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The Feelings And Love Of A Dead Heart.


Heaven, stars and moon knows how deeply my heart loves my girl, how truly and how purely my heart loves her that i know, i would have done anything for her if only she had asked me once but she just kicked me from her heart without any reason and i was left lifeless with this immeasurable pain. i know she don't care me anymore but how can i tell this to my heart? it has closed its ears and eyes, it neither sees anything nor hear, just feel this pain.
how beautiful dreams it had dreamed, how much love it had wanted to give her, how much care it had wanted to give her, how gravely it had waited to hold her but now all these wishes and wants are crashed like a mirror, and seeing its wishes and wants which my heart has collected so fondly, which it has cared so delicately, which it has protected so strongly and which it has decorated so beautifully is now broken into pieces and crushed by her legs, she never thought how much pain it gave to my heart but it cannot show this to her, it just cries inside so uncontrollably .

My brain tires to create anger in my heart, my eyes tries to show fault in her, my ear tries to make it hear how cruel is she, but it doesn't make any sense to my heart, this poor heart is not willing to accept any of these and how could it? the girl whom it has loved so deeply, the girl whom it want to see so happy and smiling now how it  could make that face sad, the girl who was so soft and loving to it now how it could hate her, just it has closed itself with its pain in dark and closed chamber where it couldn't see anything nor hear just let river of tears.
how happy it was, how it makes my whole body to cheer and enjoy, how this heart used to make my mood so exhilarated, how it makes me laugh, how it makes me to do so many fun, whenever i was depressed how it inspired me, but now when it is in such a grave pain i could not do anything. 

why don't she understand?
if distance was the reason then that could be reduced, i would try any hard ways to reach her, if humans could reach mars and moon then can't i reach her who is in same earth?.
if my habits was reason? then i would have changed any hardest habit of mine in her single order.
whatever she wants me to be i could be,
there are so many girls and wife who has waited their love and husband for so many years and why can't she wait just 2 or 3 years for me.

what does she thinks, that i haven't suffered her absence here?
she don't know whenever i saw any boys holding their girls and kissing how i have wished to do that with her,
whenever i have seen any lover walking in street holding their hands how i have wished to do that with her,
whenever i have seen any guy taking his love in his arms how i have wished to do that with her,
whenever i have seen any girls crying how my heart worried about her,
whenever i have seen any girls falling how i have worried about her,
Every night how i used to wake up at those nightmares and how i used to cry,

how i have boasted  before my friends that my girl is not like theirs, 
how i have shouted at peoples she loves me true
in my each failure how strong hope i have that my girl is with me
how i fight with my dad and family when they said not to love such girls, how i have proved them she is true
whenever i saw lovers together how i make my heart satisfy that one day i will be with her and we gonna love each other more than them, 
 

i have asked nothing just asked her to wait, why don't she understand days are not like this forever, one day we could be together, and how especial our love could be, how sweet it would be after this long sufferings, but she left me in the middle, she promised to walk with me for forever but she left before we have started.
Now she says i should make another girlfriend from her own mouth, she said i should forget her, she said i should not love her, she said i should not wait her, she said she don't love me anymore, she knows everything what to say after breakup but she don't know how deep pain i have to feel to hear them,  she don't know  how i have to suffer for my whole life now, she don't know how i love her and cry for her, she don't know how am i trying to hold this heart and trying to breath.
she never loved me truly but i did, if she would have ever loved any guys with her heart then she could know it, but she didn't
she says she is not for me, she is wrong girl for me, then why she proved to me that  she is only for me, she is right girl and my soul mate. Though those were lies but my heart took them true, and that is the only one mistake which it made and take it to it's grave..

heaven says there is always one angel for the broken true lovers and who will bring his life and heart back, who will mend all the broken and who will heal all the wound, 
but i have no hope for such an angel because while leaving me she proved to me i am not a true lover, if i was then she should have believe me and won't have left me..................

                                     I wanted to prove how true lover i am  but she proved me how insane and fool i was...........
Eripzo Eripzo 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 12, 2011

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Hi Eprizo, I know quite some time hast passed since you wrote this. How are you doing? Both your stories were very touching.
As a matter of fact, spouses who met on the internet have the lowest chance of a devorce. So whatever people say, the internet is not a bad place for finding true love.
It's a sad thing that women who weren't treated well by their parents so often seem to go for guys who don't deserve them because they can't see how much they deserve. I can understand that it broke your heart, but what you are doing is not any different. She is a grown up person who can make her own choices and if she chooses to be unhappy you can try to convince her otherwise, but if she doesn't listen to you then it's a burden she has to bear and your not doing her or yourself a favour by pitying her for the rest of your life. You sound like someone who deserves to be loved too, so don't punsh yourself. Give it time, but don't give up on your chance to be happy one day. If she doesn't want you anymore and hurts you, she is not the kind of person who deserves you and there may be someone out there who does deserve to be with you.

Anyways, good luck!