I Can Never Get Ahead

My husband and I can never get ahead.  We decided a long time ago that we always wanted one of us to stay home with our kids and daycare in Southern California is ridiculous.  My husband has a degree in Computer Networking so we decided I would stay home, he will work.   He brings home $2500 a month and with three kids we're not making it.   I took a weekend bookkeeping job at a restaurant which gives us a monthly take home of $2900 a month. I also am taking a nanny job for another couple of hundred a month that I have yet to start.  I have paying the bills almost down to a science, waiting until shut off notices arrive before I pay it, comparing pay dates to due dates.  We shop at thrift stores, buy and sell on ebay to make extra cash and clothes for the kids but after five years of living this way, I want to know when or if it will ever get better.  I'm in my mid thirties and the fact that I have never been able to go into a store and buy my kids new shoes, not hand me downs from ebay, is taking its toll.  I'm feeling depressed and angry and when I think about it, I take it out on everyone around me.   I snap at my kids when they ask if they can have a toy or if we can buy pizza.   I know I shouldn't, it's not their fault and I shouldn't make them feel the pressure of being broke.  I grew up that way, my mom always telling me we don't have money for this or that and how are we going to pay these bills?  It's taken it's toll on my physically as well.  I put on 50 lbs., I break out like a 15 year old school girl and nausea is a normal part of my day.

My husband, who grew up dirt poor acts like this is fine, there is nothing wrong with it.  Are you kidding me?  You're actually HAPPY living this way?   Yes, I am thankful my kids are healthy and happy but what about long term, our kids future, OUR future once they've moved out?  Can we afford to send them to community college, let alone a university?  His lack of drive or concern for our welfare has affected my feelings for him.  I tried to talk to him about this, he says I'm spoiled.  I told him that I only have $1200 from a 401k from a few jobs ago, he said that should be enough.  

I made a promise to myself though.  I told myself, I'm going to finish college, get a degree and make something of myself.   No more excuses.  I'm always the one who can't afford to meet up with friends for dinner, or can't afford the vacations with our extended family and have gone too many Christmas' without giving any gifts including my own children.  

My fear is that I will still be living paycheck to paycheck and having family members pay for me and my family when we get together in another 10 years when I'm 43. It is so embarrassing. I never thought my life would be this way. I pictured things differently. But don't we all, right? I get so down on myself, I have kids for crissakes that I can barely afford. If it weren't for my parents, I don't know where I'd be. They have saved the day on more than one occasion and I don't know how I can ever pay them back. I hate being my family's charity case but how, besides finishing college, can I get us out of this sooner than later?






serendipity75 serendipity75
4 Responses Aug 14, 2008

Don't feel guilty taking money from your parents. They lived and worked in a whole different economy. When my Dad was in his 60s he was making 17% interest on his savings. Two things come to mind. I know what it is like to have a husband with his head in the sand when it comes to financial stress but he could get a second job. Also I would think you could make more money having several day care kids instead of one nanny job.

God has a plan for your life! To prosper you and give you a future and a new hope; Jeremiah 29:11.. I started out broke and feeling the way you do now, and even with money I'm always feeling like I have to chase it in case I lose it. This is all vanity. Trust in God. He has a plan for you and your family even when things don't look as though its ever going to change. God has no favorites. He loves us all the same and if you will just have faith as small as a grain of sand you can change your circumstances around from just sitting in front of your computer each day. Pray and he will give you the ideas to start making money. The devil has come to steal, kill, and destroy! Jesus came to give us life and more abundantly. Trust him and believe it.

I feel plans are just doomed sometime. Any advice.

I think the biggest problem is how we feel about the situation. Weight gain, snapping, just plain depressed and unhappy! I am dealing with my "stay at home mom" and broke situation the same way. Good Luck.

So get off of your but and do something...Before you endup like me...I am almost 50 years old I sleep om MIL floor of her small 2 bedroom apartment in a Sr. cit. complex...I drive a 67 bug that needs work and have $1.67 in savings...I have worked my butt off most of my life after the kids were old enough...Now I watch them buy a house, new trucks go on vacations and have a blast...and me...I do not know what will happen to me if mt MIL dies...Where will I go then??? Even if you have to school at home....DO IT!!! He sounds a lot like my hubbie.....And I an freaking rght now.