I'll Never Be Perfect
I'm bulimic with anorexic tendencies. I don't purge, but I exercise five or six hours and take 25-30 laxatives everyday. I have a hard time eating, and I'm terrified of eating real "meals". I snack on little things to avoid eating a meal. I'm a perfectionist, but I have yet to make my parents proud. I've been ranked in the top 50 in the state for tennis and I've been a regional and conference champion for the last three years, and I've placed fourth or better in the state for the last two. However, my parents have never tod me "good job" or that they were proud of me. I take all AP classes and I have a 3.86 but it's still not a 4.0. Anyone else have parents like this? It's rough right? I mean, I just want them to be proud of me. My mom has disordered eating, and I began dieting when I was nine years old but things didn't get out of hand until I was 13 when my mom sent me to weight watchers (I was 5 ft. 4 in. and 130 lbs). My parents refuse to believe something is wrong (my dad's never home and my mom believes you can never be too skinny), even though they know I spend all my time at the gym and I take laxatives. My coaches staged an intervention last year when I started having heart problems. I'm now seeing two therapists and a nutritionist but (this is my secret) I don't want to get better and I have no desire to be cautious about my health. I know that sounds bad, but it's hard to pretend to be getting better when you don't want to. Right now, I'm just really confused and lost and I'm hoping to find people that I can relate to and who have gone through similar experiences.