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Ever Since

My wife told me she married me because I was the only one who asked, I have been a broken man.
At first, in the moment, I was thankful I finally knew, but in the days and weeks after, I became angry.
In time I realized my heart was broke, and I didn't ever see it being healed. I still don't.
At least now, I think that if I meet the right woman, together we can piece it back together.
dangerously39 dangerously39 51-55, M 5 Responses Oct 21, 2011

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Hello - I know it's been two years since your initial post, but I just wanted to say that I definitely understand your past situation. I am in a similar one, except that I am the female and I believe that I mainly married my husband because he was also the only one who asked. But also, he was the only one who properly courted me, who didn't stop pursuing me even when I tried to give him the heave-ho, and the only man who ever called me "beautiful" outside of my father. Maybe in the heat of the moment she told you only ONE fact of why she married you. I know that I really appreciated the attention my husband gave me, and knew that it would be very hard to find someone that loved me as much as he did, and still does.

I'm not perfect, of course - I am having problems with my marriage myself, but it is I that cannot let go of the past and what is ailing me right now with my marriage and how my husband hurts me again and again with his actions and words. My husband, however, is in love with me so much that he sees our marriage through rose-colored glasses, and loves me just as much as he did when we were first dating. I just hope that I can rekindle and feel the same way about him, I don't want to break up our family. Pray for me please, but I also pray for you that you find peace.

i know you dont want to hear this, but before completely giving up on this, ask her about her state of mind. whether she is willing to put in effort to re-acquaint herself with who you are now, to go on dates with you and try to get the love back, and to go to marriage counseling. this way, you will walk away with integrity knowing you really were willing to put in all you could, and her intentions in this will shine right on through. if shes not willing to work for it, well you have your answer. if she is...let's see.

Hi iceshot11, thanks for the input. Although I may sound angry, hopefully not too bitter, I am not above swallowing my pride (again) in trying to work at this, but...
We have been to counseling, and she never commits to it. She has admitted to making mistakes (once) in the one and only recent session she attended with me. She just wouldn't go again. She doesn't like anyone telling her she has possibly done something wrong. She cannot take perceived or real criticism, constructive or not. Her attitude is one of "not my fault". I have been through this before, and she has not budged.

ah, i didnt know, so i apologize, but well...if you have given it your all, there really is nothing more that you can do. i hope either this woman turns around,, or that you find someone who cares for you the way you care for others if the woman you are currently with wont budge in trying to fix your relationship. my deepest regards for you

and no, you dont sound too bitter, in fact, you shouldnt feel too much remorse on expressing the truth. dont be so hard on yourself, you have enough on your plate as it is

I think if there is no way that this will be better, then it's time to move on. You can't find someone else (especially a decent person) if you are still married.

You are so right. Thanks!

It was insensitive. I think in my case i would've seized the moment and told my husband that i married him to shut him up (cuz i kinda did). he'd laid on the pressure to marry a few years before and i said yes despite his miserable disposition and verbal abuse.<br />
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I guess my point is, did you think that maybe you had both been unhappy all that time and that is why she acted as she did? Perhaps a meeting of the minds could have been achieved in that moment?

Hi Peaches, thanks for your insight. I knew I was unhappy with the relationship, but always thought love would conquer all. Although I tried to make her happy, she never was happy with anything. She made mountains out of molehills, and still does. She never seems happy or content with what she has, and I think it's ungrateful to act that way. She's got that champagne taste on a beer budget. LOL
And it was a big enough thing for her to admit to that, that I was stunned and left it at that for awhile.

i've got champagne taste and beer income too. I know how to make that work with my budget though. I think that's part of the problem sometimes is ppl think they're owed something over a slight committed against them 5 years ago.

What an insensitive thing to say. The right woman for you would not have said something so cruel to hurt you. You are still a young man. There is still time to find the a woman who will care for you because you are you. Give yourself time to heal. I wish you well.

Thank you Carissimi.