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I Am Breaking Into Pieces

He Doesn't Understand...

By: alexandra12
Written on May 8th, 2010

Everyone would say all of this is crazy, and it is, but love has always made me blind. After two weeks of dating each other I decided to move in with him. Big mistake there, clearly there was no way we knew each other well enough to live together. He didn't do anything to irritate me so I decided he had to be perfect. The more I learned about him and the more time I spent with him I realized that I couldn't stand him. BUT... he had a good job, a car, and a house. He put a roof over my head and promised to love me, something I hadn't felt in a long time. I knew he had girls calling and texting him. I knew he was in regular contact with his one night stands. But I knew he would always come home to me at night. It never was enough for him though. He still couldn't trust me, no matter how faithful I was. While he never hit me, I could feel the relationship turning bad. I didn't go anywhere, and I didn't see anyone. He told me that he wanted nothing to do with my family, and after two months I decided I could live without them. But then I got smart. I decided I needed to leave, but I had to wait until he was gone. He couldn't handle my crying and wanted me to leave right away. I called my sister so I could get everything in one load. He told me he would leave so that I could get everything. My sister discovered him parked on the hill watching my every move. Needless to say, I was scared out of my mind.

I'm still scared of my mind today. He won't stop calling me and now he's just told me he's got the gun in his face, and then he hangs up on me. I'm breaking into pieces because I hurt him. That hurts worse, to know that I hurt him. The thing is no matter how much he begs or how much he threatens, I cannot go back to him.

By: alexandra12
Age: 18-21 , Female
279 people have read this story

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2 responses
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    alexandra12
    alexandra12

    That's the hardest part, not giving into him. I can't stand the thought of hurting him... it's like I forget how much he really hurt me.

    May 9, 2010
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    SadMalia
    SadMalia

    They play those games. He won't shoot himself, he tells you that to force you to do what he wants. He wants to control you, and keep you under his thumb. Do not go back!! It would be a very big mistake. This will more than likely escalate into abuse.

    He wants you to do exactly what you're doing right now.....be scared and feel guilty.

    This is NOT your fault. And by the way, even if he did shoot himself, that would not be your fault either. He'd like for you to believe it would, but that is his choice to make.

    My ex-husband threatened so many times to kill himself. He never even hurt himself. I called his bluff, and he did nothing.



    One of the first things an abuser does, is to isolate you, sounds like he was begining that step.



    You need to make a life for yourself, and try to forget him. If he continues to call you, change your number. Show him that you mean business.



    I've lived in an abusive marriage, it's not fun, it's very painful, and will drive you insane. YOU deserve better. Don't let him break you, believe me, he's not worth it.



    This is only my feelings and opinions, I'm not trying to tell you what to do.

    But please, don't give in to him.

    Sending you hugs,

    SadMalia

    May 9, 2010
    1 like