Bulimia After 10 Years

I have been bulimic for 10 years. In the first 3 years it was very bad, i would binge and purge 2 or 3 times a day. After a few years of seeing multiple therapists I felt much better and finally in the last 4 years my bulimia has improved.

Unfortunately in recent months it seems to be creeping back, and i have now started bingeing and purging once a week. I feel completely out of control in terms of food and how much I eat, I never feel full and I eat in complete anxiety knowing that each meal could turn into a binge.

I am so sick of bulimia being part of my life, I feel like a complete failure that I am now 25 and out of my teens, the problem still hasn't gone. I'm sure that bulimia hinders my romantic life as I feel completely insecure about my body even though I know deep down that i'm not overweight at a size 12. I watch all my friends around me becoming more confident and finding themselves inlove and admired by their partners. I wsh I could have that.

I often have a succession of days when all I think about is binging and what I could binge on, and then finally i'll become so week to the fantasies that I follow through and dedicate a whole day to bulimia. I feel awful afterwards, fat, hideous, and lacking in energy and confidence.

I want to share my story with people that may understand and also seek advice from anyone who may have recovered.

thank you.

AmyBlue25 AmyBlue25
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 22, 2010

I sort of understand what you mean but to a smaller degree. I stopped for almost 3 months but now i have been starting again. So the best i can do is tell you what happened to me that made me stop at least temporarily. I found some pills that my dad had in his briefcase. I told him what I had found and he told me that he has been feeling depressed lately and that I couldnt tell anyone (even my mom and brothers) that he was depressed. I later looked at the pills closer to see what type of drug they were and i saw that they had been prescribed the same week that he found out that i was bulimic. My therapist, family, and friends all say that i am skinny and that i am permanently harming myself but i just dont care. i dont care about the side affects or about myself very much. But i do care about my dad. My bulimia was making my dad consider suicide. So next time you going to the bathroom to do your 'business' dont think about your rotting teeth or you esophagus or the other reasons they tell you to not be bulimic, think about the people that are suffering because of you.<br />
I hope this helps.