Role Reversal In Caring For Mother

What a role reversal!  I don't feel at all cut out to be in the role of caring for my own mother.  No one prepares you for this!  I can't bear seeing my mother in such a sad, dependent state.  When I see my mother suffering, I feel so sick to my stomach - literally as I have been having a lot of health problems since taking on this role!  There is really no support out there.  I have looked for it everywhere- books aren't that helpful and there are groups from the hospital and whatnot- but who has time to go?  The worst is being the only daughter and having 2 good for nothing brothers which makes me feel soley responsible for helping my mother.  I feel so angry, frustrated, and let down  that no one else is helping and I won't even go into the incompetencies of the doctors and other medical people!!!!

I have tried so hard to be there for my mother- but she is so fiesty and does not like being dependent on anyone let alone her own child so she makes it really awful!  What a conundrum!! She needs help, but pushes me away! It would take a whole team of psychiatrists to make this actually work functionally!  I keep feeling like I am failing- but there is no way to succeed in having this role in this family!   I feel the best thing I can do at this point is to pray- for my healing, my strength, guidance in how to handle my mother and just overall for my mother.  Sometimes I really wish God could talk to me one-on- one and tell me what I am doing wrong and how to do this right!!!

chiak chiak
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I hear ya... My mother always says, "I love you, but I don't like you. We just don't get along" I believe it is because she feels she MUST have love towards that which she produced, but can choose not to like it. Yes, I said it. She doesn't love me for who I am at all, just for what I am as in her creation. Twisted, I know!!!

I'm in the same exact boat. The bad thing is, my Mom and I never liked one another much. That is just the truth. We loved each other, but, we are such different women, we never understood each other or enjoyed each others company. I left home at 16 because of this. Now, she is mine all mine. I have been a caregiver for pay for my entire life, but, my own Mother is another story. I understand your situation and I wish you all the best. .

You are not doing anything wrong! You are doing the best you can! Your mom wants to be independent as long as she can. She's afraid of what is happening to her. She also doesn't want you to give up your life for her. Brothers are almost always useless at times like these. I have my 85-year-old mom living with me now. She isn't physically sick but can't see well anymore and it upsets and frustrates her. My brother lives in the same town and manages to call every couple weeks, and see her maybe once a month. Meanwhile I take her everywhere and do everything with her and I get exhausted because I work and am trying to live a small life of my own. It is very hard, but know that you are not alone! She's frustrated and you're frustrated and you both need comfort. I'd be glad to listen if you need to vent.