I Am Celibate
I am so freaking fed up right now. I have been celibate for 8 years. Granted it was never my intention but hey it is what it is and I have no regrets. It has brought peace and clarity to my life where sex was linked to chaos, emotional pain and disappointment. I met a man 3 years ago while visiting family in another state. We exchanged phone numbers and sporadically kept in touch (I haven't physically seen him since) but every blue moon we send each other a "hello" or "thought about you today" text. Nothing romantic or hinting on a relationship just strictly platonic.
Well he moved closer to me (the next state over) and the idea of us becoming closer hagan to be a reality. The tone of our conversations changed. We talked and texted more frequently and we even made plans to visit one another. Which was difficult to coordinate as we both have very busy schedules.
Before we could actually get around to meeting up again I decided to come clean with my celibacy because although we were getting closer I didn't want to lead him into thinking "we were getting closer". Sex before marriage is totally off of my plate right now!
So anyway I tell him and he replies. "OMG that can't be emotionally healthy". I was like "WHAT THE HECK!" is he for real. He followed up saying that "sex is a natural part of life and to deprive yourself is goin against nature". I could not believe my ears. This handsome, fun, intelligent man just dropped a bomb so ridiculous on me that I literally did not know how to respond.
I didn't talk to him for a few days as I was furious. When I did talk to him he further explained his statement by saying. He thought that I was saying that I has not but intimate, close to, or touched anyone in 8 years. (I've cuddled with possible suitors kissed a few but when the celibacy thing came up either they took that as a challenge and became what I refer to as "celibacy troopers" and unsuccessfully proceeded on a quest to become the one to end my "streak" leaving after realizing failure or just came clean and flat out said that they were not interested in a non sexual relationship and left). But knowing that I had been somewhat intimate and not totally devoid of another's touch changed his view of things and he apologized. But that was too little too late! Why should it have mattered intimacy or not how dare he make me feel like I was broken. I'd really began to feel a little some thing for this man. Thank God it was just "a little". I really want to continue talking to him but I know that it's a waste of time and energy because he's just another "trooper". But then I think maybe he's in my life for a reason. I'm not so naive to actually believe that I can change his way of thinking. But maybe just maybe....Ahhh hell tell me what you think!
Well he moved closer to me (the next state over) and the idea of us becoming closer hagan to be a reality. The tone of our conversations changed. We talked and texted more frequently and we even made plans to visit one another. Which was difficult to coordinate as we both have very busy schedules.
Before we could actually get around to meeting up again I decided to come clean with my celibacy because although we were getting closer I didn't want to lead him into thinking "we were getting closer". Sex before marriage is totally off of my plate right now!
So anyway I tell him and he replies. "OMG that can't be emotionally healthy". I was like "WHAT THE HECK!" is he for real. He followed up saying that "sex is a natural part of life and to deprive yourself is goin against nature". I could not believe my ears. This handsome, fun, intelligent man just dropped a bomb so ridiculous on me that I literally did not know how to respond.
I didn't talk to him for a few days as I was furious. When I did talk to him he further explained his statement by saying. He thought that I was saying that I has not but intimate, close to, or touched anyone in 8 years. (I've cuddled with possible suitors kissed a few but when the celibacy thing came up either they took that as a challenge and became what I refer to as "celibacy troopers" and unsuccessfully proceeded on a quest to become the one to end my "streak" leaving after realizing failure or just came clean and flat out said that they were not interested in a non sexual relationship and left). But knowing that I had been somewhat intimate and not totally devoid of another's touch changed his view of things and he apologized. But that was too little too late! Why should it have mattered intimacy or not how dare he make me feel like I was broken. I'd really began to feel a little some thing for this man. Thank God it was just "a little". I really want to continue talking to him but I know that it's a waste of time and energy because he's just another "trooper". But then I think maybe he's in my life for a reason. I'm not so naive to actually believe that I can change his way of thinking. But maybe just maybe....Ahhh hell tell me what you think!
By:
valadybug
Age:
41-45
,
Female
6
responses
