Post

Regarding Love

I don't like talking about my faith. It's one of those things I hold dear, and don't like to be attacked on. But to be completely honest, my faith has been dwindling. I don't like being pushed or forced to go church. That tics me off.

I want the desire to grow within me, I want to to seek to improve my faith on my own, and I HATE when my mom tells me I have to attend certain church gatherings.


But that's beside the point. The other day, I went to a church youth group thing and a couple gave a story about how they met. And it totally changed my life, no really, it did.

And it's hard to describe the impact it had on me, it's hard to describe the extent to which this woman and man share love for one another, but it was powerful just hearing about it. I left church in awe, "did this really happen, did I really just hear this?" And it doesn't get religious to the end, so don't worry those who are atheists etc. It's mainly a story about love.

For this reason, it will be difficult to give there story justice, because something about the way she told it is what made it have such a lasting impression, so i'll just cut to the point.

The woman grew up without a mother. Her mother abandoned her and her young sister at the age of three. They grew up with an alcoholic father who would leave for months on end. At the age of 16 she and her sister were kicked out.

They had no where to go, no one wanted them so these 2 young ladies moved in with there hesitant grandmother (their father's mom). They were treated poorly and not seen as granddaughter's but like slaves.

She met this guy who was a bit tipsy at this party who also also gave her his belt. LOL. They talked back and forth and after a while she eventually left with him (within weeks of meeting him). Now, they have 7 kids.

What shocked me was how much pain this lady was in prior to meeting the love of her life. She was hurting. She contemplated suicide. And she would pray that she could somehow do it. That she could somehow die. She had reached the brink, felt as if she was worthless. She felt unloved, had never received affection and thought this was what her life would culminate to--nothing. Then she meets this guy, runs away with him, and things magically change. They start going to church and there faith grew from there etc.

I think it really home. That's why I felt so uplifted when I heard it. It was as if she was telling my own story. No, I did not grow up without parents, but I grew up with a lot of resentment, a lot of yelling and a lot of pain. I sound like a broken record, but I was a sensitive kid, and they failed to realize that. It's okay now, but I just hurt sometimes. The feelings are the same. I hurt. I feel so ugly, so damn worthless. Often, when people that I don't know look at me, I can't give them eye contact because I am feel insecure in my skin, shameful of being part of existence. I  feel like I am drowning, lost in fears and insecurities.

I will never forget her story because it gave me hope. Naw, I am not even talking about finding love or crapping out 25 kids in the next 2 years, but I don't know, it just made me happy to hear that she is happy.

Okay, this was random and went nowhere, but ummm yeah...
CrazyHippieChick CrazyHippieChick 18-21, F 14 Responses Feb 12, 2011

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Yeah, I am doing both at the moment.<br />
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Thanks again, for taking the time comment.

Are you taking medication and or in counseling? Oh and the meds I'm on gives me more confidence and a higher self-esteem.

I relate. I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, former border anorexic and bulimia, post traumatic stress disorder, recovering substance abuse, lots of trauma as a child, teen and most of my adult life until I met my husband when I made some big changes in my life and came back to the Lord. <br />
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I have overcome all the above with the exception to the occassional bulimia now. The meds I'm on makes it so I am NOT suicidal and NO panick attacks, better judgement when making decisions, less migraines mixed w tension headaches, etc, etc.

Both and an eating disorder on top of that :/

Do you have anxiety and/or depression?

Wow that's inspiring :)<br />
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And :/ I am working on getting better, it just gets tough sometimes.

Take a peek at my prior message. I just added to it because I felt it was indicating that I felt about God negatively and that's the farthest thing from the truth.

Yes.

So the couple that came to speak were telling their story and giving God all the credit, right? I ask this because this is very much true in my marriage. God is the center of our life. My husband reads the Bible everyday and is the kindest man I know in this entire world. He is everything I prayed for and asked the Lord for and FINALLY God brought him to me.<br />
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As a momma myself, I have some concern for you. I'm concerned about your self-esteem and lack of eye contact, which I understand well, having had many challenges myself. I am so happy and just thrilled to say that I have overcome so many of my serious and deep challenges with the power of Christ, medication for anxiety and suicidal depression, and counseling. Oh, and I had to quit partying years ago because it only led me down a destructive path.

Thanks Christyna.<br />
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Yes, it was a youth group meeting at my church.<br />
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Thanks for taking the time to comment, it means a lot.

CrazyHippieChick,<br />
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The story you shared is inspiring. You sound like such a Sweetheart, yourself. I am sorry about the difficulties you've had at home. You mention resentment and yelling in your household and that you are Catholic. Sounds like my family when growing up (yelling and Catholic). Was this youth group meeting that you went to one from your church?

Aww thanks Lady! You are a sweetie (:

Thank you for taking time to comment.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story about your journey, your struggle, and a very moving experience that inspired you. You have a lovely writing style and I am sure that God will answer the desires of your heart for your faith to grow.