My Ode to Recovery

Okay. I haven't shared in a very long time and since I joined I see many people have too. I have been very good with no purging yet I feel I can't control my food intake. I now openly admit to myself I think I am fat. I was able to not eat for quite a while. I just broke down recently and it's killing me. I can't stop thinking about food and then I eat more and more and I can't stop it just feels so good. I have been trying really hard to stop all of this. I talked to my doctor and I haven't gone anywhere. All I know is that I have a problem one that I have actually been crazy enough to tell my mother, which means back to the hospital I go. I am stressed and I want to eat food. I want to eat it all. I don't care I just want food. I can't help it. I wish I could eat and never get fat. But I exercise I eat I purge I exercise again and repeat. Unfortunately that is only a part of my problems. The rest is so much I don't want to write or think about them. Thank you for reading. Now I will go and raid the kitchen so I can eat...

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18-21, F
Feb 19, 2009