Proud to Be British But....

Being British...

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all?

Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.


3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

And finally...

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

RobertaSunset RobertaSunset
36-40, F
47 Responses Nov 9, 2007

I'm not British; first and foremost, I'm a fellow human being. And the last part is just accidents caused by people being stupid. They could happen anywhere.

Have always wanted to visit england! Sadly (but funny just the same) alot of those occur on this side of the pond as some areas ive been in it would appear the ol family tree doesnt fork to many times :)

Lol :o)

Wow, I've done that 9v battery-licking before, as a youth, and never realized it could be fatal!

Lol...looks like you were meant to live and tell the tale :o)

Funny......and so very true!!!!


Geoff x

Welcome to multicultural Britain enjoy it it aint gonna change

well we will always have fish and chips until the other country's fish our sea to death

We will always have fish and chips, if we run out, we will buy the fish from other countries, even if it costs us more, we will have to have our fish and chips.... but what will we do it all the Cypriot people leave??? Oh my... I am starting to panic. I guess we could have curry... tikka masala anyone?

i guess this country screwed the great has gone

nah, it will always be great... I live here! :o)

Actually the 'Great' in 'Great Britain' never meant that Britain was very good. Itactually comes from the french, 'grande' i.e. big and was meant as a way to differentiate between big britain (the UK) and little britain (Brittany)

so do i

Did someone mention "Fish Tikka Masala" here ? LoL...

lol...sounds good to me, would you make it for me? My local Bengali restaurant closed down :o( it's now a Kosovan car wash instead but they do clean my car really really well.

4 More Responses

This is an interesting post. Regardless of those things I would love to visit London some day. I love Brits!

Apart from a few interesting historical buildings and stuff, London is the worst part of Britain it's ridiculously expensive and if you say good morning to anyone, they look at you like you're going to rob them! Come to Leicester instead Lol :o)

I have researched London for a horror/fantasy I'm writing. It's still seems interesting and I have read that people are like that. But they're like that here too. I know that it is incredibly expensive and I feel for you. I have seen every inch in pictures and YouTube videos from down in the tubes to the London Tower and The Horse Stables Market in Camden. I would love living on the Regent's Canal on a barge. It's so different from the US and that's why I would like to visit.

well you should then, all the canals are great actually, you can see where the ropes have worn groves into the bridges from all the horses that pulled boats along :o)

I know I love it. And the cool graffiti on the bridges there is cool too. I really, really wish that I could.

never say never :o)

2 More Responses

You're proud to be stupid?

those things happen in other countries as well.

That's why Britain is one of the main attractions for people to come to. Lots of history and sites to see. With this comes a mixture of people.


It gets me how true much of this is!

Maybe you should move to Britain lol

No Wii machines in our house thank goodness!

you forgot the no 1 reason for injuries now is from Wii machines as people try the various games.but the rest you got spot on brought a smile to my face cheers.

Very tongue in cheek and very funny-most of it true!<br />
One thing we do have is a good sense of humour-thank goodness,<br />
We need it!

Actually Barclays Bank actually give pens away in their branches which is decidedly un-British! Must be the South African influence!

This is frickin hilarious and totally true<br />
<br />
especially like the one about the pizza/ambulance and the bank chaining down their pens (that usually don't even work)

Lol, Should I be worried? This Christmas I have bought my foster kids a scalexric set and also plan to make our own crackers with them, snap included. Better make sure the first-aid box is well stocked!

and you actually admitted it was an email rather than claiming it for your own which is very british ! The only nationality which can take the **** out of itself and not feel bad about it ! Well done. made me laugh.

Only the British could do Am British but not proud

... and you're proud to be an American!

Americans have some of the things listed too!

I'm not sure, If it was supposed to, it was lost on me! I know he's Scottish, but he should stay off the whisky in my opinion. :o)

Was that supposed to make any sense??

That first paragraph makes me think about the time when we were on holiday in Spain. We went to a restaurant one evening and It also happened to be St Patrick's day. We realised we were in the Costa del Sol, sitting in a German restaurant, being served by a Swedish waitress listening to a bloke who was playing British music for St. Patrick's day which is Irish!! But being British, we felt totally at home, lmao!

