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Despite The Inner Storm

It's actually one of my finest features...and I don't have many...I happen to like this about me, and even though most people don't, it has gained me 2 people that I can call friends...

It's curious because most of the time I have a large amount of irrational wrath, raging fear and overwhelming sadness...but I come across as one very calm, quiet and peaceful person...

Maybe it's the way I was raised, mother taught me really well how necessary emotional supression is...maybe it's part of my borderline-autistic personality, I don't know, but I've always managed to stay incredibly calm even in the face of very crushing/stressing/shocking events...

I also don't feel the need to constantly talk, and this is something that most people don't understand about me...I only say what I need to, it's sickening how people try to fill the silence with smal-talk...

Only 2 people in my life have fully grasped this aspect of my personality and with these poeple I've developed a closeness that goes beyond words...we are able to spend hours just staring at clouds, for example, not saying one word, but communicating nonetheless.... 

This rare good moments of my life have been incredibly meaningful...specially considering how unlikable I am to the majority.. 

One of them said to me that the first thing that he liked about me was my calmness...and the fact that I didn't interrupt him when he was telling me his life stories....

The other one said that she was impressed of how deep my thoughts ran in my head, and while I remained in silence, the time I talked to her I transmitted to her a sort of wisdom she didn't know....How freakishly weird is that?

So, many people may get bored with me, or may not like me because of it, but this two features got me the few points that actually build my almost non-existant self-esteem....
deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 14, 2011

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