LOST Alone

i find it difficult, when out with out friends who are experienced in sex, and discuss such intimate aspects of their relationshiops.  I find it hard to speak to them because I believe that you should have no sex before wed. Who feels the same way and do you feel under pressure like I do and how do we cope?

colin12 colin12
31-35, M
8 Responses Aug 24, 2007

Honestly, I had the same problem with my first girlfriend. I started dating her when I was 25 and hadn't been with anyone. On the other hand, she had been with some.

When we first started dating, she told me she had "dated" all these guys. I thought to my self - "Cool, they held hands and walked in the park under the moonlight." Then, I realized that was not the case. She didn't really like "dating"; she like feeling comfortable around them and to do that she would sleep with them when she hardly knew them. All of this information hit me so hard. Also, at times when went out alot of her past would come out, and sometimes she would describe the people she had dated.

I couldn't stand it. It made me feel insecure. I never felt special with her because even though she told me that she truly loved me, I felt like she never took me seriously.

To make a long story short. We are no longer together. My plan is to learn to talk to girls, to be smart and to ask a few out on a date. But I intend to stay true to my values. I don't intend to become a womanizer, but I do believe that to make a good decision you have to gather information. This is when I am happiest with my decisions. I'm really happy with my career because I tried 3 different fields and found one I liked. I intend to do the same with girls.

I choose not to box myself in. I'm not someone looking to "hook up", but I would like to really be sure and also be happy with my decision. Finding a wife requires being somewhat good at talking to girls and knowing what to look for. It requires gaining experience. I don't want to settle for the first girl that comes my way. I was and still somewhat am the guy that likes a girl and the girl likes him back and then just watches some other guy sweep her away.

I hope that this helps. Sometimes it's good to think of things not in black and white. I can understand. I was brought up catholic. I would say allow yourself to feel what you feel and go for it. Live the life that you want. Go for the things that you want.

Relationships require negotation. It's a good idea to start getting experience. When you get into your first relationship, if she has more experience it will be difficult to cope. You're going to end up the guy that lives in the house that she wants, in the city that she wants. You want to be the guy that can his way every now and then.

You've made the right choice and good on you for sticking to it. Just because everyone is doing it (or talking about it!) doesn't make it right. God gave us a precious gift and it is not to be used frivolously or just given to anyone. Stay strong and Our Lord will guide you. Maybe start praying for your future wife if you think you have the married vocation. I wish you well and God bless you!

You are not alone, there is always Jesus at your side, you do not have to feel bad about how you feel, just express the way you feel, if they don't understand and respect your feelings then they are not truly friends <br />
<br />
I did not had sex till after I married, and I think is very important and I tried to teach that to my girls, GOD, created sex to be used the right way, not to use it wildly<br />
<br />
You are choosing the right thing, and remember the right thing is not always the easiest to do, a great way to cope anything is to pray/talk to Jesus and say, please let me know what is right and let me do as you want me to do and be, read your Bible, and before I do read mine, I have recently learn this prayer, Lord, talk to me through your word and allowed me to be who do you want me to, and what do you want me to do<br />
<br />
You are always welcome to talk

I'm 29 and I'm in the same situation as you. My friends always talk about their sex experiences and their lust. But I don't feel any pressure. Not having sex before I marry is a decision I made. I hear them talking about their lust and their numerous conquers with women. There is no honor and no real love in that. LOVE is the key word. As you posted this in the Catholic forum I assume you are one. I cope with it thinking that this is not why God gave us our bodies, just to experience sexual pleasure everytime we can. This is not what God wants from us and I'm sure it is not what I want for me.<br />
If you want to talk about religion and how to live it nowadays feel free to message me, if you want to talk about anything else feel free to do it so. Bye and God bless.

Congratulations on making a great choice, and the best choice for you. My husband and I chose to have sex before we were married but we chose to live apart until our wedding day. We received a lot of negative comments about that decision. It seems these days most people believe in the whole try before you buy thing. But actually the statistics say that people who do live together first have a higher divorce rate. Good Luck with your friends, they might need to talk about their experiences as much as you don't want to hear them. I suggest to just be patient with them, and nod and smile in all the right places.

You are NOT alone! I am married, but I waited and it has enriched my marriage SO much. We are happier than most other couples I know. I agree with the above comments and have another idea to strengthen your resolve. Read or listen to anything you can get your hands on about Theology of the Body (Christopher West does a great job with this). Listen to Catholic radio if you have it on your radio. If not, there are many stations online. Ooh, also, get Dr Janet Smith's "Contraception, Why Not?". You can often get it for a dollar. Feel free to pm me if you need more suggestions and good luck, you're doing a great job!

Stay strong- if you feel that something is correct for you- I commend you're strength to stay true to yourself. That takes a lot of guts and determination. I know that when people are speaking of things that they know another person has never experienced, they either want to feel better than that person or in my case, want the other person to ask questions because they like talking about it. I have a friend who is strongly Baptist and I have caught myself and other friends talking about sexually related things around her...it's honestly because I've never had any siblings or younger sisters or anything to that effect where I could help anyone...I wanted to be able to answer questions for her...be the opportunity never arose. For example, a long-distance old friend is pregnant right now...she probably would like for me to ask her all the details about being pregnant...I didn't think about it until last week, when I wrote her a message online, asking about all those details....

agreed. although you may feel alone when you are with your friends, remember that God is with you and he will give you the strength to uphold your beliefs