An Insecure Christian

I had a bf who was an atheist. Tried to convince me that Jesus wasn't real. I tried to tell him its through faith that I know he exits. I really want to believe in eternity.
We broke up because we had so many different beliefs on this.
Why wouldn't you want to believe your body goes in heaven for eternity?
he believed we remain as bones in the grave and dont go anywhere. There is nothing wrong with that and could be true.
But I would rather believe that Jesus saved me and had a place for me in Heaven.
Why am I insecure about this? It does seem like a fairy-tale, but its something to hold on too.
LonelyGirl322 LonelyGirl322
14 Responses Nov 25, 2012

You did the right thing

I heard an atheist say once that Christians are so long looking for heaven that theyr'e no earthly good down here. Faith just isn't an emotion because feelings come and go. Faith is an action that's reflected in your behavior. Take the actions of a Christian and your faith will grow along with your practice.
The greatest show of faith is to love one another even as the Lord loved you. The greatest of the commandments and in doing so , you will have obeyed all the other commandments.

Bingo! You couldn\'t have said it better on the spirit of being a true Christian.

u KNOW jesus exists?
so you can take news crews to him n get him to admit who he is?
belief is NOT truth.
U believe he exists. nothing more, nothing less.

You hold on to your beliefs, just as sure as I am sitting here, Jesus Christ is very real and so is heaven. Its not a fairytale. HE answers prayer which is why I am here today....... People in the world who do not know Christ will scoff at you, let them. In the end I will see you there, just smile at them......

It's quite okay to feel insecure about your faith. After all, if we had perfect faith, wouldn't we be saints already ? Like Call Caedmon said, 'My faith is like the shifting sand, changed by every way, and I stand on Grace.' We should aspire for better, but not feel down about not having the best.

Having complete faith is a journey, and somewhere in the journey, I think, one also learns to treat the so-called "non-believers" with the same amount of dignity and a respect for their thought, as one treats fellow believers and, preferably, without those judging tags/labels.

Everyone who has faith may not have complete conviction, and even if they had conviction, they may not have the communication skills to impress the other. Faith is not something that you can enter through the person's nostril, reach the brain, pull a lever and make it work. If at all, it's gradual (or sudden by a miracle from the sky) and sometimes, it might never happen and thats fine too. We set up Faith and Reason on a bloody duel and are always after reconciliation or seeking to establish "one way or the other", but often don't realize that such a "settlement" will require deep years of our own experiments with both and not just discussions based on books. Analysis is one thing, and wisdom from consistent application is something else.

Each one is on a different journey and is a product of a million thinking influences. We choose faith because it helps us. If others don't choose it, probably they are at a higher level where they don't need it anymore, or at a different level where they are busy at other things in life, don't feel the need to take those deeper questions seriously, or happy with their own answers to those questions.

As BeMyBadGirl commented before, it can be hard, though not impossible. It takes a little more strengthening of our faith, and even to ignore the urge to get defensive, allow some space and respect the partner's space, and may be a bit of tolerance to take the jokes. And a little bit of thinking :"Go to hell, I'll believe what I want", but not saying it as much and often, LoL.

I am sure, as your faith improves, your relationships will, too. Wish you good luck on that note.

Faith is a life long journey. I had deep faith when I was a teenager and I became disillusioned by the age of 21. After following my own path for about 20 years, I returned to my faith with a born again experience and have been a christian ever since. Don't be afraid of doubt. It's natural and the Lord usually gives you enough time in your travels to develope a much more mature faith that becomes like steel and won't be broken.

I loved your reply. Are you bipolar too?? You seem so grounded and centered.

No, but I do suffer from Social anxiety and I am in a group that many of which suffers from Bipolar. There were many fine answers on this page.

Hi. Let me add my two cents worth. I understand your being attracted to someone so different. He probably challenged your mind and your thinking for a while and you enjoyed that. There was probably an inexplicable chemistry between you as well. That happens a lot and the chemistry crosses all sorts of barriers.

