Celibate For Now...

I used to be in a marriage. It ended 2 and a half years ago just before our 21 anniversary. Since then I have been celibate by choice. No hugging, kissing, holding hands, dating, touching or even flirting with anybody. I wanted time to work on myself. It was only after the divorce that I realized how much I had changed. One morning I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and saw a tired old beaten lady. That scared me really badly. So I started a journal. I cut and colored my hair. I got some new clothes and decorated a room or two.

I needed to find myself. I needed to be reminded of who exactly I am, and what I want from life. Somehow I lost all of these things in the marriage. Don't get me wrong... I know for a fact that my ex also gave up a lot of himself and his dreams. We parted on good terms when the time came. I think we have a better relationship now then before the divorce.

So... I have been feeling the tug to get back in the game. But it has literally been 25 years since I have dated. My knees are knocking together every time I think that I would have to step out into this ****-eyed new world and face dating like I had never seen it before. So I am working on getting enough courage together to take the big step.

Bonnie Tyler intro.... I'm holding out for a hero....
Grieta Grieta
41-45, F
9 Responses Jan 10, 2011

Oh, For Crying Out Loud sit in the corner and ponificate on your plight and you need to improve the old self ..As if someone is gonna ask : What was your old life like? Tell me all about it, so i can pontificate about mine for you ..and we can commiserate on it for a while. I know this may not be the way to make friends but we are not either.<br />
Listen my advice is to go up to some older or younger gentleman in the Grocers and start a conversation just simple stuff ..you know talk to people ,what ever it takes. Forget the philosophizing..That don't pay the bills. Philosophizing doesn't help much..you think? oh well..my point is: Just go outside your four walls, talk to people and enjoy your life and forget about having a better relationship with a loser who didn't know when he had a good woman. Flip him the bird the next time you see him..his kids can love him for being a loser but you don't have to. Disclaimer: This is not the advice of a professional counselor in post divorce relationship therapy, or interpersonal schizm readjustments. just so members here at EP will not sue anyone over this. extra advice: Stand in front of the mirror and say to yourself ...Not Bad for a lady my age.

@ UGNLT- I am glad you liked it. I have learned so much int he process of my healing... about myself and the world and people around me. I know that the divorce was a blessing on some levels, and a curse on others.<br />
I have made peace with it. I am content within myself.

@WildeOscar- I promise to be careful and anonymous about who he is. I would not want the single ladies here to all jump his bones each time I turn my back. Some of them seem like barracudas. Hehehehe.

@Light55- I agree with you. I too am scared to go out there. Things have changed so much since my last date. Now I have different needs and standards. There are things I won't compromise on. One of those is that I would never change my personality or who I am to get or keep a man. I worked hard to find me, and i am spectacular. Take that, or go.<br />
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hehehehe. This is going to be quite a journey.

@Oddandsingular- I have worked hard to find myself and my place in the big wide world. I look forward to what lies ahead. I still have to meet a guy who will go out with a vintage model in need of a little touch up and a little paint. <br />
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Actually I am standing on the border of something new and exiting. Nice place to be.

What a great story. Some of us really must spend time only with ourselves in order to grow. I have been celibate for many years. If I had continued to be in and out of relationships I am sure I would not know myself as well as I do now. No distractions. I may have taken it a bit too far though because I enjoy my own company and I think I might feel crowded in my bed at this point. Anyway, one thing I really like about your story is that you did not blame anyone. You take responsibility for your part in the relationship. Self awareness and honesty. We are asleep without them. It appears that you have grown tremendously and are a fine person so work hard at giving love another try. The next guy will reap the benefits of your journey, why shouldn;t you?

@wraithorn- I indeed read your story. I understand why people make the choice to be celibate or to stay that way. I would stay celibate until somebody is willing to stand the test of time in a relationship. This will be really hard to accomplish in the world we live in at the moment. Nothing is special anymore... everything is so cheap and easy available. <br />
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Sometimes I get scared thinking about it. However, I am happy where I am. I will be able to live both ways.<br />
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I will write a story about the first date as soon as i meet someone to go out with.

@Silentwindows- I have grown a lot since the divorce. I believe that in order to make a relationship work both people will be expected to make some sacrifices. I have learned now that those sacrifices should never be that which makes you you.

i know how you feel in a way , i have been celibate now for about 9 yrs . i wish you good luck with the dating thing . crickey ! dating at our age ! just imagine . there should be a better word for it when we are no longer teenagers . dating just sounds wrong somehow. <br />
i have decided that the whole relationship thing is not for me anymore . <br />
if you like then read my story on why i am celibate , if you haven't already .<br />
anyway good luck with the dating thing , wow it's gonna be weird . i would be interested to know how the first date goes , just for interest sake . really . :-)