Lost My Feel Of Everything

I'm seventeen and i'm going throughthemost important year of my life in high school and i can't seem to feel the pressure.
It all started when i discovered i had trichotillomania (A hair-pulling disorder, ever since then i would cry every night and every day, i'm always worried, and nervous of my appearance and of how to explain why there are bald spots on my head, it was probably the worst year ever (I was 14 then) ofcourse the first 2 years of my Trich were alright considering i had long hair and i was able to cover empty patches easily, and along those years i made a best friend, she was my other half, and when i was with her i forgot all my problems. Even so i didn't dare tell her about my disorder. I tryed hiding it from everyone pretty much, but i guess she felt i wasn't completely honest with her,, but how could i be!! It's such a shmefull disorder! :(
Anyways i spent two years with my best friend stronger than ever. And i was working with a doctor to get a cure, i thought everything was going well, although part of the cure was to shave my head for six months. I hadn't got another solution to do but to shave, so i did, but i kept hiding the whole time, never go out, never let anybody in,, my friendship with her was falling apart,so i wanted to grow out my hair as quick as possible so i could have her over again,, but it wasn't quick enough. At that point, everything i was working for kinda stopped and started falling backwards. She said she doesn't want to be friends anymore and i still don't know why,, i tryed finishing my cur e progress and my hair was groing out well, until one day i found myself pulling again and nothing seemed to change, my disorder was still there, the 4 months shaving i did didn't work. I was back from zero, or maybe a bit below that.
Ever since then i can't seem to care about anything, i never cryed since then about a thing, my cat died and i didn't cry, the guy i like left me, and i still didn't cry. Nothing seems to be affecting me. It's like iv'e been pulled too hard and now i broke.
Like i said at the begenning i'm at a very important stage where it's an only chance and i can't afford to lose it. I'm so scared of not being scared or caring about my studying. Ii don't know what to do, i'm still suffering from Trich but it's like im not bothered anymore, im not seeking help, like i gave up on me.
I don't wanna give up yet it's still the begenning, but nothing i say or go through is making it better :(
Please if anyone can help me in any way. Please. I'm desperate.
Rika95 Rika95
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 8, 2012

I bet you are better now, look for thrill in outdoors and on books, I feel down right now but I know it will be better soon, it has to happen, it's gonna happen as always but it doesn't mean bad times wont come back anymore.


try this site. you can win this fight! :)

You can do it. Don't let it beat you. (hugs)