Loneliness Cured

Deuteronomy 7:7 The LORD chose you because he loved you very much. He didn’t choose you because you had more people than other nations. In fact, you had the smallest number of them all.

Romans 9:16 So it doesn’t depend on what we want or do. It depends on God’s mercy.
1 Corinthians 15:10 But because of God’s grace I am what I am. And his grace was not wasted on me. No, I have worked harder than all the other apostles. But I didn’t do the work. God’s grace was with me.

Since I was little, I compete in everything. I competed with my siblings for my parents love and attention. I competed in school for the top place. I competed for my teachers' attention. Basically, I have to earn people’s love. So I could not understand it at first why I felt so lonely with or without friends. I felt lonely because, although I have the friends, deep inside I knew they love me not for who I am but for the person I acted as whom I knew they would love.

My life had been depressing before I accepted Christ. Every week, I had different group of friends. It was because I tried to find my identity in different people. It was always tiring that at the end of the week they just learnt from my silent and cold treatment that I do not want to be their friends anymore. By then, I realised that to cure my loneliness, it actually does not mean I need more friends or more conversations with others. In the contrary, those just depressed me more when I found that my friends could not understand me and the conversations too required me to try to be interesting for them which made me a fake.

I had everything which is why I know that even things cannot cure the loneliness. Nothing in this world can. Not even success. I am one of the college’s high achievers but I always found myself crying when I looked at my exam result’s slip regardless of the straight A’s because it felt empty. All things felt empty and meaningless.

Realising all this was what made me come to God. It was then I heard His call which had always been there.

It was not until a week after my 19th birthday that I understood. Lots of things happened then. It was as if God wanted to show me lots of things. My eyes are opened to things I have never seen before. I saw the work of the Holy Spirits during praise and worship, people who have spiritual gifts, my baptism in which I felt like a princess coming out of the water and etc. I also had an experience of demons trying to possess me at church when they were doing the complete deliverance prayer thing on someone. That was a long story. I can tell you about it if you want. I was saved by God’s Holy Spirit fighting for me inside of me. =) Honestly, since I knew God, every week are filled with lots of spiritual things that I have never had to experience before. It all helped to strengthen me. Now that college has ended and I am home, I miss the church I used to go to, my pastor, and my friends who have helped me a lot. I do not come from a Christian family but I believe that God is already working in our lives and I long for the day that my family members will learn of God’s love and for them to sing praises to God. =)

The main thing I want to say although I realised more than one thing in my journey with God is that God is the only person whose love I do not have to earn. He loves us all for who we are. Nowadays, I am not lonely anymore with or without people. I know God is always with me. He speaks to me through people, the Bible or through songs.

When I look at things and try to see His love written on them, finally, everything around has a meaning to it.

I no more worry about my grades or whatever or where I am going to be after this because He is always with me. And the first thing I highlighted in my Bible is the verse

Matthew 10:30 He even counts every hair on your head!

Honestly, I found it hilarious and touching. =D What is He doing counting my hairs? I am really precious to Him. And so are you.

When I felt impatient about something to happen I found joy in Jeremiah 29:11-13 “I know the plans I have for you,” announces the LORD. “I want you to enjoy success. I do not plan to harm you. I will give you hope for the years to come. Then you will call out to me. You will come and pray to me. And I will listen to you. When you look for me with all your heart, you will find me”.

I am no longer lonely because He loves me. He is after all, the LORD who rules over all. =)
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3 Responses May 8, 2012

We are not alone in this great expanse of this Universe, for in the third heaven on Mt Zion we have God sitting on His throne and we were made for each other.<br />
Theologians speculate that God wanted a family and He created mankind.<br />
"God wants us to LOVE Him and that mankind LOVE Him"<br />
Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

this is inspiring.... thank you for sharing this, i really needed to hear it!

This is beautiful! I used to feel the same way... with family friends and Co workers sometimes... then I found Jesus forealz in my heart, and His love is unconditional it's like no other ... that's what keeps me alive and standing firm... my Jesus! :)<br />
Amen to your salvation my friend!