Broken Up

A lot of people think I haven't gotten any problems on this site, but I assure you all that I am as broken as the next.
I don't post much about my brokenness because I am sort of ashamed of it. I try to smile for everyone and make you guys laugh, or I try to comfort if and when I can, but I do have my own issues to deal with believe me.

I fear relationships because I fear the pain that I associate with them. I fear closeness and friendship for the same reason, which makes for a lonely life for the most part.

I try to pick up the pieces of my brokenness and put them back together but it seems they fall apart sometimes as fast as I put them back in place. I am trying my very bast as of lately to get them back together because of someone I have met, but I feel I am unworthy because of my brokenness. I am also very insecure because of the past. My poor heart is almost afraid to beat anymore it seems. But I'm doing my best. I don't want to be like this forever. Sometimes the simplest of things will cause the pieces to go flying and I am very ashamed when they do. Times like now.

I'm sorry my friends if I seem distant sometimes or if I don't make ya smile when you are needing one. Sometimes you have to be a little patient with me.
BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia
41-45, M
13 Responses Dec 24, 2007

I'm glad we're friends too. TY for your comment.

Dont ever feel ashamed when you feel like this...The little i know about you, you are a good guy and i see your friends speak the trueth... :-)<br />
Take Care

ty cjewels the same goes for you.

I could say the same about you SSS. TY for the comment. : )

TY TenderHeart. I am slowly rebuilding the brokenness.<br />
It is a slow road though. : )<br />
I am doing better now than I have in years.

You deserve to be happy your smart, talented, you offer great advice, I feel honored to have you as a friend :).

XOXO hugs we all love you!

Look at how much everyone loves you, Blue! I am sure your lady loves you so much too-but my friend why is your mood "Ashamed"?<br />

I luv you guys. I really do.. : )

Blue....I know what you are saying!!! You are the greatest sweetie!!! You need to just give yourself a chance. Your heart wont steer you wrong. Trust me I know. I have been where you are and Im still going through it. I think Im whole again and then I fall apart piece by piece. One day Ill be whole again.....I hope! But as for you.....youre gonna get what you want because you deserve happiness.

Thanks U2. I am just feeling the brokenness pretty deeply this morning. I guess I'll go deal with it and return later.<br />
<br />
I feel so unworthy of relations. I have been without such for years and have been ok. Lonely but ok. Grrrrrrrr I hate feeling what I am feeling today. I'm ashamed and sad at the same time.

Blue, you are not alone. And you always make me smile...I am glad you met someone. <br />

Good luck with the person you have met. I am sure she is a great girl. Give her a chance; don't let the past ruin a relationship that could be great. <br />
<br />
As for the rest, you are always kind. Don't worry so much about helping all the time. Somtimes all you need to do is listen...and you do. Again, good luck with your relationship. :)