I'll Never Be Repaired
We were so... special. It was so right. It felt so meant to be.
He told me he loved me. He told me he never wanted to lose me. He made a wish with me when we were at the trevi fountain in Rome. He loved me. He really did.
But I knew he suffers from bad depressions. And right now, we're broken up because he thinks he can't handle having me so close at this moment. He says he needs time and space to recover, and can not love me as long he is the way he is right now.
I felt like he would be happy to be without me. But I am broken, and he is too. It feels so terrible. Even though I should be convinced he no longer loves me, I can't. He still takes me to the bus stop after school, and he held my hand. He told me he cares so much about me, and can not stand to see me so broken up. He still tells me not to bite my nails and to do my school work right, so that I won't fail my exams next year. He still does all those things.
He says that when he gets whole, I will probably already be with someone else, because there's so many people around who are better than him. But, no one's better than him. No one. No one.
But he doesn't love me, right? I don't get it. I am so endlessly sad. I will never ever love anyone else. He is my best friend and the only person I have loved in my life. I don't want to get over him. I don't want to forget what we had. I don't want to give up on my feelings for him. They're too special.
When I wake up in the morning I immediately feel this hole inside that I can't fill up, and I don't want to get up. I don't want to do any of the things I planned. Not without him. Not without.. everything I lost with him. I can't remember anything without feeling awful. We were so special. We are young, but we were different. We really were. But I no longer get it. I wish there was someone out here who could tell me what to do.