Celibate For Now...I used to be in a marriage. It ended 2 and a half years ago just before our 21 anniversary. Since then I have been celibate by choice. No hugging, kissing, holding hands, dating, touching or even flirting with anybody. I wanted time to work on myself. It was only after the divorce that I realized how much I had changed. One morning I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and saw a tired old beaten lady. That scared me really badly. So I started a journal. I cut and colored my hair. I got some new clothes and decorated a room or two.
I needed to find myself. I needed to be reminded of who exactly I am, and what I want from life. Somehow I lost all of these things in the marriage. Don't get me wrong... I know for a fact that my ex also gave up a lot of himself and his dreams. We parted on good terms when the time came. I think we have a better relationship now then before the divorce.
So... I have been feeling the tug to get back in the game. But it has literally been 25 years since I have dated. My knees are knocking together every time I think that I would have to step out into this ****-eyed new world and face dating like I had never seen it before. So I am working on getting enough courage together to take the big step.
Bonnie Tyler intro.... I'm holding out for a hero....
Grieta 41-45, F 10 Responses 4 Jan 10, 2011