Born Without Ovaries - Ivf And Donor Egg My Only Option.....

When I was around 17, and hadn’t started puberty my parents & doctor decided to investigate - after many months of numerous blood tests (so many I got used to the light-headed feeling), they decided that I had a slight form of Turners syndrome (more on this in a bit), which means that right at the moment of conception, one of my x chromosomes got damaged, and the piece that was lost was the bit that should’ve told my body to grow ovaries - I was born without, and although my tubes and uterus/womb are 100% normal, I would have to be on HRT for the rest of my life and would need a donor egg and IVF to have a child. At the age of 17, this was still devastating, as I had always just thought I would automatically be a mom one day.  Over the years I did further research and in general the medical profession have been good to me, but this is something I have always had to deal with in my own way.  As I moved past my mid 20's, time seemed to be running out, but I hadn’t met the right man, nor did I have the money for IVF, so I coped with it day to day.

Fast forward to my mid 30's - I have now met the man I want to have kids with, and who will be such a good father, and whose clock is ticking as much as mine is.  We don’t have the money, but could get it.  Living in our area of London, we are on the waiting list and will be able to get 1 cycle of IVF for free on the NHS.  Unfortunately the wait for a donor egg could be forever unless we find someone - which would mean friends or family, or advertising....which in reality is probably not going to happen.  We are both from South Africa - have both been in the UK for 10 and 11 years, together for just over 2 years - so have investigated our options there, so will need at least £5k per cycle - so as you can understand the financial commitment is quite a bit.

We have some wonderful friends who want to help, but she is over the age limit (and had premature twin girls, so wouldn’t put her through any risk).  Most of our friends have kids, as we're at that age group, and most have varying knowledge of my situation - we enjoy time with them and their children.  Some days are more difficult emotionally, and I decide whether I can handle it or not. Some I don’t go to, some I go, and then deal with the emotional fallout afterwards.

What is Turners syndrome - well as I mentioned its where there are no ovaries at all, or some streaks of tissues (in my case), so there is no natural hormones, so HRT is needed permanently.  There are other health issues normally, some heart problems, some ear and eye issues, but sometimes there are also physical characteristics which I am lucky enough not to have - Turner syndrome girls are usually shorter than 5ft, and some have webbing between fingers and toes, and some webbing between neck and shoulders.  So as I said in my case I have been extremely lucky.

Each day is a struggle - I joined EP in the hopes of meeting others like me, kind of like an online support community as the infertility is really starting to affect me - not sure if it’s because I’m turning 36 this year, and don’t feel like I’m any closer to at least starting my IVF journey let alone getting to achieve my dream.  I hope that in turn I can help someone else to understand.
sascorpio sascorpio
41-45, F
5 Responses Aug 7, 2010

I was looking thru the internet for cheap IVF with donor egg when I came across this. I want to thank you for posting this (yes I know it sounds odd). I have Primary POF, basically I have never had a period on my own. My only choice adoption or IVF with donor egg. I know exactly how you feel. The funny thing is adoption is more expensice than IVF with donor. Insurance don't cover infertility and $30,000 is not easy to come up with (almost impossible). Im 34, have been married 7 years, went to college, own my home, but, will never have a chance to be a mom. People just don't understand its not like a morgage you cant pay it off in 15 or 30 years. I think our age really hurts. All my friends have kids and some even have grand kids. I am friends with them but, I kinda don't fit into the mommy circle with them. It reall hurts when you feel like your the only one. There are more like you out there and I dont know if it will ever get better. Keep your head up and I hope you find a way.

at the end of my post i meant I would rather spend my life with her without a baby, than not with her at all,,

Hi, my wife and I just found out she has POF. She has been through multiple surgeries because of endometriosis and is now 37 yrs old. We were finally able to come up with enough money to do IVF about a year ago. We live in the USA in Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is a state in which there are no insurance plans that offer IVF coverage, although most states around us do. Anyway, we were able to get a loan that would allow us to do IVF but my wife had to go thru another laproscopic surgery for the endometriosis and also have a bowel resection because the endometriosis damaged here bowels so bad she could bare have a bowel movement and was always in extreme pain. So as soon as we were able to after surgery we started to get ready for the IVF, only to find out that she now has POF. The choices we are left wtih now are adoption or IVF with donor egg. ($28,000). I can come up with the money for the IVF with donor egg, although it will make our financial situation in the future difficult but livable. The main issue now is that my wife feels the she will not feel like the real mom because it will not be her genetics that the baby recieves. I completely understand, and I stand behind her no matter what she decides. I am just worried that if we dont do IVF with Donor egg and she decides later that she wished she did how it will affect her. So I guess I am just wondering if there is any place to get info on how mom's relate physologically to a baby after using a donor egg. I am not trying to convince her to do IVF with donor egg, but I want her to know as much as possible before making final decision so she can be as sure as possible about her decision and not second guess herself later. On my end, I understand her feelings. It does kill me to think of never having a child, but kills me more to have a wife that is unhappy. I will be there for her not matter what, baby or no baby. I would rather spend my life with her without a baby but not with her at all.

Tiffim19, thank you for the comment - am so sad to hear your struggle. Am away at the moment so diffuclt to get enough time online, but please send me an email about your story, and I'll see what advice (if any) I can give, failing advice or help, am sure that support would help. x

I was born without a uterus but still have Ovaries, being unable to carry a child has been devistating to me. I have known since I was 16 so have had some time to adjust but it still bothers me. Anytime someone finds out they always say you are so lucky you dont have a period and I know they dont understand so I never get mad but I just wanna be like, do you have any idea what I would give to have a period so I could have a baby? Its hard and in my situation I could use a surragate, but asking someone is a big deal and I could never afford to pay someone. Reading your post just gave me an idea though, I was thinking someone in your position would understand and since you have what I need ( a uterus) and I have what you need (an egg) if there was a support group that people like us all knew about where we could meet people who are willing to help eachother. I would love to give the gift of a child to a family who cant have one otherwise through donating an egg, and then maybe I could find someone willing to be a surragate for me as well. I just know If I could carry a child I would love to be a surragate for someone. Maybe someday something like that will exsist.