Why People Hate Religion

I have the classic example of why people hate religion...and it is courtesy of my ex girlfriend:

When I started dating her, I knew she was Catholic. I too am Catholic, and always thought that I'd want to date a Catholic girl. I hadn't up to that point in my life, so I was really excited. And from the go, it was just fantastic. We talked for hours and hours and spent every moment we could together. There was the physical side too. Now this is where my story begins...

At first she was happy to do this, and do that, and said she liked this, she said liked that. I was happy too obviously. We were both getting what we wanted. However, she said that she didn't want people to know what we were doing because she was Catholic and she wasn't supposed to be doing these things. So, there is the first problem. She was happy to do these things, but had to put up a front for everyone else. Anyways, I played along because I thought well as long as we're both on the same page and telling the same story, then it is okay. So in tasteful fashion, people who asked me were only led to believe that we were kissing. Then one day I find out from her that she has spoken to one of her friends on the phone and totally bragged about she has been naked with me :-o I know right!!! What a load of ****. I was like WTF. So I asked her, "How come you say that we can't tell anyone about anything but kissing, yet you tell your friend (who was Catholic too) that we have been naked together?" She tells me that she only meant for certain people to know that we are kissing. I was like, "Well you never told me that." She just said she was sorry and it doesn't matter what people know now. At this same time, she has told me about how she loves having my *** on her ****. Of course I loved that too...I mean damn, what guy doesn't like that. She is all for this stuff and doesn't hold back any when we are together.

A little while later, she tells me that she wants to be chaste. Chaste until she is married. Now not only has she NOT been that with me, but the more and more I find out about her, I realize that she has never ever been that way. She was the type of girl in high school who was with a bunch of guys, never sleeping with them, but everything else. And she has had boyfriends since her "conversion" and she too has not been chaste with them. Just as a quick aside, she had this "conversion" when she was about 18 and got fully back into the Catholic church and went to two different bible schools for two years (we dated when she was 27). And also, since her "conversion" she had been with guys who she didn't date. So she is all for this "no touching" until she is married, yet wants to be physical with me, and has been physical with many other guys.

And so that right there is the basis of why people, including myself at this point in my life, hate religion. Because she has been so guilt tripped and programmed into feeling this way, when clearly it is not at all what she wants or who she is. And let me give you a few more examples, which further illustrate this.

I slept over at her place for the first few months of our relationship, when she lived alone, and she loved it. Then she moved in with a friend of hers, who is Catholic. So, now I'm not allowed to sleep over. She tells me at the time, that it is because she doesn't want the other girl feeling uncomfortable with having me be there when she wakes up. How childish. And bullshit. Because I was friends with this girl too. But she also tells me she is glad that the friend is living with her, because she can "hold her accountable". I was like WTF. You mean you can't be accountable for yourself? You can't decide for yourself what you want? You can't make up your own mind and be accountable to yourself? She was like well I can, but it is just easier this way. **** THAT!!! Because guess what? The friend went away for two days, and oh, who's allowed to sleep over now. ME is correct. So as soon as her CATHOLIC friend isn't looking, it's okay for her to be who she truly is, and have her boyfriend sleep over. As soon as the friend comes back, it's no more sleep overs. Then she tells me a little while after, that she never wants sleep overs because that is wrong and she shouldn't be doing that before she is married. I can't believe I bought all this crap. But here is the kicker.

One time I was over at her place (not staying the night) and she wants to get physical. But I put a stop to it because she has EXPLICITLY told me that she doesn't want to be physical before she is married. And guess what? She loses it on me. She gets so mad and says how can I deny her the joys of being physical. I was like you have got to be kidding me. Seriously. You're mad at me for doing EXACTLY what you want. What a load of ******* bullshit. She doesn't even know herself anymore. She wants it, but as soon as she remembers that her Catholic friends and the Catholic church are watching, then it's hush, hush. Hide it. And that is it too. She kept saying, "I feel guilty every time." Then why do you keep doing it? You know why? Because then she'd just go to confession the next week and think everything was okay and she was "perfect" again. Typical guilt trip of religion. I can't believe I didn't break up with her right there and then.

Anyways, a while later, I asked her what she thinks of oral sex in a marriage. Because the Catholic church says that a mans ***** should only go in a woman's vagina. And holy crap. Do you know what she said? And this really confirms for me that she is the typical poster child for religion, where they have been programmed to give set responses to answers that they are not sure about, or more specifically, that they have forgotten since having been told what to say to these questions. She said, "Let me read the book and get back to you." HAHAHAHA!!! Holy ****. I couldn't ******* believe it. You can't even decide for yourself if it is right or not. You have to read a book. And she didn't even mean the bible. She meant some book written by Pope John Paul II on love and marriage. She had to see what he said about it and then she'd know. Cause he is the be all and end all of marriage. What he says is correct about it all. No chica, you just don't know how to think for yourself anymore because you have been programmed to be exactly what they want you to be. You don't even know yourself anymore. You need to stop living to please everyone else and start doing what you want and what makes you happy. Well I can tell you that the relationship ended shortly after that. I can't believe I put up with the lies that she told for so long.

And that is what it is. She is completely lying about who she is just to please her Catholic friends and the Catholic church. And because she has been programmed into exactly what they, the church, thinks is the perfect human being. She lies because it makes her feel like she has to repent then to the church and then all is forgiven and everything is okay. She doesn't want to take responsibility for her own actions, so she has the church to keep falling back on when she thinks she has done wrong. It makes her feel good to know that she is always just a five minute drive and twenty minute talk to a guy away from being pure again. And the thing is, is I did tell her when we were dating that I was not the most important person in her life, and that it in fact was her girlfriends. She didn't ever deny this. She just said, "I'll look at that and see if that is the case."

