God's Faithfulness

A Personal Testimony

(by Jackie Burns – Aug. 2010)

I originally wrote this as a reply to a person who asked about suicide. It ended up being a testimony to God’s faithfulness.

From my own personal experience, I unknowingly married a secret alcoholic who was evil when he drank. I had only been a committed Christian for a little over a year, and I questioned God everyday about WHY, if He (God) loved me, would He let me stumble into this situation. I would pray and read Psalms chapter 55 every day for three years. Especially verses 5 through 8: "Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! For then I would fly away and be at rest ...I would hasten my escape the windy storm and tempest .....For it was not an enemy that reproached me, then I could have borne it...but it was...my guide and familiar friend. Cast thy burden upon the Lord and He shall sustain thee...But You , O God, shall bring them down into the pit of destruction. Bloody and deceitful men shall not live out half their days; but I will trust in You." I spent three years in hell with my husband, but I found I could not let go of God. If I ran away or committed suicide that would have said, "I don't trust You God to take care of me". At the young age of 40, my husband was burned so badly in an alcohol related trucking accident that he survived in the burn unit for a month and then He died. I felt no pleasure in his fate. The accident took place in 1984. I've had many trials since (brain tumor surgery, rupture appendix,etc) but God has brought me through them all. He has never forsaken me and He has never failed me. I've never been happier because of the great Faith God gave me through enduring that "trial of my faith".

In the book of Job verses 10 and 12 say, "...the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before...So the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning". The life of Joseph and his jealous brothers always inspired me. Beginning in Genesis chapter 37:24 : “And they (his brothers) took him (at 17 years of age),  and cast him into a pit; and the pit was empty, there was no water in it…and sold Joseph…for twenty pieces of silver” Joseph was taken into Egypt where Potiphar (captain of the guard for Pharaoh) took Joseph as his servant. Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him and Joseph resisted and was framed and thrown into jail (dungeon) for several years. Pharaoh eventually had a dream but no one in His kingdom could interpret it. Pharaoh thought of Joseph (because while in prison, Joseph had interpreted dreams of the Chief Butler and Chief Baker (while they were imprisoned for a time along with Joseph) Joseph interpreted Pharaoh’s dream and told him that a great famine was coming to the land. Pharaoh made Joseph ruler over all the land of Egypt when he was 30 years old. When Joseph’s brothers showed up in Egypt to buy grain they were shocked to see that Joseph was in charge. In chapter 50:20-26 Joseph says to them, “But as for you (brothers), you thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save (many) people alive. Now therefore fear ye not; I will nourish you and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spoke kindly unto them….so Joseph died being an hundred and ten years old…”

“What does the Bible say about suicide?"
Many wonder if God would forgive suicide. Jesus took on all our sin at the Cross,
and His grace covers our worst sins, even in death. But that is a terrible excuse
to check out of life – suicide is still rebellion against God’s will. The Lord has
created each of us for a great purpose, and we were ransomed at a great price”
(1 Corn.6:19-20)
(by Charles Stanley)

 

jburns1947 jburns1947
61-65, F
2 Responses Aug 12, 2010

Jackie and Christyna,<br />
<br />
God is faithful and I delight in your testimony.<br />
<br />
I particularly enjoyed yours Christina because your depression sounds much like what my wife has been suffering under. I know God has great plans for her. I have known for years.<br />
<br />
I was matched with her by God because of my promise to him. She had been through horrific abuse and had actually sworn off all dating just before we met. God had other plans since she had given him permission. <br />
<br />
We have had much happiness and joy. I have heard time and time again from people who have known her and loved her before we met how good I have been for her. What they didn't know was it is not I but God who is good to her. I have only kept my promise and it is all I continue doing.<br />
<br />
Most days it is easy to keep my promise. One day around two years ago it was not so easy. I have a sense and have always known when my wife was in real danger. The demons torture her. Literally, I believe. She says she hears them. It is literal voices.<br />
<br />
I have saved her countless times getting her help when she needed it most. <br />
<br />
This day that I reference, I knew something was wrong. I stayed with her...but I missed when she took the pills. I was so angry. I was so hurt. I was devastated. I failed on my promise that night. Which is exactly why across town God woke up a friend and real prayer warrior to pray for my wife.<br />
<br />
I broke that night. While I did what was right, my promise, I could not love her. I cracked. My true self began to demand acknowledgment. I couldn't hide it. I hadn't accepted it but I knew I had broke.<br />
<br />
God put me.back together a new person a year ago. In prayer, as an act of love I confessed I was a woman assuming it would mean I had failed on my promise. I didn't! God comforted me right then and there. He had always known, of course. What I assumed was my failure was his faithfulness. All those years with me dreaming and seeing myself in my dreams as a woman, all the confusion, shame, and guilt were gone lifted with a prayer.<br />
<br />
The last year has been a roller coaster. It's been a real challenge but we are comming out stronger <br />
and more committed than ever. I believe God is so faithful and true and works in ways that pass our understanding. <br />
<br />
He loves us so much more than we can ever begin to repay. Our God is amazing. <br />
<br />
He has big plans. Big plans. You watch. You will see.<br />
<br />
The church will be purified. False gospel will go away. The glory and majesty of God will be revealed not like you would expect. Millions and millions will come to know the true God.<br />
<br />
<br />
Our hearts will light up and we will be like a lighthouse on a moonless shore.

Thats wonderful that you hung on to God and everything worked out in the end!