Lonely And Broken Hearted.

Well where do you begin with my story.  I am a 35 year old male that has a service connected disability from when I was in the United States military.  Dating never came easy for me and I never thought I would do it.  Then last January I met the girl of my dreams.  I fell head over heels in love with her from the moment I met her.  We were together for almost a year.  We moved in together in May of last year, and it just went down hill from there.  My relationship with her started to getting to stressful in last couple months of it.  Most of it was financial and some of it was emotional.  See because I have this disability I sometimes get depressed, and to add to it I was spending my entire monthly benefits from the VA to pay for her car and her house.  Plus I was watching her three children while she was working.  The constant fighting between the kids, the lack of money, the lack of emotional support, and the isolation I started feeling turned me into a monster.  In January of this year me and her got into a loud argument about the way her child was acting.  I over stepped my bounds way to much and said she should do something about the way the six year old was acting.  And then I left, not thinking about what I had done.  I contacted her a couple of days later, to see if she wanted to reunite and try and make this work and she told me she was moving to Texas, and that I was mean to her kids.  Now I will tell you the truth in the end I was in such a panicky state I started blowing my top way too much.  But some of the things her girls did to other people appalled me.  Example I caught the 12 year old lighting fires in her bedroom with a lighter.  I also caught the 6 year old burning paper in a candle that was in her room.  They knocked my xbox 360 off a dresser and both of them lied and said they didn't know what happened and that they didn't do it, but they were the only two in the room.  I found things missing from my wallet like money and an atm card.  The 6 year old would deliberately start a fight with the 12 year old by spitting in her face.  The 12 year old threatened the 6 year old, with physical harm.  Then there were the temper tantrums.  I didn't know what to do.  I asked my ex-girlfriend, and she said to send them to their rooms.  I did then the 6 year old started playing the game where she would run and laugh at me.  Now I tried to let them handle the problems as much as I could, but I was afraid the 12 year old would hurt the 6 year old.  So everytime the 6 year old spit in her sister's face, I would send her to her room.  She wouldn't go she jumped in a chair and started laughing at me.  So I picked her to carry her to her room, then she started punching at me and kicking at me.  I thought I did what I was supposed to do.  Then one day I sent her to her room, and she was on her bed kicking the walls, and even beating her head against the wall.  My anxiety level went through the roof, I didn't know what to do.  I picked her and sat her on my knee and told her to look at me and explain why she is doing this.  I couldn't understand why she was acting that way.  Other times that she would be sent to her room, she would trash it completely and throw things out the door.  or she would try to break her toys.  Anytime I stepped in to stop her she would scream like I punched her.  and I never hit any of those children.  One day in December the six year old came into my room and wanted a sandwich, I said okay but give me a minute.  She said okay I'll get the stuff out to make the sandwich.  A little bit later I walked into the kitchen and I seen peanut butter, jelly, bread, and a clean plate on the cupboard and assumed that is what she wanted.  I made the sandwich and cut it into quarters, and told her the sandwich was there.  A half hour later she came into the bedroom and said you forgot my sandwich.  I said no I didn't its on the cupboard.  She went into the kitchen and started screaming.  She screamed that she don't like those kind.  I walked out there and said what I thought that is what you wanted.  She then ran into her screaming.  I was perplexed.  At this point I got angry myself, and said what do you want then.  She wouldn't answer she just sat there in her room and screamed.  So I went in there and picked her up, and carried her out to the kitchen, and told her to show me what kind of sandwich she wanted, then I made it.  Now mind you she put the peanut butter and jelly out there for a sandwich before why did she change her mind.  I tried leaving the next day, My ex was off the next day, and I told her I was leaving but I didn't want to leave her.  But I saw her crying and I knew I loved her with all of my heart, and so I stayed.  Now all through December and January my bills weren't being paid because I was paying to save her house.  I only make so much money, and I was spending it the first day of the month on her house and car.  Also at this time my brother was supposed to be paying me rent and he wasn't.  Long story short, I was getting turned into collection agencies for past due amounts on several bills, so I was upset the whole month of January.  Well then we had our fight and she moved to Texas. Before she went she told me the 12 year old told her I shook her sister, and that I was mean all the time.  This devastated me.  I never shook the 6 year old, so I went to the VA for anger management and psychological treatment.  I was so broken hearted.  Then sometime during February my ex called me on the phone, and I was so elated with joy.  She wanted me back.  We talked for a month, and then she wanted me to come out to Texas and bring her car.  The night I was supposed to leave I hesitated a little, and then she called me on the phone and started screaming at me that I screwed her over.  So I packed everything in the car, and drove to Texas.  I got there in one day.  I stayed for three weeks, because I had to come home and get my stuff and my truck.  I also needed a month to get rid of my debt.  Now throughout April she was always getting testy with me on the internet, and I didn't know what I did wrong.  Then finally three weeks ago she broke up with me again.  She told me she doesn't have time for a relationship and she don't love me no more.  She said it was a mistake to call and she wishes she hadn't.  But she wanted me to leave the car out there.  I was devastated by this and started to cry.  Then tonight I did something I shouldn't have I went on her facebook page, and found out she was dating again.  Now I don't know what to do.  I am absolutely crushed.  I don't know where I went wrong.  My world is just destroyed.  She was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  I will never find someone like her ever again.  And I swear on the bible that I never did anything to hurt her children, I never meant to be mean but sometimes their actions were atrocious, and I felt they should be held accountable for them.  But now my relationship with her is over and now I sit her all alone typing this.

