No Desire For Children Whatsoever

I'm sure other people who are like me have gotten this - a lot of times when you express disdain for having children of your own, the response is complete confusion or repulsion. They either just cannot figure out how in the world you could possibly not want a child of your own and insist that eventually your biological clock will have its way with you, or they assume you must be some horrible monster who hates children and laughs at the suffering of starving and slave labored children. One man even told me my bf and I were selfish for not wanting children - what?

I would just like to set ii straight , at least for myself - no I do not hate children. I may not be as fond of *your* children as you want me to be, but I wish them no harm. I acknowledge that children bring fulfillment to many people's lives and that children have a multitude of wonderful qualities such as cuteness (most of the time), funny naive Kodak moments, unbridled honesty and emotions, and they normally come equipped with a source of unconditional love for their parent(s).

However, I also acknowledge that children also come with a multitude of responsibilities, none of which I would like to take on. I praise good parents because I just don't have the patience to raise and mold a child who goes through stages of whining, temper tantrums, neediness, and extreme vulnerability. Parenting is a 24/7 stressful job and I don't want it. Parenting is also an incredibly expensive job, which I don't want. The negatives outweigh the positives, for me. I will have felt no loss or emptiness at having "failed" to continue my family's genes into the next generation.

And do NOT tell me how I feel. Just because YOU see having children as ultimate joy and fulfillment, does not mean that everyone else does and it does not mean that people like me are simply misguided. Heaven forbid that humans be complex and varied with individual goals, preferences, and predispositions.

Lastly, just because I feel this way does not mean that if I were to ever become a parent, that I would be neglectful. I cannot say whether or not I would keep the child as I've never been in that position, but if I chose to keep the child, I would be the best parent I could be. Just because I do not want to have children, does not mean that if i do have children, i will not love them. That's all.
SpilledSecrets SpilledSecrets
26-30, F
9 Responses Jan 27, 2011

I completely agree with your post. These are exactly my thoughts. People find it difficult to understand why someone wouldn't want kids. They either treat you with pity or try to explain what great joys you are missing by not being a parent.

I am selfish, but my realisation that I do not want children came about during the Cuba crises, yes long time ago but there is no way I have ever regretted it

Why do people say you're selfish if you don't want kids? So many people say that.

Bringing a child into the world is selfish.

Completely agree with everything you've said. Good for you in knowing what you ant and standing up for it!

I agree with you post, and feel the same way. It's like people judge you so wrong when you say you don't have a desire to have kids. I actually would like to work with kids, because they can be really fun and I would enjoy teaching them...but honestly, just don't want to have kids of my own.

Amen to that. I'm another woman who doesn't want the responsibility of raising a child. I just don't have the patience for it at all. Good for you for sticking by your beliefs.

Most women that have children spend more time and effort living vicariously through them. Having kids fills some deep needs (mostly materialistic and self-gratifying) that went unfilled when they were children. Now they are raising selfish, impatient, praise-junkies!

Yes. Very well said. It's your choice and YOUR choice only.

Well I'm sorry to have to say this but in my opinion you are indeed selfish. I have met many women in my lifetime who take the same view of yourselves. If you think about it rationally, if it weren't for our parents, we wouldn't exist. We come into this world blind, deaf and dumb, and unlike animals, completely vulnerable. If it weren't for the selfless unconditional love of our mothers, we wouldn't last very long in this world. It is only through her selfless devotion that we are saved from harm, nurtured, fed, clothed, taught how to walk, how to talk, given affection, watched over and protected. So our parents gave us life, and this surely is the greatest gift of all. We owe everything to our mother. Had she wanted to she could have had an abortion. How kind of her to allow us to stay in her womb! Your view is selfish and short-sighted. Had you considered all of the above points, you would develop gratitude for your own life and life in general. Your ability to bring life into this world is truly awesome, but in order to see it that way you have to get rid of your self-consumed attitude and step out of your own universe.

Leave him/her alone.What u wrote doesn't make sense.SO WHAT if my parents have me.That doesn't mean I should have them.There a enuogh people here on earth where not eveyone has to reproudce.You need to get rid of your I don't care if post it late