Why Do You Judge Me? You Are Not God.I will start by saying that my favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes. It discusses the vanity of people and how the actions of people are in vain and meaningless. The book suggests that people should enjoy the simple things in life. One of those simple things in life could be enjoying your God given talent, like your line of work. For me, it will be wildlife biology, once I finish my MS degree in Wildlife Biology. It is a simple joy and a blessing for me to know that God has given me this gift. To see and understand the environment around me. Having the ability to assess what I see and then make recommendations on things that can be done to protect God’s creatures is a gift that I am very thankful for having.
You judge because I say that I don’t want children even though it is God’s will for me to have children because I am female. It is what God wants for me. You don’t know what God’s plans are for me. You say I am a bad Christian yet you sit there and judge me.
When I was 7 years old, I was at my best friend’s house. My mom was there as well as several other kids and their mothers. Her dad had just returned from a hunting trip. Although I knew what it meant to hunt, I didn’t really grasp the “hunter” concept until that evening. He came into the house and said that he had a deer outside. I go outside to see this deer, thinking that it was alive. I see these adults standing around this dead deer and a woman kicks the deer and says, “Come on Bambi. Get up.” It killed me. I went running inside, crying. I said to my mom, “I want to be a veterinarian when I grow up because I want to save animals.” For the next 10 years, that is what I was going to do…go to college to become a vet. I eventually realized that I wouldn’t be able to get into vet school but I knew that doing my part to save animals was the right thing for me. I earned my BA in Ecology and did some work after getting my degree. Now I am in grad school working on a MS in Wildlife Biology. For me, seeing that woman kick the dead deer was a clear calling from God that I was to go into this field. As a second grader, I didn’t know about ecology and wildlife biology. Maybe I did but I just didn’t put it all together until I got older.
Why am I saying this? Because, I posted a response to another story about how this young lady was “obeying” her husband as God intended. I understand and respect that. I am all about that. But then I get criticized because having children is not something that I want. And I get criticized because I wouldn’t give up my calling as a wildlife biologist and ecologist because a man “told” me to stay at home and pop out babies like I was a Pez dispenser. He may prefer that I stay at home but “telling” me that I had to because he was the man of the house. I talked to my grandfather who, in his younger years, was a deacon in his church. He grew up in the Baptist church and I have grown up in the Methodist church, but I digress. I asked him how my grandmother would’ve responded to him if he told her that she “had” to stay at home because he was the head of the house and the Bible said that she “had” to obey him. He smiled and said, “She would’ve told me to go fly a kite.” He said that he would’ve preferred that she stayed at home but he wasn’t going to make her be a housewife. My grandfather worked the third shift in a mill. My grandmother, for a while, worked in a place called T.G.& Y. store and he took my grandmother lunch on the days that she worked. He said that the other ladies were a little jealous, especially since he took her good stuff. They didn’t have a lot of money but he did for her. I know that my grandfather has said that my grandmother was a great mother to my mom and uncle. But he’d also tell you that my grandmother was stubborn. He’s stubborn too. It runs in the family. My dad would say the same thing about my mom. That he would never “demand” that she stay at home. He says that she doesn’t have to work if she doesn’t want to but my does work. If you think that my parents aren’t living a good Christian life because they took the word “obey” out when they got married…then try telling that to my mom and see what she has to say about that. Watch what my dad does too. He will stand back and let her knock you out of your little holier than thou attitude.
The man I marry will know that I am not his slave nor am I his property. He didn’t order me out of a Sears catalog. Marriage is about being there for each other emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. Would I do my best to make sure that my husband was fed and had home that was kept? Of course. Would I have sex with my husband? Absolutely. Should he be able to make huge life changing decisions without discussing it with me first? No. Marriage is a give and take relationship. There is more that I would say on that but I will refrain. It just seems that when people talk about women “obeying” their husband that they make it sound as though they have no say at all. Maybe that works for some people…for the husband to always have the say and the woman nothing at all. My only concern is that these verses about women being submissive and obeying their husband could be a front or confirmation for physical (hitting and sexual), emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial abuse. I’m not saying that this is always this case, but it is a concern.
Now, the Bible also talks about ******. The Old Testament is filled with stories of ******. The first one that comes to mind is about Lot and his daughters (Genesis 19:31-36). The girls get Lot drunk and then have sex with him. Then there is Sara and Abraham (Genesis 20:12-13) who were siblings (half). There are other stories in Kings and Exodus. So, does this mean that we should have sex with our parents or siblings? Absolutely not.
Look at what the Bible says about multiple wives and divorce. Again, in the Old Testament, it mentions that Lamech took two wives (Genesis 4:19). In 1 Kings, it says – He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Now, that doesn’t mean that men should have two wives or mistresses. Of course, in 1 Corinthians 7:2, it does state that men should only have one wife. In Luke 16:18, Matthew 5:32, and Matthew 19:3-9, it also states that people who divorce and remarry have committed adultery. So, do you tell the members of your church or place of worship who have divorced and gotten remarried that they are bad Christians because they have committed adultery?
Why am I saying all of this? You don’t know me and you don’t know how I live my life. You can’t judge me and persecute me because I may interpret things in a different way. The only one that can judge me is God. You don’t know what God has in store for me. Just because I am a female doesn’t mean that God wants me to have children. In fact, it would be difficult for me to have children because of a medical problem that I have. You may say that God is punishing me but have you ever thought that God may be sending me a sign. The sign being that I am here for something more than being some man’s barefoot and pregnant housewife who has no right to say anything at all. Not every woman is able to have a child and although miracles happen all the time, that doesn’t mean that every woman that hasn’t been able to bear children is a bad person. Nor does it make those that don’t want children a bad person. Why do you feel the need to judge people on just one aspect of what the Bible says? I believe that God will forgive me of my sins. So, if I have sinned for not wanting children and if I ask for forgiveness, then God will forgive me.
Telling me that having a baby is the best gift I can give a man is a load of dung. A man should want me as his wife because he loves me, not because I am uterus with legs. Again, I am not a Pez dispenser that pops out babies. Another thing, saying that I will change my mind when I meet the right man is another load of fresh dung. If he is the right man, then this wouldn’t be an issue. There may be some hearts that get broken but it’s a part of life. Now, if the man has a child from a previous marriage then that would be a little different. I may be hesitant about being involved with him, especially depending on the circumstances of why he is a single father (divorced or widowed), the age of the child, and a few other things. It’s something that would have to be considered if I became involved with a single father. I know that I’m not perfect and I realize that I have made mistakes in the past. We all have but who are you to judge me or anyone else? I ask for forgiveness of my sins. People say that you know when you have met the person that you are supposed to marry…that it is just something that you know. That is how it is with my calling into wildlife biology. I know that this the talent that God gave me. How many people are doing what God has called them to do? Do you really think that women are only here to please men and to have their babies? That they are useless for everything else?
In conclusion, don’t go around telling people what you think God has planned for them. You don’t know what God thinks or what his plans are for people. Only God knows what is in store for his children. I am aware that people will be upset by what I have written. But, I have written this because of people accusing me being a bad Christian when they don’t know me. They don’t know how I live my life and how I have lived my life. And as your mother has probably taught you…if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.