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I Have Chosen Myself Over Children

I have always known I didn't want kids. I like many CBC adults was never interested in babysitting or part-time jobs where child care was involved. Growing up I had some baby dolls but they would sit on shelves while Barbie and I went on adventures. Awesome house made from scratch for Barbie, sure. Barbie getting a fleet of cars to drive her friends around in, why not?! Barbie was the symbol of all I wanted to do with my life - have any career I wanted, wear anything I wanted, simply BE anything I wanted. This has held true well into my adulthood. Someone who has goals outside of their relationships both current and future for themselves should really consider whether having children is right for them.

Since my 20's I have had many critics of my choice, mainly casual aquaintances and business associates. Women tell me I am selfish and just get pregnant already as my life is empty. Men mostly tell me I will die alone. No one will visit me in the nursing home. I have accepted that this may be my fate.

It has cost me friendships and romantic relationships. My first love refused to attend my college art exhibitions because my attending university was distracting to my future as his wife and mother to his children. It is not surprising that although I loved him I refused his marriage proposal. I told him he needed to marry someone that shared his wants and values. Sadly he is married with kids and from what I hear he loves his kids and is an amazing Dad but is unhappy with his wife. He stays in this relationship to give the children a solid home life. Noble but being trapped is my idea of a personal hell.

I sit here at 35 and at work and in my social life I am constantly surrounded by pregnant women. Nothing about this appeals to me. The pregnancy, the prospect of birth, the idea of giving up your whole life for one person who may never love you the way you hope. I am lucky to have a husband that loves me and respects my decision. He is my best friend and I certainly hope we grow old together doing things that interest us and not having to worry about how it effects others who may depend on us.

I feel fortunate in my life and career. Thus far I experience only being content and have no regrets whatsoever. Society needs to accept CBC's as an enlightened and impowered group. We look at ourselves through honest eyes and have learned that by not having children to make others happy we have found the true path to personal happiness.
An Ep User An EP User Feb 7, 2013

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