One important (but not funny, I suppose) item left off the list?<br />
<br />
We have the ability to laugh at ourselves! All the greatest stand ups around at the moment, use observation as their base. Peter Kay, entire act based upon things we do - all of us - for example. Wonderful stuff.<br />
<br />
Robbo21; that opening paragraph - doesn't that just make us seriously cosmopolitan?? ;-) LIke it. And SO true...

Britain rules

I thought of a few more:<br />
<br />
Only in Britain do we pay out loads of money to join a gym and then drive to get fish and chips.<br />
<br />
Only in Britain do we allow companies to phone us at 9pm to sell us identity theft protection because we are too polite to tell them to bugger off, And after we have brought the identity theft protection that we didn't actually want, we buy yet more rubbish stuff from dodgy from the internet sites which then sell on our ID to India!<br />
<br />
Only in Britain do you pay for high definition television, only to watch shows that were made twenty years ago and we have already seen hundreds of times before.

This seems to be old information now cause you don't usually get pins in men's shirts any more. The health and safety brigade made us change them to plastic clips, wonder what they will do about the out of control Scalextric cars?

Very funny and very true which is a bit of a shame.

Am I the odd one out here. I drink Aussie beer and drive a Swedish car so I could say that I do sit on Swedish furniture too, But it is real leather.<br />
In my supermarket (Not mine as such) flowers are at the front. Is that to remind us men that we have to buy some to atone for our behaviour at times. Cant send real ones on EP though.

In England, over the counter medicines are almost always at the back of the shop. They have a rule that you can't buy more than two packets of 16 paracetamol at any one time, apparently to stop suicide attempts. It's a stupid rule because if you really wanted to kill yourself you would most likely not choose paracetamol, but even if you did, you could just go back in and get more by using different check-outs anyway?<br />
In most supermarkets the first items you would get to are **** and booze followed by clothes, if they are sold, and then fruit and veg. They also put bread at the front of a store which is kind of crafty. Apparently if we smell fresh bread baking, we will feel hungry and will spend more on food. This will never work on me though as I do my shopping back to front so the bread is at the top of my trolley. Ha! The mind of a true Brit!

The pharmacy is in the front of the store and also the cigarettes here in the US. Interesting that most of the stores I frequent actually keep cigarettes in a locked glass cabinet. Prescription drugs are naturally protected by the pharmacists and technicians who work to fill the prescriptions. However, all the over-the-counter medicines are right out along the open shelves,

What are the differences between America and Britain? Are the cigarettes at the front of a shop like they are here and medication at the back? I never put much thought into that before but now I think it really is crazy. :o)

Very funny as an American living in the UK it just makes it a little funnier

Lol, this was an e-mail someone sent me ages ago, reading it again still made me laugh :o)

well written!!! im a yank but i love the brits

Glad to have raised a chuckle :o)

omg that made me laugh so much! thanks for that!

hehehe<br />
<br />
don't forget that some half-wit security guard will not let the same very ill person use the disabled bay because he is not permanently disabled and has no sticker. So, he/she has to park in the next county and then walk to the shop.<br />
<br />

Why do they do that thing with the meds? Maybe some sick government conspiracy to see how strong we are; "This one made it to the bread counter before she collapsed...."

sooo funny milady.<br />
<br />
it seems the we have the same kinds of clots in sunny rsa too. heehee<br />
<br />
we too have the meds in the back of the store.<br />
<br />

Topaz- not the throwing up in toilet thing surely?<br />
sleepless- Yup, I am also British and I am also "that cool" and sadly, I can relate to some of it, the throwing up not the 9v battery on tongue one lol

ROFL a lot of it I can relate too, as well ;)

That all sounds horribly true, thats why I could not wait to leave.

Ha ha! Bless them!!! Imagine the nurses giggling after they found out how these happen.

A friend of mine sent me this in a E-mail and it made me laugh because its so true!!!!

I've only been to the London airport, but alot of those things are true here in Colorado USA! Made me laugh too!