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14 Years and Counting

I have been completely celibate for 14 years now (1993).  That means I was celibate for the entire decade of my 20s!  A pretty rare feat, I believe!  I totally disagree with the byline for this group.  I am in no way, shape, or form "frigid"!  I have a VERY elevated sex drive (boy, do I ever) and VERY high levels of testosterone.  I have had plenty of offers and people downright begging me to do the deed.  I would prefer not.  I would rather use this lifetime to clear my karma out, not heap more helpings of entwinement on.  Intimate relations have a high probability of generating karmic entanglement of some kind, and I would rather help free people (and myself) from karmic entanglement through unconditional loving-kindness (which lasts forever) than getting their "rocks off", as it were (which lasts... oh, about 20 minutes).
It means a lot to me to know that men or women don't have to worry about me perceiving them in some sort of "sex object" fashion.  They know they can relax around me and be their self.  If they ran into me as a stranger in a dark alley, they would know they just ran into someone who loves them unconditionally and who would rather offer help and kindness on a soul level than bed them and be on my way.  Of course, this means that I am a total outcast in society and fit in absolutely nowhere.  But them's the breaks.  :)

BTW... am I the only male in this group?  :)   That's ok. 
neptuneboy neptuneboy 31-35, M 12 Responses Aug 12, 2007

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I have no idea how many Americans remain virgins until their 30th birthdays, esp. given that nearly nobody brags about it. Our entire youth culture brands celibacy as evidence of an Epic Fail social life.

"I am in no way, shape, or form "frigid"! I have a VERY elevated sex drive (boy, do I ever) and VERY high levels of testosterone."
I would not be surprised if many virgins are such not because they have low sex drives, but because they fear their high sex drives. That was part of my story.

"I have had plenty of offers and people downright begging me to do the deed."
The snobbish disdain many women showed me made it very easy to remain a virgin.

"I would rather use this lifetime to clear my karma out, not heap more helpings of entwinement on. "
You sound like a sort of Indian mystic!

You are not the only male who can relate to this Experience.

I was a virgin until I was 37. My path was not truly of my choosing. While I was very attracted to women, they were very seldom attracted to me. The only time I was "begged to do the deed" I have described elsewhere in EP. The casual sex of the 1970s and 80s very much struck me as creating reams of unhappiness and all sorts of kharmic problems. Most people I knew who married in their 20s subsequently got divorced.

I never took being a virgin as a reason for me to be innocent of the charge that I objectified women. Women in conversation never made the assumption that I was a virgin. In fact, they seemed to assume that I was just another misbehaving horndog. I often have had to reveal to sarcastic women that I have been intimate lifelong with but one person, the one I am married to.

"If they ran into me as a stranger in a dark alley, they would know they just ran into someone who loves them unconditionally and who would rather offer help and kindness on a soul level than bed them and be on my way."
I have often felt as you describe. But could not get that fact across.

I slowly came to see over the decades that the women in the world around me were poisoned by feminist ideology and by the belief that men like me were obstacles in their careers.

Thank you. I just started reading about celebacy, but this is exactly why, for me. Wonderful to know I'm not alone.

I have been celibate since 1998 due to my husband's illness. It has never had any effect on my love for him. His love for me was far beyond any sexual experience. He died on Valentine's Day last year and I don't expect to ever have sex again in this life time which is fine with me. I DO need to love someone and be loved by someone but I don't equate this with sex. Sex is a physical experience that really does not have anything to do with love. It can be an ex<x>pression of love but is not always that. Most of the time it is only a physical act to relieve tension or lusty desires. I only have about 20 years left to live on this planet and I only hope that I do not have to return here ever again.

You have inspired me sir. I'm 19 and I have never had sex. My bible studies(I'm not a christian, mother and brother were born again, I wasn't) had lead me to the idea of life-long celibacy. You're story inspires me to be the best person i can be in terms of love and kindness. For this I thank you, Jah Bless

I agree with you, Mokayogi, and I am impressed by your knowledge. However, I think there are only few people able to keep at it on the whole universe.<br />
But coming back to the original story, whatever happened with you, neptuneboy?

The ancient art of Tantra was practiced those who had complete self control. Which means they kept their mind on God and Cosmic Union and the sex was merely a vehicle to get them there. These days almost no one is practiced in sexual self control, it's instant gratification or nothing. Once established in Celibacy for 12 years a yogi can then perform any action without binding consequences. Though the Vedas say that perfect celibacy has to be practiced in thought, word, and action for this to come about.

well, some people believe Tantra can provide the stairs to reach Nirvana...:)))

I am interested in becoming celibate long term. I have gone 11 days without sex. I live in Toronto. I'm extremely compulsive both work and play . I have been a recovering alcoholic for close to 14 yrs and have ADHD however don't take pills for it. I find pills distort my thinking I can't feel anything therefore there is no motivation to change or be more in touch with the inner self. The sexual part worries me it gets pretty extreme and I feel extremely calm and focused although depression and stress is sliding in and out. I pray and that helps..

i've been celibate myself for the last seven years, primarily because i realized i needed and desired more of a connection with someone than just a sexual one.

i have made a desicion this wekend to become celebate fror as long as im single.an i plan on staying single.i would like to meet someone an date etc an still be celibate in the relatioship.i hope i find that someone or epole who are like minded.i have ahd a normal sex life in i was married.i have explored ,enjoyed an regretted.im bored of sex.it dosent fufil me an my needs anymore.im glad im not alone,but my friends are making fun of me already.its just how i feel.i now it is best for me.i had ebough sexual experiences an im lucky to say i civered all my fantasies an more.there is no wheer else to go now.i reached my peak.the ride cannot get any more thrilling.i want off the ride now.im tierd,sex is confusing really an makes me feel trapped an unloved really.

wow my hat goes off to you! I know I could not do it- it's hard for me not to do it right now- I can't imagine spending my entire life NOT doing it!!