Sigghhh....childless Not By Choice...medical Reasons

Hi everyone, 
I too am childless not by choice. At age 44 I am now so raw and tender about this issue again suddenly. Thought I had put it to rest few years ago but recently a good friend of mine, who had also was 'childless' suddenly is prego and it all came flooding back. I am technically able to get pregnant but if I ever did end up pregnant it would kill me physically. I had a surprise open heart surgery in my late 20's when I did end up pregnant and barely survived. but the baby did not. It was horrible and I was judged all over the place because technically the doctors had to remove the baby (it was already deceased but we did not know that but it was assumed due to the surgery and massive amounts of medications that I had been placed on because of the open heart surgery). It was an awful time of my life and I struggled with all sorts of issues surrounding the heart surgery and surviving despite all the odds etc. My husband, who is an amazing man, went out and got a vasectomy and not trusting that alone we also use other protection to avoid at all costs to get pregnant. But at the age of 44 I am struggling again. I hate mother's day, it is just a reminder of how I have failed. I hate Christmas mostly because of society's emphasis on children during that season. Is there any words of wisdom or suggestions on how to get through days like these??? or do we just all have to hide out for the day or just grin and bear it?? 
Is there other groups that are good groups to be involved in? open to all ideas
Kim
kbbarclay kbbarclay
41-45
2 Responses May 10, 2012

I know a boy who wants parents love. If you don't mind I will inform him.

You are a good person and could not help what happened. I hope you find others in similar situations. You have a lot of love to give. At 44 there are still some adoption agencies that would let you adopt; might this be an option? If not, I know there are many on these boards who are like you, so I hope you can commisserate. There are also on-line groups for those who had to terminate for medical reasons. Even though this was not exactly your experience, you might find comfort there. Babycenter is one place that has such groups.