Worse Without It

I became bulimic in November of my freshmen year in high school. for three months I threw up between 2-8 times a day, whatever went into my mouth had to come out.

Then in January of freshmen year my parents found out and threatened to tell people if i didn't stop. So i decreased the amount of times i threw up until i wasn't throwing up anymore.

Now i'm a junior in high school, and January of this year i started to throw up again. I love the feeling that i can eat whatever i want as much as i want and i can just get ride of it.

well anyway, i have to get a physical for track on wednesday so i haven't thrown up in 6 days!

I've heard some people say that symptoms of eating disorders are depression and what not, but now that i'm not throwing up i feel so depressed. Much more so than i was when i could throw up. I wish i could eat whatever i want and purge. like right now. That would make me so happy.

I hate being depressed. I hate not throwing up.

lakegurl908 lakegurl908
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 8, 2009

Wow - comprehensive2's comment really sucks. What a cruel way to degrade a person who already feels bad about herself. This is a disease that stems from guilt, shame, and not feeling worthy.... so adding more guilt, discust, or critisism feeds the feelings. I hope that you were trying to shame her into recovery - if you don't understand that then just keep your comments to yourself. And no - it isn't about liking to Puke...if she really liked it then she wouldn't think it's a problem!

So, you like to puke. Personally I feel it's a disgusting habit and is to be avoided period. Apparently you feel it's an accomplishment to go from regurgetating 8 times a day down to 6 times a day. How bout no. You recognize that you have an eating disorder and that's a positive. People have survived for years being buli or rexic. Course the rexics die pretty soon so don't go there. Maybe in time you'll care enough about yourself to stop all together.