Brianna, My Heart

For 6 and half years, I was with a VERY beautiful, sweet, loving, and caring girl named Brianna. We met junior year in high school and worked at a Pizza Hut very close to an apartment complex we both lived - in central NJ. Brie was like one of the guys only sexier lol! I loved my high school friends, (black, white, Spanish – ANYBODY) not only in school but also at work. The store we were at was very popular so a lot kids came to work there that we had classes with. Even the GM was really young, only 25 at that time. Every day of our summer, after graduation was a like frat party!! Beer pong, weed, music, Road trips to the Jersey Shore – NO HOLDS BARRED, FUNN! Brie was always cool with more guys than girls so when I found out she liked me I was very cautious about seeing her on THAT level. She had a very “questionable” reputation. The girlfriends that she did have weren’t very “pure” either so this made me even more hesitant. The one thing I could say about her is when she did date, exclusively, she was the ideal girlfriend, so caring!
That summer we fell in love with each other, we were inseparable and even the friends that advised against seeing her became jealous of what we had with several attempts to come between us. In September, we became an Item officially. I had to move to my original home in North Jersey but we didn’t split up. We made it work long distance, seeing each other every chance we got.
A couple years from then I realized that Brianna was fighting an addiction to opiates and even heroin. She began spending a lot of time with her best friend’s boyfriend in 2007 who also had the same problem. His habit was a bit more obvious which made her best friend and even myself suspicious of the 2. I accused her of cheating because at a small party they both were at, after losing a bet over beer pong, she ********. Brianna likes to be wild on an impulse. I didn’t find out until that winter and I was so angry with her! I would have left her alone completely but before THIS NEWS, I found out her and I were going to have a baby. I was scared and in disbelief but I was excited at the same time. I decided to stay with her.
During her pregnancy, brie moved to SC with her mom where her parents could help and support her financially, we were both still too young to make it in Jersey – age 20. This was more long distance but we fought through it and I moved in with her and our son, Julian in 2009. We got our own place in SC and worked as hard as we could. We loved each other but argued like any other couple. Sometimes it got REALLY ugly but not hands on violent. Around new friends, Brianna seemed to show some of the same patterns, hanging closer to the ones with some of the same addictions, esp her friend Kevin.
I didn’t think too much of the friendship because Kevin didn’t seem like her type - the common redneck stereo type. Her addiction to pills got really bad in 2011 and I decided she needed to move back in with her mom. She would nod off doing regular tasks like eating or smoking a cigarette. I would work during the day and come home to her passed out with our little boy running around. I had to go back to jersey with my family where I planned to build back up and get Brie and Julian later. We were still together. In January 2012 things got ugly. She was SEEING Kevin and right after I visited for Christmas. She lied over and over, denying a sexual relation but I could tell by how much she was with him. She would barely even talk to me anymore. I felt so sick in my stomach and I got really depressed. In Feb, after Vday we began to talk again and I thought things would get better but shortly after I discovered sex videos she made with Kevin. I was so ill inside; my stomach hurts now even typing about it. We barely talked in 2012 until July when I decided to profess my love to her over the phone. I was in the middle of NYC damn near crying begging her to reconsider our relationship. Pretty sad huh? Begging the one who cheated to take you back… She said no and told me she was happy. I was sick again but slowly recovered. Later in Sept I found out she was sexually assaulted and I was so pissed. I tracked her down by phone and she seemed so happy to talk.
I wasn’t as eager as before so I stayed back and let her live out the remainder of their relationship. They both ended up in rehab, where Brie still is this year. We spoke a little and she seemed to be as anxious as I was about fixing things up until last month. She was acting really strange and I could tell there was someone else. On top of that, now she’s in beautiful FL. Last night I looked her up on FB and saw her in a new relationship which she told me she didn’t want. I tried one last time to fight for her which was an utter failure. I didn’t sleep at all and today I can barely eat. It would be nice to be able to move on but for the time being, I’m secluded upstate NY where there isn’t much happening and a whole lot of time for thinking. SO HERE I AM… Thanks for reading
HollowBravado HollowBravado
26-30, M
6 Responses Apr 18, 2013

funny how we love the ones that hurt us

I guess someone has to do it ((lol))

My sons name is Julian. I think you should focus on your boy. You are such a loving man and your son will see how great you are and that's all that matters. Take her to court, her rehab episode will be enough for at least joint custody.

WOW ((lol)) that's pretty funny - the Julian's =) He lives with her parents while the both of us are away. Things will change later on. I have to keep reminding myself to focus on him, primarily and not to get sidetracked... thanks a lot for reading and commenting! I sincerely mean that!

Thanks for writing this story, I read another one and does she have the child? I would fight for custody if I was you. I'm not heartbroken but my ex said really mean stuff to me by text and told me I look terrible now even though I lost 5 lbs. it hurt my feelings a lot.

