br />
<br />
Fear is a motherf___r! <br />
<br />
It is a state of mind that sets you up for unhappiness. It is insidious and it totally limits your potential. If you are bored with life, I suggest you slay a few sacred cows (self-imposed mental blocks). You will feel exhilerated. Thats better than slaying yourself.<br />
<br />
REZ

its true. some good advice makes all the difference ....talk to someone ... be positive ...good things will happen if not today then tomorrow.. pray...

why don't you feel like you can talk to anybody. you would be suprised sometimes a ear and some good advice makes all the difference.