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Mother , Loving Name, I Will Never Know.

Since , I was a little girl , I so wanted to be a mother. As I got a bit older, I found I wanted to be a wife as well. But I was too shy to talk to anyone unless they spoke to me first. Time didn't make this better, but instead it got worse. I found since my adoptive mother passed away one of my problems wasn't just shyness but actually social phobia. With this comes the lack of friendship and all hopes of becoming a wife and mother. As I get older the harder it is to want to live and be part of this world. I just want to go home, to the one place I know I am loved. I don't have an extended family. I only have my father. He is in his 70s, so I will be losing him with in the next 30yrs. I know what my future holds. Sadly, me left in the world alone.

Due to my problems I am on SSI , so adoption is out of the question. So once again I must question my existence of being in this world. I don't know how many times I have cried over all of this and more.
TWIB4000 TWIB4000 31-35, F 3 Responses Mar 22, 2012

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don't give up; i'm sure you find someone. I know people who met online, and are happily married.find a support site for people with shyness and social phobia. I find it easier to interact with people online than offline, because I type what I want to say. I'm sure you'll find lots of people like on ep.I was extremely shy when I was in school;it diminished a little bit.

Thank you for your very kind comment. I am happy to have read that you have gotten over your shyness enough to find someone special and now have a child. I wish you many years of love, happiness and great health for yall. <br />
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Anyways, I do know bout some website that you can get ***** and stuff to create life on my own , though I could afford that at least from one site, as one of them seems to follow me everywhere on the internet now, I am not keen on that idea. I just can't put trust on something like that. With so many people that flats out lie , I wouldn't feel those were real deals , like I would if I was at some doctors office. But I do thank you for this advice. <br />
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As far as dating sites, I have tried and so far failed at that . I have such a hard time even doing that. But at the same time, I seem to make most of my net friends when I do game. That somehow is a bit easier for me. But since I only play free games finding anyone of any value seems to be low. <br />
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More friends the merrier! Eh? :D

Hi. I understand how you feel. I am tremendously shy. I had to really push myself all my life to break out of the shyness. I wanted to get married, to find one person who loved me and was loyal to me, and to have children, all my life. But talking to the opposite sex - forget it! I was mortified to talk to anyone, and to talk about dating or anything like that.<br />
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What I did, over time, was surround myself with fellow shy people. I went to nerdy type events and cultivated friendships via local internet groups related to my interests and stuff. But still I wasn't very adept socially.<br />
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Eventually I did start to date, and finally got married in my late 30s. I finally just had my first child too. However, it seems that your problems are more severe (having social phobia and all) and as hard as I had it, your problems are different. I think you sound like a sweet person and you deserve all the things you want. Wanting a husband or at least a baby are not far-fetched requests. And you should not be alone. I for one would like to be your friend, at least via email if you want. <br />
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Here is a start. If you are in your early 30s, and it says you are, you do have time to have a child. Even if you're on SSI, there are ways to get ***** donors cheaply. Look around the web and you will find that some lesbian couples order from a ***** bank and inseminate themselves. It may require saving a little money (a few hundred bucks) but not a ton. And you can always share your story on craigslist or something like that and beg for money for a kid. Where there's a will there's a way!<br />
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Also, via internet dating, you can put up a profile of yourslef and say how shy you are and that you need someone to go slow. I have met men who had social phobia too. It's ok.<br />
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I had a lot of roadblocks to having kids, even some I haven't mentioned. Trust me on that. I made a list of ways to have at least one, researched it, set out goals over many years (including finding ways to get and save money), and had a plan. It's not easy, but you deserve at least 1 kid. At your age you still have enough time to work on a plan over 2-3 years or more depending on how old you actually are. Please let me know what you think!!