I'm Broken And I Don't Know If I Can Be Fixed

I have a messed-up relationship with sex. My mother had a string of men going in and out of her bedroom, and I was molested by several of them. I became promiscuous at a young age and equated sex with worth. When I was homeless I was a prostitute, and learned how to use my vagina like a commodity, rather than a part of my body. Sometimes it didn't even feel like a part of me. So when I got housing I promised myself that I was done with sex. All it ever did was hurt me and hurt others, so I was finished with it. When I got a boyfriend it was awkward at first, but my boyfriend has been extremely understanding, and doesn't put any pressure on me at all. I don't know when or if I will able to open up to him.
cephaloscotti cephaloscotti
26-30, F
3 Responses May 14, 2012

You have had a lousy time of it. It is painful to know that this happens to people, and I really appreciate your courage in sharing it. I admire the strength you are showing in trying to change your world.

That's really good that you have decided not to have sex and that you realize you have an unhealthy relationship with sex...It's going to be tough to get to a point where you can have a healthy sexual relationship with someone you love. Is that what you want eventually? I wonder what else besides celibacy you can do to create a better relationship with sex. Have you considered counseling? Or maybe journaling? Best of luck to you!!!

If your serious about the relationship then be honest about your past but don't get too attached until your sure about what you want from him or what he wants from you.

He knows about my past. I haven't hidden anything from him.

Good. The best of luck to you.