I Am Broke

I am so SICK of being BROKE!!! I am a very ambitious 43 year old who is ambitions because I want to experience the other side of life. I was so determined that I finished College with a Graphic Design Degree, I have 3 kids and a husband who never understood why I had to do my homework instead of pay attention to him...and here I am 1 & 1/2 year later (after graduation) with $30,000 of financial aid to pay back and am still making only $8.47 an hour. I work at the Printing Office at the College I attended...sort of as an assistant to the Graphic Artist. My boss had to open this possition just to keep me here and couldn't pay me much until someone retires, which all of the people have been here for 20 years or more and it's just a matter of waiting...but I am sooooo tired of waiting!!!and Wanting!!! Going nuts!!!! I know I could make alot more somewhere else but my husband has his own business here (a small midwestern town we both grew up in) and moving is out of the question. I always feel sooo controlled by everything!! My boss makes $60,000 a year and runs over everyone else to get it. He pays me $8.47 an hour and orders me around like a little kid....I have a degree and he doesn't...what is wrong with this picture. I have sooo many expenses...and things I need to pay but can't!!! Soooo Frustrating. My old car needs work...I love it and don't want to sell it or trade it because I'd be in even more debt...I want to just put money into it and make it nice...but I can't!!!!!am DREAMING of a better life I can make myself Alllllll the Time!!!! I am not a compulsive buyer either...I try to save my money, but something always takes it. I am getting older and more and more tired....I have arthritis in my joints from working sooo hard. I weigh about 116 lbs because I work sooo hard....I work hard at work...I work hard at home. Right now I am trying to re-do a building behind our house on the weekends (on top of laundry, cleaning cooking & all of that) so I can do some art work in there to make extra money...I dream of breaking away from working for other people and starting my own business all of the time. But I can't even get passed the building repairs so I can spend my time making money instead of spending it on building matterials. I use old pallets from my work, and cheep cheep stuff so I can finish it for next to nothing. I've tried soo many ways before to do this (work at home) but nothing ever works. I am always forced to work for someone else and I hate It!!! I always end up working way too hard for nothing!!! Sooo tired of being pushed around!!!! Sometimes I wonder why I ever went to college...when I hate working for other people soooo bad....anyway!!!I wish I'd never have gotten a degree, its done me no good so far, all I did was rack up another bill to pay....Now I am really owned by society...Now I owe the government, I owe back bills and collection agencies, because we finally had some insurance and we used it...now we owe hospitals and drs and dentists...what a joke my life is. I am burning myself out trying to make more money...but it's never going to happen!! I'll always be poor and broke!!!I have been soo depressed, I can't do anything for my kids accept barely buy them some food. I never can afford cloths or shoes, or anything nice...my husband always has to fork up the money...why can't I-I-I-I-I ever afford things. I want to feel that security, that safe feeling of knowing I AM going to have enough for school supplies this year...I AM going to have enough for X-Mas this year...I CAN afford new tires for my car....because I make enough. I CAN buy some really good expensive comfortable work shoes so my feet don't absolutely kill me everyday. I CAN take a trip this year and have a vacation...Why can't I ever get there?
gbldielox gbldielox
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 24, 2007

If you have those idiotic "student loans," you can get them cancelled if you can find a sympathetic psychiatrist who will pronounce you "totally and permanently disabled" due to depression, anxiety, etc. I'm told that it's not as hard as you think, the paperwork isn't too bad, and the scrutiny is not intense. Best of luck.