Regarding LoveI don't like talking about my faith. It's one of those things I hold dear, and don't like to be attacked on. But to be completely honest, my faith has been dwindling. I don't like being pushed or forced to go church. That tics me off.
I want the desire to grow within me, I want to to seek to improve my faith on my own, and I HATE when my mom tells me I have to attend certain church gatherings.
But that's beside the point. The other day, I went to a church youth group thing and a couple gave a story about how they met. And it totally changed my life, no really, it did.
And it's hard to describe the impact it had on me, it's hard to describe the extent to which this woman and man share love for one another, but it was powerful just hearing about it. I left church in awe, "did this really happen, did I really just hear this?" And it doesn't get religious to the end, so don't worry those who are atheists etc. It's mainly a story about love.
For this reason, it will be difficult to give there story justice, because something about the way she told it is what made it have such a lasting impression, so i'll just cut to the point.
The woman grew up without a mother. Her mother abandoned her and her young sister at the age of three. They grew up with an alcoholic father who would leave for months on end. At the age of 16 she and her sister were kicked out.
They had no where to go, no one wanted them so these 2 young ladies moved in with there hesitant grandmother (their father's mom). They were treated poorly and not seen as granddaughter's but like slaves.
She met this guy who was a bit tipsy at this party who also also gave her his belt. LOL. They talked back and forth and after a while she eventually left with him (within weeks of meeting him). Now, they have 7 kids.
What shocked me was how much pain this lady was in prior to meeting the love of her life. She was hurting. She contemplated suicide. And she would pray that she could somehow do it. That she could somehow die. She had reached the brink, felt as if she was worthless. She felt unloved, had never received affection and thought this was what her life would culminate to--nothing. Then she meets this guy, runs away with him, and things magically change. They start going to church and there faith grew from there etc.
I think it really home. That's why I felt so uplifted when I heard it. It was as if she was telling my own story. No, I did not grow up without parents, but I grew up with a lot of resentment, a lot of yelling and a lot of pain. I sound like a broken record, but I was a sensitive kid, and they failed to realize that. It's okay now, but I just hurt sometimes. The feelings are the same. I hurt. I feel so ugly, so damn worthless. Often, when people that I don't know look at me, I can't give them eye contact because I am feel insecure in my skin, shameful of being part of existence. I feel like I am drowning, lost in fears and insecurities.
I will never forget her story because it gave me hope. Naw, I am not even talking about finding love or crapping out 25 kids in the next 2 years, but I don't know, it just made me happy to hear that she is happy.
Okay, this was random and went nowhere, but ummm yeah...