Jaw Dropper

I actually had a family doctor (a man) who told me that until I have a child, I am not truly and fully a woman.

I changed doctors.

And this was only 12 years ago. 

I wanted my tubes tied when I was 34 years old because I knew I didn't want children.  I had a boyfriend at the time who already had a daughter from a previous marriage.

The hospital I was dealing with wouldn't do the operation until I was past childbearing years.  I insisited and they asked me to fill out a lengthy questionnaire that would deem me fit to make such a choice.

We have a long way to go.  Just because you are a woman, doesn't mean you have to have children!!!!

thinkingoutloud thinkingoutloud
51-55, F
14 Responses Mar 24, 2008

I requested a tubal ligation at 28 with my doctor. She refused. My gyno refused too. Shortly after that my husband left - thankfully no kids! My next boyfriend has tried to force me to get pregnant. If I do, I think I'll call up my doctor and gyno back home and give them an earful.... As for the boyfriend, I'm working on getting rid of him. I already moved into my own bedroom. He talked me into a bad situation and like a fool, I went. (Luckily I have super bad LPD and can't keep a pregnancy more than a few days.)<br />
<br />
I wish people would take us seriously when we say we don't want to have kids. If I make a decision I regret I will have to deal with it! And please, I'm 30. I know myself by now.

You can always come to Canada!

I agree i am only 18 and the thought has passed my mind but i havent come up with a single thing it will add to my life but a zillion it would take away , and i also agree that if i evcer did change my mind (which i doubt ) i would want to adopt because i grew up in a foster home and there are so many kids that are 5 15 16 that don't have parents and peple dnt want them noo , they want the infants and thats great but after 18 u are kicked out on the strets to fend for yourself !

I guess I can understand the hospitals point of view..but the doc is a complete quack! how dare he say something so stupid...my guess is that he was pretty old!

Man that doctor would get a few punches from infertile women eh?<br />
<br />
Children are a footnote to life as far as I'm concerned. It's not the reason for living; why buy into the crap that is biological nature anyway? Humans, or so I thought, have evolved past a biological need to mate and procreate. They only do it if they WANT to. Otherwise they're just being sheep.

There are too many unwanted children out there, it's so sadly true. It seems to be so important to some people to have 'biological' children - repeated attempts through in vitro fertilization and other methods....such a panic...it would be nice to hear the WHY's from people like this, as to WHY it's essential that your child come from you. <br />
<br />
But maybe I am able to be more detached and observant because I have no children, but therefore be more cynical towards people who do. There are way too many societal and systemic forces surrounding childbirth, such as religious beliefs controlling whether or not to use birth control, religious and government restrictions on abortion, the economics of raising children leading to adoption and foster care....there are still whole nations who continue to breed children for the sake of survival of their family - they have many in the hopes that a few will live. There are also nations who have many children to have only sons - and the daughters are unwanted and orphaned. Geez, isn't it women who give birth? We have such a long way to go when it comes to common sense!<br />
<br />
When all is said and done, having children is a natural human and animal function that is the result of having sex. Who am I to judge others? :)

I am currently 39, and I never wanted children - I still don't want them. Nearly everyone around my hubby and me kept telling us we would change our minds about this, and this August we will be married 15 years. It's not that I don't like kids when they are around - I just don't want them for me. I don't see the point really as I am missing nothing in my life, first of all. Secondly, if I did want a child, I would adopt one of the thousands of children who need a home.<br />
<br />
It sickens me the number of parents who have children, only to have them taken away because they are drug adicts or they abuse them - it is absolutely beyond my thought process as to why they were so irresponsible to bring them into the world in the first place - these children did not ask for this, and now they will be screwed up for a long time, if not for the rest of their lives. (sorry, I currently work for a Guardian Ad Litem attorney and see so much of this everyday, it is disgusting and sad.)

I know how you're feeling runnagirrl...people are shocked, at least they don't know what else to say when they find out you don't want the same things they do. Like it's normal to want them, therefore abnormal to NOT want them.

that's outrageous, i can't believe anyone would ever say that! i'm only 20, but the idea of having kids has never appealed to me. i've gotten some pretty shocked reactions though, even from people my own age, when i say i don't want kids. it's a personal choice, and there is nothing wrong with being a childless WOMAN!!

my backyard is all wildflowers. I do have roses by the house. The rabbits ate all my bushes this winter. I still like rabbits. Do you know how to landscape with rocks and lavender?

LOL you know, you could really get me going eh? I used to be such an angry person. I was a very naive and sheltered teenager, and then wrapped up in my own little love life in my 20's, and in my 30's....I started finding out all the ****** despicable things that were going on in the world....everything from religious conspiracies and government (Big Brother's watching) to things that were just unkind and manipulative on an individual basis. <br />
I have been used and abused in subtle ways (which are often the most difficult to come to terms with) and in obvious ways and I raged against the world......it doesn't do anything but stress me out! Nothing changes! No one can do anything without the backing of equal support.<br />
<br />
One day, when we have another Hitler on our hands....I want everyone to gang up on him and kill HIM! Why couldn't that have happened? We give our power to others in the form of submission. If you don't agree then you keep your power by staying true to yourself, and they have one less person to boss around.<br />
<br />
I'm off topic....I'm actually thinking about your plantings.......pffffft!

andnowthis...you have hit the nail right on the head....you have obviously been very affected by this topic! No offense taken, I apologize for misunderstanding what you meant now that you've expanded on it. There are too many children who need adopting, and anyone - male or female, single or in partnership, same sex or hetero - is capable of loving and caring for them. There are also women who don't deserve to bear children, but that would be judgmental of me to say that.....

yes, Celainn...it's not only other people (this doctor for example) who value women for their child-bearing capacity. It's conditioned into us too! We ARE valuable as female whether we have children or not, and whatever age we are!<br />
<br />
How crushed an infertile woman feels when she discovers that she cannot have children. Is she crushed because she wanted them so badly? I'm sure she does. But some women are crushed because they feel 'less of a woman'. Just like a man might feel if he's "shooting blanks". There is a social element to our virility. How macho a man feels when he 'knocks up' his woman.....etc etc. <br />
<br />
I believe women are also susceptible to these stereotypes.

andnowthis......I don't think Celainn meant anything bad by saying what she said. Her comment was directed toward my story, not your comment.