Okay so I'm the type of person to bottle everything up and not speak about my feelings to anyone I know and care about! However I feel like this could help me out!

I was with my boyfriend for nearly three years and I loved him with all my heart! I genuinely thought I would marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.

Sure we didn't have the best relationship, we argued all the time but we always promised that we would never walk away for one another! We said we would be together forever, I would have done anything for him, I loved that boy more than anything in this whole world

So recently I moved to university which is only 20 miles away from him, I got three weeks in and he finishes with me over the phone because 'he doesn't want to take me away from the uni life' and 'he couldn't do long distance' and then because I didn't want to accept it he got very abusive and started calling me horrible names and even went as far as to say 'he hated me so much that when we had sex he closed his eyes cause he couldn't even look at me'

I am heartbroken and I'm hurting in places I never thought possible. It's so hard to accept that the one person you were so close to in this world now hates you and wants nothing else to do with you. What am I meant to do? How can I get over this? I thought he was the absolute one and I never thought this day would come. It's been a week and I've cried myself to sleep every single night. I keep thinking what did I do to deserve this? I don't want to move on and find someone else, he was all I ever wanted and needed we were perfect for each other

I feel so badly betrayed I don't think I'll ever trust another boy in my whole life. The weird thing is that I don't want him back, he's lost me for good and I'll never be the mug who takes him back after leaving me! I just wish I could stop hurting so badly and stop over analysising everything he does on social media, I know I shouldn't look on it because he's doing everything in his power to hurt me but I just can't help myself.

I guess I'm on here to ask how do i move on? Will I always feel like this towards him? Will it get easier?

Because right now I feel like I'm living in hell, I keep getting little reminders and it's heartbreaking to know I can't give him a text and see how he's getting on and what he's been up to. I don't want to feel hurt anymore I want to get back to my happy self and I'm willing to do anything to get there.
Chazbbzx17 Chazbbzx17
22-25, F
1 Response Oct 6, 2015

Dear friend, you are completely on track when you say that sharing your thoughts and feelings will help you. This is so hard. I want to let you know that it is okay to grieve. Trying to push past the tears and get back to normal in a hurry will only mean that the pain might resurface later.
I remember feeling in a similar way to you when my boyfriend suddenly broke up with me 2 years ago: broken, betrayed, confused, lost, out-of-control. It was when I stopped trying to hold on to the past that I realized my story was being rewritten in a way that was new and freeing.
Would you be open to blocking him on social media? I know that sounds really harsh, but it sounds like there are enough reminders in your day-to-day life of him. Be concerned about yourself during this time of healing. You don’t need to be concerned about what is happening in this guy’s life.
Take a deep breath; journal a little. Your thoughts seem to come out clearly in writing. I want to tell you that it’s going to get easier, but wait just a little while. Until soon.