I Hate Everything About Me ....

I am 168 i hate it. it all began when I lost 5 pound i went from 200 to 95 from eating healthy and exercising and then i met up with my old friend and my she had lost wight from 180 to 120 and she looked great and she told me how she just dose not eat maybe a meal in the morning but that was it , so i tried doing that but instead i would just stuff my face , and feel guilty so i stared puking , and then i would eat all i could possibly eat and puke again then went on for a weak now i just wont eat at all and i admire all those ana girls who look fab, i feel fat and ugly i lose a pound a day when i don't eat or when i puke right after. right now im trying to hold down a plate if spaghetti which i will most probably puke, if i keep the food inside i just develop diarrhea and feel guilty, i just hate how horrible this is ........ i never thought this would ever happen to me ... and i just dont want help but i wish i could stop and get back to normal healthy eating
csishawty csishawty
13-15, F
2 Responses Jul 28, 2012

Be happy with your accomplishment in losing weight. You will NEVER be happy if you can't accept yourself for who you are. I am probably a hipocrit for saying it though, and it sounds cliche but it's true.

When I was your age i didn't know what normal healthy eating was. If we ate normal and healthy we wouldn't have a weight problem. I completely messed up my hungry/full mechanism with this disease too. Doesn't mean everything would be fine for us then because I think most of us have other issues like low self esteem. Well I certainly did.