No she doesn't have him, that's for the best. When I stabilize I'm gonna seek full custody, for now, he's in the best care.
I'm sorry to hear about the verbal abuse your facing, it's wrong when both men and women use each others flaws with hurtful intent... I can't say I'm not guilty of it too.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this heart break. You're too good of a person and you deserve loads better. I'm going to give you my personal opinion even though you might not like it very much, but I'm just going to say it. She doesn't deserve you or your love. If she truly did love you like you loved her, she would have fought to keep the spark in your relationship. It may have been the drugs that influenced or maybe that's just her nature but either way - all in all, you deserve someone who is going to be as dedicated as you are. And according to your story, she doesn't fit the description. I hope you find your love one day. You're too sweet of a guy to end up alone - I see it as being impossible. But I also hope the pain you dealt with has subsided and your doing better. You deserve to be happy. Youre amazing man. Continue being strong! You're still young ykno (:

Oh wow I've been through heartbreak myself I know the feeling and it's not a good one at all. I still struggle with it from time to time but I hope it gets better for you :)

Hi Bud, it has truly been a torrid time. But based on my personal experience, may I merely suggest.. be fair to yourself, and give your life a chance to live. You have the right to live a good and happy life. Just unchain yourself and meet new people. You sound like some who should not have any problem. Not saying get into anything, but a new person always brings a fresh view point. Talking and catching up won't hurt nothing, but may ease some of the hurt..take care, God Bless :)

Thank you soo much!! I really appreciate the encouraging words! Thank you for ur time

Hey no probs Bud, just wish I had some girl out there who'd be in love with me .. One day ? some day ?

They say there's someone out there for everyone.. and you find them when you least expect it.. (idk who "they" are that says this stuff but "they" may have a point) lol best of luck on your journey.

Hey thanks man... I hope it's sooner than later.. 'coz I'm really sick of life.. just have loan to clear .. there's no bloody purpose left.. and it's not like I need to prove myself to anyone or my folks need me for old age, they're all set. .. All I can ask is for a prayer from your heart.. 'coz I'll be honest mate - I don't know what your religion, you don't need to know mine ( plus I am not only atheist, I'm a non believer only where I'm concerned, 'coz I feel and have sensed it .. God has abandoned me.. He doesn't event want me around any of his hang outs - churches,temples, mosques, etc. .. It's cool man.. thanks for your kind words..maybe I'll post one day on confessions..lemme know then... I know I messed up, I'll just be coming clean..that's all :)

Of course God wants you! My religion is christian and I believe in Jesus the savior but I'm not so "religious" per say... bc religion divides us as people. I just believe in love more than anything - Love for your fellow man. And to me, God is love! God's calling you bro, that's why, even subconsciously you told me God bless... Maybe u just felt like it was a nice thing to say but, really, non believers don't say that. There are rare occassions that I even say it lol. But you did bc he's inside of you... that small still voice. That's the God in you. There is purpose out here and it's ok to not know what it is.Seems like the whole world has it all figured out but the rest of us, everyday is a twist. DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!!!!! DON'T DO IT!! You don't HAVE to be in church to find God. Just stay hungry for life. If you can find the movie YES MAN with Jim Carrey, PLEASE WATCH IT! It'll inspire you! Then act on it! Just start saying yes to every HUMANE opportunity you get!! Just try something new as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else. Your life will blossom when you step out of the safety box. I promise you'll find all new purpose bro AND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE WILL COME ALONG WITH IT!!! Grab life by the reigns and take the ride!! who cares where you go

in spite or ur pain, u r still motivating others ...a true hero :)

Hehe...lol ..yes I've seen it.. poor fellow gets really screwed by his vow and the dame..man is she mean.. I kinda' forgot the end.. but sure I'll get on to it..can't promise to go on a Yes spree right now, I'll be out on the streets before I know it.. but yes it's something I'll do..what was the deal ? You gotta say a 100 back to back yes-es, yeah ? :D

Does this place have a chatroom or something, if you know ? Please advise , thanks.

LOL I know a yes spree is pretty outrages but i thought the chick was pretty hot lol! Thats like my dream girl right now cuz she was into whatever! fun girl. Man this is my first day on this site, i just needed to talk to people and vent... i'll let u know though

Hey cool..same here ! Bro, I just went through the thread of advises .. Your love story is so Forrest Gump, know what I mean..it's uncanny !! See, I'm no authority and trust me no one is, it's your life.. but as I suggested, be fair to yourself, just run into some one for a change..I just have one question. If it's not too personal , have you just gone up to Brie any one of these days or before and told her you're taking her back "home" with you ? And what did she say ?

It's pretty pathetic, I haven't. We haven't been able to see each other since dec 2011. Circumstances and situations changed. They got really bad and then they got worse.. I was trying to give her space but I long for that day when I'll be face to face with her again. Right now, i cant afford the trip and hotel

Sure take your time.. but I recommend, though might come off sounding stupid, watch Forrest Gump carefully and make your call. I not saying right now, but if she means so much to you, go and get her back without thinking of how she'll respond. You after all want only her well being. I'm visualising you bring her back, she does the girl and cutlery set thing, if at all and then I trust you to be able to cool her off with words or whatever it is you do and in utmost intensity profess your feelings. She can very well have her space while being in your home and caring for the kid. I will accept here that all this is easier said than done. But do work it out however you feel you should :)

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