Let's Begin RecoveryThis is a mental disease. I am sorry you are all going through this. I was watching a documentary "What's Eating You?" and I want to cry for these people and cry for myself. I hate that I throw up as I'm sure you do. I know it's wrong I know that it's unhealthy and self-sabotaging. I vow every time after a binge purge to make it my last. But when I get the urge to binge it's like a different person takes over. Someone extremely impulsive who doesn't recognize the future only the now and the urge to binge.
I think there is something to recognizing the point before that happens. The very beginning of the urge to binge. To recognize the feeling analyze it, perhaps understand it better. All I know is that I've been doing this for eight years and I'm ready to stop. People put there efforts to things that they love and they do something with it. Something that makes their future bright. I am ashamed because what I am putting the most effort towards is rotting me from the inside out, straining my relationships and affecting my self image. It's time to stop. Tonight was my last binge. Next time I get a craving I will do the following. Drink a glass of water, write down what I am feeling, do a breathing exercise, and I will share it with all of you. Maybe I can start to recognize a pattern or at least disrupt the pattern I've created. I have no one to talk to about this and I would like a friend that understands. Someone I can journey with.