Wanting So Much, Having So Little...

Material things are nice, but are a luxury that I have no problem doing without. By wanting, I mean, security, peace, stability, and freedom. I wanted for nothing as a child, my parents provided me with all that I wanted. Little did I know that they went without to provide for me what they did not have. I find with age comes a great appreciation for my parents. Especially now that I am a mother myself.

I am a mother, and a wife, with a mortgage, and credit cards that were a last resort and the only way to maintain my quality of life that was already pretty low compared to national standards. To most my debt may seem minimal. Based on my income my debts are astronomical, to me.

My family lives paycheck to paycheck, and we are both college graduates. For a good while we had control and a few spare bucks for a pizza once in a while. Then life happened and with that comes human error. We were in a jam for a period at work and I had to work late at the office. Add that to also being a parent and trying to manage a household and keep everyone fed, I was drained and neglected my bills and checking account. Late fees and overdraft charges piled up. None I was able to have waived. Interest rates skyrocketed, minimum payments increased. Our transportation began breaking down. You would think id get my **** together after that, but no. Im nonconfrontational, confronting my increasing debt made me feel bad, and sad, and depressed and angry. I wanted so badly to blow up the credit card companies and my bank. To avoid that feeling, I avoided my bills even more.

I was astounded at how happy I was not paying my bills, I was suddenly able to buy things simply by not paying for things I didnt want to pay for. I know, stupid stupid stupid. I knew better the whole time, but I was bitter and that momentary good feeling was more important than the long term effects of my severe financial neglect.

Suddenly I was able to snap my mind back into reality, with the help of our water being turned off, hahaha and I confronted my desk of unopened. I knew what was ahead of me, I knew the effects of my carelessness would need to be taken care of.

Just when I was mentally prepared to eat Ramen Noodles for the next 14 months, my grampa died. I had to make an emergency drive across 3 states and miss 2 weeks of work to emotionally support my grandma and mourn the death of my dear grandpa and of course attend services.

I was hanging on by a thread before, this put me under. My head was being held underwater and I was thrashing my arms desperatly trying to hold onto something. That was about a month ago, ive managed to keep our utilities on. Thats about it. My mortgage has gone unpaid and the rest of the bills too, im getting calls from collectors. I have got $234.64 cents in my account.

Ahhhh well? Thats about all I can say....

All I want is to be able to provide for my son, and have a few medial luxuries for my husband and I.
Matriarch Matriarch
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 4, 2010

I'm sorry to hear that, I know how you feel. Debts were already burying me alive, and then my car broke down -- un-fixably, so sad because I just paid it off a couple of years ago --- so now I have a car payment. Slow winter sales at my regular job mean my paychecks have been abysmal and there is WAY more month than money. I wish you the best of luck.... I hope you can find a way to make ends meet..... I have been a Mary Kay consultant for a while and it's a nice way to build your self confidence and make extra cash on the side, but if you're going to do that just be prudent about it --- you DO NOT have to invest in inventory to succeed, although it is nicer to be able to give people product as soon as they buy it. Right now in November there's a great deal going on to help you get started and you can find a Mary Kay meeting near you by searching for a consultant on marykay.com. I hope that helps.... if Mary Kay is not for you, I hope you find something that is.....