thomasriley99 thomasriley99
31-35, M
6 Responses May 4, 2010

Well been four years since that was over. The last I checked the mother was arrested for public intoxication. Not Sure about oldest and youngest daughter, but I know the middle child had a baby a 15 with the mother's former boyfriend. So woohoo I escaped a nightmare.

I am glad you don't have to deal with those horribly misbehaved kids anymore. It was a scary situation from everything to violence to fires...just was a question of who was going to prison first and now you can be removed from this high risk group. No matter how much you felt love for her, the way she handles her kids says is her problem. Best wishes for a new, healthy love.

Oh my friend I feel your pain, I have a friend who is married to a woman who has 3 children from 2 other fathers, not his own. The kids are apparently are bratty and spoiled. They test his will all the time and even say in front of him to their mother, why she married him. Anyhow long to the short, your are is immensely wounded and that's where I feel for you and it makes me very sad that you are sad. I just got off a break up as well within the last week and I've been in agony. I won't get into my details except that you gotta hang in there. You're gonna beat yourself up, I have already. It is so hard to stay positive when things are so depressing. Here's a link to something I just found about 30 minutes ago and it is helping and I know that I will have to conduct this excercise frequently to actually get it working. <br />
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I am happy that my point of view was correct. It is true that children would do anything to get attention, including negative ways. I've been watching "the nanny" (no, not that lady with the irritating voice haha), many times, it was a Belgian program about nannies and 'problem children'. I saw their how bad children would do anything to get attention, 'cause just like with adults, especially children also do what works.<br />
Loved your last sentence most of all ;-)<br />
take care xxx

Thank you for the reply. Because of my disability dating was always a hard thing for me to do. She came into my life at time in my life when I needed some happiness and I came into hers when she needed me most. Your right about everything. I noticed a lot of unfair treatment mostly towards the 12 year old. I felt she was neglected in favor of the oldest and the youngest. I always felt she acted the way she did was because she wanted attention and any attention even negative attention was good enough for her. I had a long talk last night with some friends of mine. Our relationship started to break up when the children started taking control. I felt towards the end before I left that kids didn't like me anymore because I wasn't spending any money on them. Like you said the children have been spoiled by everyone in there life, me included. I just did what I saw her do. And being as she was a very sensitive person, I didn't know how to approach her about any problems I was having. I was always afraid to tell her when I was feeling down. The worst part is I always told her I love her, and I just felt she didn't know how much I meant it. I feel she will never have a normal relationship with anyone till she gets the three girls under some form of control. Now when we lived in my house, we had control over. I mean we had some problems here and there, but there kids they act out sometimes. But the circumstances surrounding her moving into my house, let to a major split between me and my brother, and I moved into her house instead to ease some of the damage and to get away from my brother. <br />
I don't hold any ill will against her children, I love them dearly but I felt my relationship was with their mother and not them, and somewhere me and Tammy lost that spark. He became to important for us to do what the kids want and I never got a moment alone to tell her my feelings. I tried to in March but I sensed she no longer reciprocated the feelings. Oh well, better to have loved and lost, then to never love at all.

Wow. This is the longest story i have ever read on EP. I read every word of it and now I'm trying to find the right words to help you out.<br />
I do not blieve you did anything wrong. I have the feeling that this woman has neediness and that that is the obstacle that made her leave you. Love doesn't have any neediness. While I was reading the story I also had this feeling that her children, especially the girl with the sandwhich, is spoiled. No good. And you gave in. That's even worse. She'll scream louder if you don't give in, but after a while (a long while I believe) she'll start to get it. I only assume that young girl is being spoiled, also about the other children. That the boys are playing with fire .. hm. I know from a co-worker of mine he did just the same thing and he was an only child without brothers or sisters. I think those boys who are playing with fire are in need of more love. I think you only did everything you could do. There's nothing more that you should have done. I think things are being misunderstood and that this woman you loved, she didn't see your good intentions. I always believed relationships mostly end when two people, or one of them, refuses to understand the other persons' actions and intentions, because people only do what works, people act from their own point of views, and your point of views were probably different then hers. Ask yourself if she is the right woman for you when she doesn't understand you.<br />
I don't know what else I could think of to write.. I hope these few words of mine helped a bit.. Take care xxx