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Anxiety

I have known since I can remember that I did not want children. I did not play house, I played school with my dolls. I'm the youngest, so I did not spend time with babies. I babysat because that's what girls did to earn money. I liked the older kids, but truly could not stand the babies. I do not care if other people choose to have children--that's their choice. So, why do people feel the need to push their beliefs onto me? I'm sick of being told I'm selfish. Really? The biggest point people always make with me is "Don't you want to know what you and your husband's children will look like?" Oh, that's a great reason to have kids. Too many people in my family have had kids who shouldn't have. We were not poor, I was raised upper middle class. Nevermind the fact that we would never be able to provide for our kids as well as our parents did. Nevermind that I'm sick and would resent any children. Why is it anyone's business whether I have kids? Why are they so insulted? How insecure are you that you think everyone has to be like you. I truly believe the people that harp on this the most are the ones who have become most unsatisfied since they had kids. My sister-in-laws don't care; they are good, happy mothers. My brothers think I will change my mind. My husband's parents and my parents care and they have or had been trapped in unhealthy marriages because they had kids. To one grandmother, it was no big deal (she had 7 kids), to another it would have been blastphemous. Ever since I was little, I've been told how my mother almost died when pregnant with me. Why would I ever want that?
I don't see my friends who've had kids anymore, apparently no one gets babysittters today. I hate family functions; I'm constantly judged and could never express my viewpoint in my husband's family. We can't even admit we don't go to church. When does my life get to be mine? After everyone is dead? I hate to think that way, but maybe 30 years from now no one will care. I do not judge people with kids. I don't hate all children. I just don't want them.
mosherkm mosherkm 31-35 3 Responses Jul 12, 2010

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You are not alone sister! I share the same exact thoughts (oh, and one grandma had 6 kids- my other grandma 9 lol)…and it seems everyone in my family (and husbands) expects that people get married and have kids. I feel I have to keep my feelings about not wanting to have a kid a secret from some family members. I hate that I can't be honest either. Its like, why can't they just accept a choice that happens to differ from their own? Everyone is different. Plus, I grew up in such a dysfunctional family home where I felt like the mom to my own parents that I just am worn out! I want to enjoy my happy marriage, and success.

I dislike the way society assumes all women are born with an inherent maternal instinct. It's just not the case, and congrats to you for expressing it so succinctly!

You sound like my friend, she never liked kids, she still doesn't. She prefers animals than kids. I suppose that you are being misjudged because women are commonly known throughout society as the "Maternal beings". The caring/giving/nurturing. However, I feel that women role within society are changing so much so that women feel a career to be more important than family. Can't blame them, so many years of schooling, and education... no one can take away your degree / handwork, but no one grantees a happy/sane marriage. So kudos for your choice, if you're happy and you're making yourself happy then thats all that should matter.