It is hard to be in a long term relationship or friendship with someone who's beliefs run counter to yours. It can get tiresome to argue and feel on the defensive.

About being insecure...the only way to grow secure is to do things that require faith and see God at work in your life. It also helps to look at things that bless your mind and heart...beautiful sunsets, newborn babies, mountains, the sea. Look for things that take your breath away or make you feel small. Of course there are natural explanations for a lot of what you see, but just this week on AOL a brilliant medical mathematician was featured for his work on the development of a baby. He gave a brilliant show and said you can't really look at all that happens in just 9 months and not see divinity.

As to arguing for the faith, that is an area called "apologetics" and it does not have to do with apologizing, but rather to do with applying logical argument. It is the study of the reasons for faith. There are many great books on the subject. When I was young a guy named Hal Lindsay was a popular writer. Today there are many books on the subject of proofs for God and arguments about faith. Think about what you believe and why. Don't get confused by someone sayng there are inconsistencies in your thinking or in Christianity. You can rightly say that there is a lot you don't yet understand but you are understanding more and more each day.

loneygirl322, Anyone who has ever been in love can tell you that sometimes love happens unexpectedly. Some of my very favourite people in the world are atheists, although I would hasten to add that when you get to know them well, they are actually in tune with divine happenings more than they realise - they just call it different names.

St Paul said that If Jesus Christ is not risen from the dead then our faith is in vain. The resurrection of Christ is the foundation of our faith. For the believer, there is a light that shines constantly before us and we walk willingly in that light. Everything makes sense to us because we are lovers of the truth. Unbelievers see that and challenge it because they feel threatened by it.

I am sorry your relationship did not work out, but in the long run it will be for the best. It is one of the sufferings we must endure as Christians, being rejected for our Faith. It is such a bright and shining radiance that those who do not have it feel blinded by it and want to scuttle away into the dark crevices where they feel safe.

Questioning fairy tales is the first step to sanity

QUESTIONING the first step-------you're prejjudging by calling ANYTHING fairy tale. It may be, but demonstrate it first.

You're the one making the claims, so the burden of proof is on you.

you tell him noellecasly. Besides, your attitude is making claims to,HowamIfunny. Where's Your burden of proof.
I would rather live the life with a lie that makes life meaningful and productive and makesthe world better because he lived than live the life with a lie that there is no God and all ends in the grave. A Christian has nothing to lose but an atheist has everything.

I'm so grateful that I don't have to rely on lies to make life meaningful :)

I agree and if you feel this is a fairy tale, then study it and prove our faith is in vain.Best of luck.

2 More Responses

You did the right thing. God will place your soul mate in your path at just the right time.

Yes, you are correct, Jesus has prepared a place in heaven for those who accept him as their Lord and Savior. (John 14:1-4) I have been a Christian for the last 13 years. I have had to work to gain confidence in my faith. I would highly recommend reading The Case for Christ and The Case for Faith both written by Lee Stroble who was a former atheist who set out to disprove Christianity and became saved. I would also highly recommend The New Evidence that Demands a Verdict by Josh McDowell. Also make sure you are attending a church that teaches the Word of God (the Bible) as infallible and unchangeable and that Jesus is the only Way to Salvation. If you do not have a home church I would suggest Assembly of God ( or Foursquare ( Both sites have church finders to find a church near you. No one can be a strong Christian without being connected to other Christians. Hope this helps.Andrew

yes it does!

I am very pleased that my reply was helpful. God Bless! Andrew

To forewarn you, this might sound a bit harsh.
To tell the truth, what you both did was rather, well... okay, downright stupid. It doesn't matter what others believe, as long as they don't try to force their views onto others. And you both did it. I don't know who started first, and it honestly doesn't matter.
Everybody has their own views on the subject. But there is nothing to be insecure about. Don't let others tell you what is right for you to think or feel! Make up your own mind, and make a choice that is your own. And nothing else will matter. Trust me :)

You couldn't be more wrong what LonelyGirl322b did was the right thing for both of them. We are spirit beings 1st if you are not spiritually united you are certain to have all sorts of problems in the natural.

