AnxietyI have known since I can remember that I did not want children. I did not play house, I played school with my dolls. I'm the youngest, so I did not spend time with babies. I babysat because that's what girls did to earn money. I liked the older kids, but truly could not stand the babies. I do not care if other people choose to have children--that's their choice. So, why do people feel the need to push their beliefs onto me? I'm sick of being told I'm selfish. Really? The biggest point people always make with me is "Don't you want to know what you and your husband's children will look like?" Oh, that's a great reason to have kids. Too many people in my family have had kids who shouldn't have. We were not poor, I was raised upper middle class. Nevermind the fact that we would never be able to provide for our kids as well as our parents did. Nevermind that I'm sick and would resent any children. Why is it anyone's business whether I have kids? Why are they so insulted? How insecure are you that you think everyone has to be like you. I truly believe the people that harp on this the most are the ones who have become most unsatisfied since they had kids. My sister-in-laws don't care; they are good, happy mothers. My brothers think I will change my mind. My husband's parents and my parents care and they have or had been trapped in unhealthy marriages because they had kids. To one grandmother, it was no big deal (she had 7 kids), to another it would have been blastphemous. Ever since I was little, I've been told how my mother almost died when pregnant with me. Why would I ever want that?
I don't see my friends who've had kids anymore, apparently no one gets babysittters today. I hate family functions; I'm constantly judged and could never express my viewpoint in my husband's family. We can't even admit we don't go to church. When does my life get to be mine? After everyone is dead? I hate to think that way, but maybe 30 years from now no one will care. I do not judge people with kids. I don't hate all children. I just don't want them.