The Story of Personal Feelings for us Both

I usually wonder why someone who you have truly loved so long.

Would leave you feeling utterly bewildered and blindsided by her heart breaking act.

Is there nothing that you did not notice. Even in the glimpse of an instant, that felt "off"?

I was gratefully married for 36 yrs.

Before the just as unexpected,without a symptom, we could not dream was to come, came as a

heart attack (while in bed without t.v. or lights) I never knew. Unless I went into denial. Yet I had not really believed in denial before.

I do now. He never said a word just trembled & relaxed, then I relaxed. Sleeping happily close. He never felt any different in any way.

Back to you, and the care you require. (Honestly, of course we all do)

Maybe there was part of you, a barely recognizable nuance of intuition you wished away

or refused to dissect an odd thing you wondered....I'm wondering that.

There may have have some clue, you managed to 'stiff arm'.

Is there more that you know now? The more you are open to understand the more you may find a healing Peace

to move forward into  greater opportunity for renewal of happiness but having a stability within

Life seems to force that we internalize.  Learning to trust our intuition and/or "gut" responses really takes constant practice.

Yet, I don't want to feel worse. Or have one more regret, that I have not tried  to do my best

Not ever, for my whole life. I have committed myself to Goodness and all the things that are trustworthy because of it.

I do still feel married but that IS how I feel so, as I have become a caretaker for my mom,

and our son who was 18 when his best friend and mine had to go,

is doing his best to cope but I must be in a constant positive head space

for every reason when it comes to him.  Later I can hit the shower and cry if I must.

I know how wrong it feels to have known most of your life as a team that is no longer .

I am stronger than I knew.  It has been hard won. I am so Grateful no matter how painful these lessons have been.

I know there is strength in you that a broken heart makes it harder to draw on.

This is Yours. Give Thanks for what you do have~

Know you are not alone

You are worth all the Love you gave without question

and more. Why?  Because you do care.

To Care and to Try, Counts.

Love you every effort.


True8 True8
51-55, F
3 Responses May 25, 2012

Im touched by your beautiful writing True8, Im so sorry for the loss of your team and best friend, you sound like a great Mum xx

0h my dear friend reading this I can feel your pain,I know that you are very strong,very strong indeed due to your unconditional love and belief in our God.

i read this before true but i must have been sleeping or maybe it took me two reads to get my gears turning. i am going to read it again. love you!