He Said I Was Broken!

I am so freaking fed up right now. I have been celibate for 8 years. Granted it was never my intention but hey it is what it is and I have no regrets. It has brought peace and clarity to my life where sex was linked to chaos, emotional pain and disappointment. I met a man 3 years ago while visiting family in another state. We exchanged phone numbers and sporadically kept in touch (I haven't physically seen him since) but every blue moon we send each other a "hello" or "thought about you today" text. Nothing romantic or hinting on a relationship just strictly platonic.

Well he moved closer to me (the next state over) and the idea of us becoming closer hagan to be a reality. The tone of our conversations changed. We talked and texted more frequently and we even made plans to visit one another. Which was difficult to coordinate as we both have very busy schedules.

Before we could actually get around to meeting up again I decided to come clean with my celibacy because although we were getting closer I didn't want to lead him into thinking "we were getting closer". Sex before marriage is totally off of my plate right now!

So anyway I tell him and he replies. "OMG that can't be emotionally healthy". I was like "WHAT THE HECK!" is he for real. He followed up saying that "sex is a natural part of life and to deprive yourself is goin against nature". I could not believe my ears. This handsome, fun, intelligent man just dropped a bomb so ridiculous on me that I literally did not know how to respond.

I didn't talk to him for a few days as I was furious. When I did talk to him he further explained his statement by saying. He thought that I was saying that I has not but intimate, close to, or touched anyone in 8 years. (I've cuddled with possible suitors kissed a few but when the celibacy thing came up either they took that as a challenge and became what I refer to as "celibacy troopers" and unsuccessfully proceeded on a quest to become the one to end my "streak" leaving after realizing failure or just came clean and flat out said that they were not interested in a non sexual relationship and left). But knowing that I had been somewhat intimate and not totally devoid of another's touch changed his view of things and he apologized. But that was too little too late! Why should it have mattered intimacy or not how dare he make me feel like I was broken. I'd really began to feel a little some thing for this man. Thank God it was just "a little". I really want to continue talking to him but I know that it's a waste of time and energy because he's just another "trooper". But then I think maybe he's in my life for a reason. I'm not so naive to actually believe that I can change his way of thinking. But maybe just maybe....Ahhh hell tell me what you think!
valadybug valadybug
41-45, F
3 Responses Oct 4, 2012

People are going to have an opinion or a reaction to your revelation. If he had revealed a sex adiction wouldnt you have something to say about it? You've made a choice to abstain from sex until marriage. Instead of cutting off this man for having an opinion evaluate your reaction and check your expectations. If you wished he'd been understanding or hoped he might be the "right" man then your negative/slightly hostile reaction is understandable. You're guarding yourself from pain but this a you issue. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. You have to feel something first before you jump to anger. Sounds to me like you're disapointed with his reaction and you haven't healed from previous "troopers". I'd encourage you pray and heal and God will put the right man before you in due time.

I have to say "OH MY". My dear friend is also celibate and has been for many many years since her divorce, she decided to focus on her children. They are now grown and she is very happy in her decision. I don't think anyone is broken if they consciously make a decision that is best for them, and no one should make you feel that you are.

This man has obviously hurt you terribly, and caused you more pain. Without understanding what you were saying he immediately jumped to a conclusion (a huge pet peev of mine). I personally would want (I used want because sometimes my husband makes me that furious and I can't just walk away from my marriage) to walk away from someone who made me that furious and not look back. This is only an oppinion, you need to do what is best for you and no one else can make that decision for you but we are here to listen. (((HUGS)))

I really like him but like you I just want to walk away. That's what I did in my marriage of 8 years. I just walked away and it turned out to be the best thing for me. Idk I just have to think more in it. Thanks.

You're welcome. I'm here if you need a friend, sometimes once I talk it out the answer becomes a bit more clear.

Try explaining to him why this is important to you and what you are looking for in a relationship and what your boundries are. Also tell him if he plans on being a trooper then he can leave. You may have caught him off guard & it was probably not his intent to hurt you because afterall if he moved closer to get to know you better. Best of luck.

I just want to say "forget it all" and cut him off. But at the same time he did move closer ao something must be there. I have to think about this more. Thanks!