Good Enough?

There are people in this world who struggle to accept others as they are. Then there are people in this world, like me, who struggle to accept themselves.

I have a pretty normal, happy life. I am part of a good, Christian family with a mom and a dad and a little brother. I'm blessed that I have what I need: food, home, clothes, etc. I am in the top 3 in my class rankings, and my parents aren't making me get a job if I keep up the good grades. I'm pretty likeable at school and have several close friends. Things are totally great and I should be really happy, right?

Eh, not so much. I am emotionally unstable with a low self-esteem, and tiny failures turn into huge disasters to me. With three "weighted" classes (it's the same thing as Advanced Placement, and two of these are for college credit), I easily get even more overwhelmed by the workload.

Just today, I swore I was going to runaway tonight to escape the prison that is my life. That's actually how I discovered this site to begin with, because I was looking for other potential runaways nearby so we could partner up. Such rash decisions are common, although before they were more in the direction of self-harm or "eating my emotions" (binge eating).

I kept saying that I'm too stupid for these classes I'm in and beating myself up over the failed assignments I had waiting for me in these classes. Only one of them was a legitimate fail. The rest of them were just low for my usual standards, low Bs and Cs.

It's so hard for me to NOT judge myself harshly. It many times turns into a "list all the things I've done wrong in the past week and how terrible I am as a person."

I have to remind myself that Jesus loves me even if I mess up sometimes, no matter how bad it turns out. I have to remind myself that the main reason that Christianity is so special and different is that we can come just as we are and still be accepted by the Creator of everything. It's awesome because we can still suck at being perfect, that we can be the sinful people we are and will be until we die, and still we are saved if we accept the gift of the most perfect sacrifice ever in the history of everything: Jesus.

I hope that I can find here a supportive group of Christians where I can help and be helped when it is needed. :) Also, I hope that maybe I can touch someone and make their day better.

"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain." ~Emily Dickinson
storybird storybird
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 4, 2012

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.(Isaiah 53)<br />
" I am emotionally unstable with a low self-esteem, and tiny failures turn into huge disasters to me."........storybird<br />
Jesus paid the price for ALL of your sins and low self-esteem is a (backward) form of pride....and pride is a sin.<br />
Hey ,we all fall short but praise God we acknowledge Jesus to heal.<br />
Have a great day Ms.storybird and God loves you soooooooooooooo much!

Thank you so much. I understand now.
There is a song by BarlowGirl called "Song for the Broken" I've listened to a lot that says, "Even I believe I'm above saving..." and "'Cause pride has not, let me say, 'I am the broken...'" It suddenly makes more sense to me now, how I should admit when I'm wrong, ask for God's forgiveness, and then forgive myself.
I tried so hard to be perfect to please God and my family that I forgot what really mattered: God loves me even when I fail, and so does my family.
Thank you, boxheadboee. I hope your day is great also! ^_^

"I'm blessed that I have what I need: food, home, clothes, etc. I am in the top 3 in my class rankings".....storybird.<br />
You did write that,didn't you.Young lady thank and praise God for your wonderful parents,Get the focus off you.Selfcenterness is a drag.I'm so happy for you and how the Lord has blessed you!

Thank you for replying. Yes, I wrote this...

Do I really seem self-centered? :/ I never thought of myself being like that, but then again I guess that would be normal, to not see it myself. I don't want to be like that. I'll try to look for it better and change it. Thanks for your response! ...again lol.