I Am Bulimic
Eating disorders are not generally discussed or attributed to men. But I am one f those silent men that Bulimia had a stranglehold on for numerous years. I consider me myself recovering though I occasionally relapse for a day or two a few times a year. I am okay with that.
The struggle to hide my shame and guilt was an all consuming part of my day. Constantly thinking about food and which foods are easiest to purge. Dry foods aren't so hot.
It never really helped me to control my weight: I could still gain weight, even though I thought I emptied my stomach fully. But my incorrect line of reasoning was that I would have gained even more if I hadn't purged. I don't know. My hands smelled of vomit and I'm sure the people around me could smell it too. How could they not?
Therapy, finding myself, and SSRIs helped. It was only when I realised that I was harming myself did the healing begin.
Today, I know why I binge and purge - I deprive myself of the joys in life. And when I am all alone, I smother my loneliness with food. I am uncontrollable. I free myself from the guilt by "taking control" and purging. The adrenaline rush that ensues, lifts me out of any depression I may have been feelings. Now I know how to deal with feeling alone and down in more constructive, rather than destructive, ways.
Know that you are not alone.
I hope you all find the confidence to seek help and the solace you sek. This is your one and only body; if you wear this one out, there is no such thing as replacement parts.
Love to you all, my friends.
The struggle to hide my shame and guilt was an all consuming part of my day. Constantly thinking about food and which foods are easiest to purge. Dry foods aren't so hot.
It never really helped me to control my weight: I could still gain weight, even though I thought I emptied my stomach fully. But my incorrect line of reasoning was that I would have gained even more if I hadn't purged. I don't know. My hands smelled of vomit and I'm sure the people around me could smell it too. How could they not?
Therapy, finding myself, and SSRIs helped. It was only when I realised that I was harming myself did the healing begin.
Today, I know why I binge and purge - I deprive myself of the joys in life. And when I am all alone, I smother my loneliness with food. I am uncontrollable. I free myself from the guilt by "taking control" and purging. The adrenaline rush that ensues, lifts me out of any depression I may have been feelings. Now I know how to deal with feeling alone and down in more constructive, rather than destructive, ways.
Know that you are not alone.
I hope you all find the confidence to seek help and the solace you sek. This is your one and only body; if you wear this one out, there is no such thing as replacement parts.
Love to you all, my friends.
By:
lifehigh
Age:
36-40
,
Male
