Not A Mother On Mother's Day

Sometimes I feel like the only women over 30
who is not a mother on Mother's day.
About 10 yrs ago in church a mother asked for some advice
for a behavior problem she was having and I gave an answer,
She said "I meant for a parent to answer, you do not have the experience"
I had been a child at one time so I though I had some experience
maybe not the perspective she wanted but I did not say anything else to her
and the parent who replied gave the same answer I had given.
I realized then that there was a clear line between those with children
and those without
and I was not allowed in the mom group.
Even so...
I've never felt bitter or left out.

I've had a baby on my hip since I was 14 and I have rocked,burped
and loved on so many babies that I can't count them!
My sisters shared their babies with me
and now those babies share their babies with me.

I have never nursed a baby but I have kept newborns
who would not sleep so nursing mother's could rest.
When a mother gives you her newborn baby to keep overnight
you know you are trusted.

I have never felt the pain of labor or the joy of birth
but I have witnessed the birth of nieces and nephews
and saw them make their entrance into the world
and I have watched them grow from that day on.

I see that I have a job
and it has been to enhance the lives of the children in my life ,
so many wonderful mother's have shared their babies with me
to them and I am grateful for that privilege.

gottaloveclassicmovies gottaloveclassicmovies
46-50, F
5 Responses May 13, 2012

Lots can make a baby but it does not mean they are good child carers x stick to your guns xxx

Oh maaaaaan, I so relate, thank you for this! I am the oldest of my generation of 6 siblings and 40 cousins. I have helped raise many children, even as a child myself. Although I have no experience at pregnancy or birth, I have more experience at parenting than most of my Mum friends! Being dismissive of my (informed, non-judgemental) opinions hurts more because they are not just dismissing the opinions, they are dismissing *me*. As if I am a pointless person with nothing to offer a new generation. We are no less valuable or loving people.

Your story sounds exactly like mine...I've been raising siblings, nieces, nephews & cousins since I was 9 years old. Married for 18 years to a husband that airily claimed he wanted kids, but was very busy hunting & fishing - and I kept figuring "We'll have time later...when he settles down & supports my decision to be a stay at home Mom, then we'll start..." It was terrible miscommunication on both our parts. But the tragedy came when he spent last 2 years of the marriage working nights, getting quieter and myself overwhelmed with work & other family strife...he told me a week before Xmas that he was in love with his co-worker...2 months later I moved out of our home & he then announced she was pregnant & that he was thrilled although sad to hurt my feelings. To feel that the chance was "stolen" from me is extremely painful...to hear other friends & family say, "Well, if you had really wanted a child before, you would have simply done it!" It's as simple as that - but sometimes more complex. I got mixed messages from someone who never realized caring for babies & children is VERY involved...they are not dolls you dress up to take out hunting & fishing with you who obey your every whim. I try to soothe the pain by remembering there are other children in my life who benefit from my care & advice. It's not easy on some days!

You poor poor thing how awful

Thank you!

giving actual birth does not equate being a mother or a parent. Being supportive, loving and caring does~ it takes even more love to care for others children as your own~ Happy Mothers Day!