I Dont Like It When...

My family and friends think say that i just need to give it time. they didnt struggle, they dont know what its like at every party, every holiday, every birthday... I see them and how happy they are caring for their kids, i feel like i will never have that. I cry when i find out yet someone else i know is having a baby... I am happy for them but i cant help but be sad for my husband and i. we have looked into almost everything. sadly we dont have the money for the expensive treatments right now... and the one place that i would love to adopt from has this one rule... must be 25. I know i was born to be a mother. I  know im young, but my husband and i are a very solid couple. We dont drink, smoke, gamble or go clubing or anything. We work, come home. date... we have a great time together but know it could be that much better... I now that i am young... but my heart and my mind are so much older, i dont care for the 20's scene, i want to be home, cuddling, caring for a baby... not out partying... i want to be a mom, drive a family car, clean up after 3 or 4 kids :) i dont know what God has planned for me, but it sure is hard trying to figure it out...

Karileal21 Karileal21
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 22, 2010

I agree with Everynight and tiredcouple. It is so hard not to put all of your energy into thinking that you won't have a baby. I know it consumes most of my every day. I also know that if I don't take care of my relationship with my husband I will lose that too. It is hard though because I know this whole situation of ours doesn't affect him the way it does me. We know we will never conceive a child since I recently had a hysterectomy at 27 years old. He, in a wonderful way, is okay with it all. He knows we will adopt one day and give a great life to child that doesn't have parents. I on the other hand am focusing so much on the fact that I will NEVER EVER conceive. It just makes me empty. And my family is the same way that Karilea said hers is. They think I should be sad for a little while and all but that's it. I should be able to move on since there is no more waiting to see if I will get pregnant. But, it's not that easy. Everyone asks about why we don't have kids yet and I am just like--can't I just go home and not face all of these people!!! I have learned not to ever ask people that anymore. Such a common question that can break someones heart. I wish you peace during those times you are around others with kids and thank you again for sharing.

i was in your exact situation about 10 years ago. My husband and i wanted a family young. By the time I was 23 and he 25 we were married, owned our home, nice cars,boat but no baby. Every one would ask when are you having kids. It ate us up inside to see all our friend and family have children around us. We would quietly judge each of them thinking that we would be better deserving of it then them. Infertility had become our lives. Another 10 years has passed and all we have done is focus our lives on conceiving. We have worked our buts off just to pay for the treatment, sold our awesome car, moved to a mining town to make more money for treatment, worked 6 days a week 10 hour days until we didnt even know each other anymore. Our marriage broke up for about 4 months when we realized that we let that happen by not having any time for each other or normal life together. We have now decided to not think about fertility this year and have the first fun year we have had since this all begun. We are now planning an overseas trip as this year we will not be spending our money on treatment. we need this as a couple to be happy like other child free people are and it sounds like you need a break 2 and a reality check. There is so much more to life if we let there be, make sure you look after your relationship. Looking back on our time so far, we have missed out on so many great times together and at the end of the day if your relationship is not strong you will not end up with a happy family anyway. I know this sounds like the kind if s**t your mum would say, cause i know mine did, but really, even if its for a week try to forget about it do something together that you havent done in a long time and get back to me and let me know that you enjoyed yourself and feel normal again. It doesnt have to be expensive, pack a picnic and some candles and head to your local lookout for tea and a change of scenery.

I understand your frustration, just let me tell you 'there is hope for you" you are still very young, I wish I had known my infertility problem when I was under 25!! that it a huge difference, I am 34 right now and still fighting.<br />
Don't give up you are young and if you look you can find financing for your treatment, I'll let you this web site for you to read about treatment financing. Good luck and God bless you !!<br />
http://www.arcfertility.com/family_building/index.html ARC, advance reproductive care