Disparate views are hard on a serious longterm relationship. The closer you become the more important every view and opinion becomes........

I have to agree with @themanoflegends, that forcing your religious beliefs (or the lack of them) onto others is just ridiculous.
Having said that, I think you did the right thing for breaking up with the guy if your beliefs were just so different... but then again I can't really understand how that topic even came up - what happens after death. You are so young, like why do even think of that yet and even more why to argue about that?

Amen brother

1 More Response

Why you're insecure about this... Might be something to do with your age and upbringing; I find that younger people seek commonness, they seek (often, I know not always) for people to have many of the same core beliefs. If this boyfriend was sincerely important in your life it would make you wonder, then, how he could believe something different -- or as you put it why wouldn't he WANT to believe in the same things. An athiest simply seeks the face value explanation for what's happening in this world. Yes, it involves abandoning having faith in things you cannot see or touch, but it is a very logical approach. He has faith in the existence of horses and houses. <br />
A key argument he probably used was that religions were invented to explain things that people who were not-very-advanced could not explain about the world around them, and that's true. AND it is so that the notions of heaven shared by Judeo-Christi-Islamists are then a byproduct of that explanation system. (If religions explain the world around you, then the world you cannot see is an extension.)<br />
To be clear I AM a Christian, though I disown most of the "brand names" of Christians. BUT I have to admit for clarity sake that I have not seen this heaven, nor hell, and my court is still out on their existence. I do howeven very well understand this OTHER explanation system we now call SCIENCE, and it does a very good job. We simply understand more now than the originators of these religions, and otehrs, came up with 1000s of years ago. So that we did not understand as well before and called "the mysteries" we now grasp better and call "science". Even so I see deeply within this "science' that tehre is a plan, choices about the way the universe works were clearly made and things could have been made differently. The fact that we cannot imagine a world where rainwater is purple and where chickens wear organs on outsides shows OUR mortal limitations and that is why WE are not God. The one who DID make the decisions about the way of the universe that we now call science -- THAT is the one we call God.<br />
Of course this is presented IMHO<br />
Jesus, by the way, probably existed. I cannot prove he was the SON of God, but I choose to believe he did represent God in SOME way. BUT the actual physical being we call Jesus probably did exist, whatever capacity he served in we cannot say there is a "CHRISTianity" if there never was a Christ.

There is no proof that he was the son of God.If there was you wouldn't need faith.
But there is evidence. There was a book out a number of years ago called "The Evidence demands a Verdict". Jesus was a definite historical figure. His death on the cross was documented. His resurrection was attested to by his disciples. Jesus didn't just die. He died by one of the worst tortures of the day. Either he was insane or he actually believed his own words. When he went before Pilot, he said nothing that would relieve him of his fate. The night before his death th Father gave him a premonition of what he was to go through. The premonition was so real he literally sweated blood. And yet he prayed" If it be your will let this cup pass before me."Not my will but thine. His death would have no meaning in it's self because all people die. It was his resurrection that clinched it. The deciples were witnesses to it. They also in the end, died terrible deaths because of the belief. The witnesses themselves were the attestation of his Truth. Your believing in it is second hand accounts. Nobody dies for a lie. That would be insane.With the witnesses it wasn't faith. It was right before there eyes. Also, Thomas, who doubted ,was an after Resurrection witness. There is one piece of evidence that exists this very day."The Shroud of Turin". His burial Shroud that was kept in Monastary in the town of Turin France. To this day they can not explain how the marks on the cloth got there It's a scientific mystery. But you do not need proof. As Jesus said to Thomas. Greater is he who believes but has not seen. We have choices in life. We're free to believe in anything we want. Your boy friend doesn't have a market on Truth.
I believe because if I'm wrong, nothing is lost. If it is true, I can rest comfortably at night knowing that I'm in God's loving hands.It also improves the quality of one's life. It gives you purpose and helps you endure all the trial we go through in life.

Its not and I strongly believe it is the same, we have been saved by the grace of God , its not easy but the end result will be well worth it