Oh well, I'm just glad that I am out of that relationship. I just had to come here and expose her for being such a complete liar, but also, and more importantly, to point out that these people who say they are so religious and such, in fact are sometimes the most non "Catholic teaching" following people of all. They are why people have lost all faith in religion. It is just a guilt trip to control people. Plain and simple. And many, many people have fallen prey to it.
itsallaparadox itsallaparadox
26-30, M
1 Response Dec 8, 2012

I didn't read all of this because it's quite long, but, I actually understand this girl. Even catholics enjoy sex! Once you pop it's very difficult to stop! I know I shouldn't be having sex before marriage, but, doesn't mean that because it's wrong it fails to be enjoyable. We are all sinners, all human. Besides, you're catholic too. So you should take it upon yourself to behave well. I've never been with a catholic boy, and quite frankly it would be a breath of fresh air if my boyfriend said "let's be good".

What does that mean? → "behave well" Are you saying that everyone who is having premarital sex is behaving badly? And the problem was not that she enjoyed it, it was the she was a complete liar about wanting to be chaste...she was just saying that because she's been programmed by the catholic church to say so. She had never lived it out and obviously didn't want to, based on the fact that she got really pissed off at me when I said "let's be good". I just wish these so-called practicing catholics would just live one life or the other. Stop trying to impress this organization. Just be yourself, and if you enjoy sex, do it. And I can't judge you, but I highly doubt you'd be happy if your boyfriend said "let's be good"...you'd want him so badly you wouldn't care at that point, because like you say, catholic or not, sex is awesome. And it doesn't make you less of a person in God's eyes. He just wants everyone to be happy.

I understand you. I believe she did want to behave well, but, if she kept putting herself into occasions of sin, is it any wonder she fell? She is only human, like you.

I'm a practising catholic, but I did have pre-marital sex at a time; I thought it was wrong then, and I think it's wrong now. My situation wasn't the same as yours as I was told "if you don't have sex with me, you mustn't love me" and I was stupid enough to fall for it.

I'm not trying to please an organisation, I believe that's how God wants me to live.

I meant that it would be nice not to be the "goody-two-shoes" in the relationship, I have yet to meet a practising catholic boy. Sex is awesome, but I've grown up a bit and learnt vital lessons and it's not all fantastic.

I do believe that God wants us to be happy, but He knows better than we do, pre-marital sex didn't make me happy.

I believe that we are all judged, but I'm not God, I imagine he will judge us taking into consideration our upbringing and how we lived our lives.

I agree with you that she "fell" because she is human. But I don't buy it about "putting herself into occasions of sin". She put herself there because that is what she wanted. She put herself because being physical feels awesome and she enjoyed it, and realized (in her deep subconscious) that it didn't make her a bad person. She only "felt" like a bad person when her conscious mind kicked in, and her programming, courtesy of the catholic church, said she was being a "bad person" (I should actually tell you now that she in fact has never had sex. We never did. And I respect her for that because she has chosen that because of her religion. But she has done everything else sexually, with numerous guys).

And I still want you to explain what you mean by "I believe she did want to behave well"? What do you mean by "behave well"? Is there a universal truth that defines "well"?

And you say that is how "God wants [you] to live". Do you believe that God wants all humans to live that way?

And what if you hadn't been "tricked" with the "if you don't have sex with me, you mustn't love me" line? What if you had genuinely loved the person, and they genuinely loved you, but you weren't married? Would the pre-marital sex have made you happy then? Would you have (or do you even?) felt guilty?

And it's true. I believe He will judge us according to our upbringing and how we lived our lives. And I think that if we were happy and didn't harm others in any way, shape or form, AND had pre-marital sex, he won't mind or say that we were wrong.

Yes, I do believe God wants all humans to behave that way, but we have free will. So it is my choice to live as I do.

I did genuinely love this boy, but I'm almost certain he didn't love me. Even though I loved him, sleeping with him didn't make me happy, I knew what I was doing was wrong.

In my mind, if someone really loves you, then why not marry you? Why should you give them your body if they don't care enough about you to make you their wife?

And yes, only God can be your judge. I think we have a merciful God, but it is written in the bible that fornication is wrong.

So now the bible is the be all and end all of life???...

And so were you willing to marry this guy? Cause you loved him, so by your definition, you would have. And maybe he did love you...but that is why you date; to see if you can love this person forever. So maybe he decided that he couldn't love you forever and decided it best to leave you. But he probably didn't stop loving you instantly. Love and marriage are mutually exclusive.

And what do you mean "give them your body"? Is it okay to do everything but sex? Where do you draw the line on what you're allowed to do with someone you're dating? Does the bible define that???...

I loved him, but, he didn't make me happy. At the time I did want to marry him because he got me pregnant and I thought it was "for the best". Glad I didn't do that! He wasn't happy when I fell pregnant and treated me like crap from that moment on. Shame for our son. That's one good, practical reason not to have sex before marriage.

The church teaches that you can't do an-y-thing before marriage, except kiss. It makes sense if the bible says no fornication then fornication would include oral sex, or what have you. It's still sharing your body with someone that isn't your spouse.

The bible's God's word, so it's relevant to what I was saying.

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