It used to sound so beautiful but unreal to me, like a fairytale or something. I just didn't believe that the sun would come out tomorrow. Why bet my bottom dollar? It was useless. I have been depressed for so long that I've started to feel like it's my normal state. 
Now it's different, and I really do feel a change. Just by making recovery my goal, my life has picked up a little. Yeah, some days are better than others--but at least I know and accept that I have chronic low grade depression. Winston Churchill called his depression his black dog. I totally see that, Churchill! My black dog is sometimes sweet and cuddly and we walk around together no problem. Other days he bites at me and is an all around bastard---but instead of ignoring him and saying he isn't real, I acknowledge he's there. He's a pain, but he's there, and for better or worse, he's mine. And as long as I take care of him and myself, we'll both be okay. 
For me, acceptance was key. Now I have the key....I just need to work on turning it the lock......
cholulalady cholulalady
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 19, 2011

i like this metaphore of a dog